Among Friends

[magicmoodz]

@Mom2Dogs

I am sorry--for the death of your sister and for your broken relationship. I don't think you mentioned the cause of your sister's death, but what I might do is make a contribution in her name to The American Cancer Society, The American Heart Association, or perhaps a charity near and dear to your heart.

The family will be notified of your "gift" but there is no chance they cannot cash your check or return it to you.

Ultimately the decision is yours and under the circumstances there is no right or wrong answer. Do whatever speaks to your soul.

[SportyShorty07]

@Mom2Dogs  I am very sorry for your sister's passing, and all of the emotions that you've had to face with her passing.  If you want to send money, do what feels right to you.  If you don't send money, that's alright too.  Could you plant a tree in her memory? I know some funeral homes have that arrangement- that could be a nice gesture that wouldn't risk any harsh words from her surviving family.

     You're a thoughtful and kind person, and I think that you will find a decision that works best for you. Family dynamics are difficult, sisterhood is at times difficult and rewarding, and no family is perfect- I won't judge you.  I hope you know that you've done your best as a sister, and I hope you give yourself the time and space to feel all that you need to feel throughout all of this. 

[pdlinda]

@Kachina624   I agree with you.  

[CelticCrafter]

If your sister's husband was involved in the decision to cut off contact then I wouldn't send him a contribution.  

[Tinkrbl44]

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@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:

Yes, send a donation AND whatever else to those in grief (ie flowers). It is never wrong to be the bigger person. For all you know, your sister/s deeply regret what happened but just didn't know how to fix it. This can be a bridge to rectify the situation once and for all.

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@ThinkingOutLoud   @Mom2Dogs 

I agree, but since families' situations can twist and turn, please keep a record of your donation. 

@Mom2Dogs 

So sorry for your loss.   

[Icegoddess]

Do what will give you peace and without any expectations.  

[kitty60]

You say they both made it clear when they cut the ties so I would send a sympathy card with a heartfelt note allowing the family to reach out to you if feelings had changed over time.  I would resist sending money unless I heard of a specific need and felt so inclined. 

DH always had hurt feelings regarding a family situation thinking it was his father's side of the family only to find out after his mother's passing she had set up all the rules of no contact, etc.  He had to establish relationships with aunts and cousins in his 40's.  I am gland they were able to get acquanted but it took someone opening the door and putting old feelings aside.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

I get it, @Mom2Dogs,  family dynamics can s*ck.

It sounds like you want to send something out of obligation or tradition, to make yourself feel like you've done the right thing.  That makes this situation about you, not your sister or her survivors.  Since they've made it clear that they don't want any contact from you I think you need to honor their wishes.  This is their time to grieve and not have something else hit them from left field.  There is no guilt or shame in you not sending anything. 

If you still feel the need to do something, make a private donation somewhere in her honor.  

[occasionalrain]

Make a donation to a charity  in her name. The family will be notified of your donation. 

Being the bigger person often translates into being an easy mark. 

[RescueLover]

@Mom2Dogs 🌷


I am sorry for your loss. But even more so that you did not have the loving relationship with your sister you longed for.

I feel it may be best to respect the boundaries they had set up with you, which likely includes financial support.


Instead maybe donate to an animal shelter somewhere near where your sister lived. in her name, so that it brings you the comfort and peace you really need. ❤️