Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

Not now because I'm in my late 50's.  We both make good salaries, we have no mortgage.  The girls got through college and are married with babies and careers of their own...so.....they are spinning those plates now.  I can breathe, kick back and just live.  Plate spinning is good way to put but I always thought of it as an obstacle course that we maneuver through until we get to the end....where we actually get to do what we want to do and sleep for more than 5 hours a night.

[Mominohio]

I have, for several decades, thought that what is wrong with some people and part of society in general is that they can't stand the "gaps' of which you speak @jeanlake.

Those gaps (for me, translated as down time, alone time, simple at home time, nothing scheduled time) were lost a couple of generations ago. 

They were the evenings sitting on the porch times. They were the not needing to get in the car and run with the kids every waking minute of the day times (what happened to playing in the backyard?). They were the ability to be alone and doing 'nothing' time.

Most people under 40 have never experienced them. They have been on the go since birth. They aren't comfortable in their own head, alone and quiet without a million distractions. They see life as fulfilled and worthy only when doing everything possible that will fit in a day's (week's, month's, year's) time. If you're not busy, you're not living, seems to be the mantra of the most recent generations. 

I believe one great gift you can give your kids or grandkids these days is to put down the spinning plates on a regular basis, and create those great gaps.

[jeanlake]

Good point. We're also spinning plates for our kids. 

[dex]

@Carmie@I love your post.That sums up a life perfectly.I also miss the busy years raising a family but now the plates are fewer and staying busy is a new task I must learn.I think at this point I should help others and fulfill my need to be useful,busy,valid,necessary or whatever it is that is missing.I searched for who I was when I was young and now I must search out who I am again.

[blueroses47]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I have, for several decades, thought that what is wrong with some people and part of society in general is that they can't stand the "gaps' of which you speak @jeanlake.

Those gaps (for me, translated as down time, alone time, simple at home time, nothing scheduled time) were lost a couple of generations ago. 

They were the evenings sitting on the porch times. They were the not needing to get in the car and run with the kids every waking minute of the day times (what happened to playing in the backyard?). They were the ability to be alone and doing 'nothing' time.

Most people under 40 have never experienced them. They have been on the go since birth. They aren't comfortable in their own head, alone and quiet without a million distractions. They see life as fulfilled and worthy only when doing everything possible that will fit in a day's (week's, month's, year's) time. If you're not busy, you're not living, seems to be the mantra of the most recent generations. 

I believe one great gift you can give your kids or grandkids these days is to put down the spinning plates on a regular basis, and create those great gaps.

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You've said that so well.  I know exactly what you mean.

Recently I was looking at old home movies my dad took in the late fifties, early sixties, of my family when my brother and I were growing up.  There are scenes of the whole family sitting outside in the backyard on a summer's evening.  Just enjoying being outside relaxing, doing nothing much, but being together.

  I rarely see that these days, and actually, I don't even get to do it myself much.  If I sit on my porch I end up feeling guilty after 5 or 10 minutes.  I wish I could retrain myself out of that foolish thinking....I keep working on it.

[hckynut]

Hi @jeanlake,

My plates have been spinning holding all the marbles since I started my job as a car hop at age 12, back in 1951. I always knew/know how much I take in, and how much I pay out. Never had nor wanted a "full nest", which obviously made it easier for me. 

I did however quit my biggest and most loved hobby when it came to "work more hours/jobs to support it", of find a new hobby. I chose the latter, and instead of Auto Racing, I started racing using mainly my feet, Running Road Races.

Learned early from my mother how many working hours it took to purchase xy or z, and have used that method of balancing my plates have always held almost every marble.

But! Medical and other surprise expenses did not make it easy on a fixed income.

I stick pretty much to "what are necessities", and can still differentiate between those and "luxury". Many seem to have a different view than I do on what constitutes need verses wants.

E.T.A.

Pretty much the same with how I manage, and did manage my time. Kept as busy as I wanted to be in most every stage of my life, never was forced, or let myself have to multitask. Fill most of my off hours from work? Certainly did, and many years of work/workout/hockey and taking care of my home.

Refused to work over 40 hours a week, no overtime hours, much to my bosses chagrin! If it looked like I might have to spend more than my allotted 40 hour income? I dropped whatever I deemed a non-essential activity, or item.

hckynut(john)

[jeanlake]

My single, 30 year old daughter called today. She's moving out of a rented, big, old home in the city shared with two roomates. Will be moving into a 600 sq ft studio apartment in the city, but quieter part of town. Living alone for the first time. I grinned. Her drama-laden roomates have become a bit much and daughter wants to preserve friendships. I've never heard her say this before, but she just wants peace. For the first time in her life living alone sounds good to her. Selling furniture and buying for the loft studio. Her older siblings never needed to be surrounded by a room full of people, but this daughter did. Until now. She's saying words like serenity, peace and organized life. She's going through all her clothes and 'stuff' and wants to minimalize. I'm delighted. She'll have a few less plates to spin.