Among Friends

[Malcontent]

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are actually wanted.

[luvzchiz]

@Malcontent   Bawaaahaha

[meallen616]

[KingstonMom]

Very Sick Joke

A VERY ugly man walks into a bar with a big grin on his face, and orders a draft beer. 'What are you so happy about?', asks the Bartender.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man.. 'As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar, last night, I discovered a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free, and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything: me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!'

'Fantastic, you lucky ba$tard!', exclaimed the Bartender. Was she pretty?'

'Don't know. Never found the head."

[KingstonMom]

A Kissimmee Joke

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across Florida and were nearing a town spelled Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it — KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME.

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: “My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.”

The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”

[KingstonMom]

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to potty, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:

"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "

[PhilaLady1]

What did 20 do when it was hungry?

28

[Starpolisher]

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@PhilaLady1 wrote:

What did 20 do when it was hungry?

28

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Thank you! This is one I can tell to my granddaughters.

I've already told them why 6 was afraid of 7. "Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7...8...9!

My sons call these Mom jokes. Clean enough to tell my students when I was teaching. 😅

[DSD2]

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@Malcontent wrote:

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are actually wanted.

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Very clever!! Thank you for the laugh today 

[lgfan]

Did you hear about the man who went to the DMV to renew his license and he took his girlfriend.  The girlfriend was so ugly that he was given the eye exam twice.