Among Friends

[CarolinaGirl88]

If you feel in your heart (and it seems like you do) that you would like to contribute, I think you should take the high road and do it. I believe in doing what you feel is right just because it's right, not necessarily because others deserve it. If you contribute, who knows, it could be a catalyst for your remaining sister to apologize to you and you could possibly repair your relationship with her (only if you want to, of course.)  Best wishes with your decision.

[BExplorer]

@Mom2Dogs I am sorry you lost your sister. It seems that since you mentioned you were leaning towards sending a contribution, that would be the right thing for you to do. It's never wrong to extend an olive branch, if that's what you feel you should do.

Again, my condolences on your loss.

[jackthebear]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

My sister passed away, earlier this week, we have not seen each other or spoken for  10 years or so.  She broke off communication when she accused me of something I did not do...we live several states away from each other.

The sister she was close with (at her death) was probably the catalyst in our friendship breaking up.  Before my sister and I had our falling out we were close and she was not close at all with the other sister....go figure.

I was always the sister they both came to..money, help with child care, you name it and did my best to step up to the plate, then the accusation came out of the blue and the relationship ended, and the tight bind with the two sisters was formed.    

My sister (still alive) has very limited contact with her other 3 children...one daughter has no relationship her so I know it's not just me. 

I guess I added the above to set the stage for the question...there was no service and I am pretty certain part of the reason was finances.   Sister's obit mentioned contribusions to the family.  I am leaning toward sending money..even tho I was told to never contact them again.   My husband feels differently although he is onboard with what ever I decide to do.

He saw me at my lowest when this sister cut me off for no reason..I did not do what she said I did and before the split happened we were close.. I spent time with her every time she had a baby...she had a serious illness and I stayed a week with her caring for the house and kids. I was crushed at the time, but have moved on. 

I am not asking for judgment, just a different eye on the situation as it pertains to a monetary donation.

Thanks

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first sorry to hear of this difficult situation 

They asked for no contact
yet they would accept your money.....who knows if they would come back to you again and ask

you could wait a bit and give yourself some time to come to terms with it, reconsider a donation 

[AuntG]

She left behind a family, right? I think it's totally acceptable to send a monetary donation. I'm always inclined to give to whatever cause is mentioned in the obituary.

[OKPrincess]

@Mom2Dogs 

Sorry for your loss.

I would a contribution and therefore you will never have to second guess your decision to help.

Yes families can be hurtful; most of us have fractured relationships.

Bless you at this time.💐🙏🏻

[LizzieInSRQ]

Im sorry for all this pain @Mom2Dogs . I understand this more than you know. 

Sending a donation serves to make you feel better. 

If your instructions to never contact her or her family came from other than your sister, my advice would be to not send anything. 

Also, some people do not want services so this may not be a financial thing. Actually I had beautiful services for my brother (besides cremation) doing a breakfast service at the beach for around $100 ( I literally had very little money to my name at the time and too prideful to ask for help).  So services can be done on a dime. Anyway, this money wouldn't go to services.  If you are saying this would be for the cremation, that has already been done. I am not sure who this money benefits. You said her husband, too made it clear not to contact them again. If that is true, I wouldn't send any money. But...you need to do what you want, for your reasons, so Im not sure if outsider advice is wise to seek. Just be true about your own motives. Someone mentioned " being the bigger person" which I find to be a horrible and immature reason, frankly. 

I wont have services when its my time. Services are for the living. People can remember me how they want to or not. I no longer have a big work and social group and very little family. 

Back to you, again Im sorry for your pain, not just her death but everything in your life leading up to it and after. 🤎

[KBEANS]

First I'd like to extend my sympathy to you! ❤️ @Mom2Dogs 

How did you find out your sister died? I don't think I read that.

Was it her children or husband that notified you?

If they did reach out and notify you themselves, then do what you feel.  

Did they ask someone to notify you, or did someone else just tell you out of courtesy, without the family asking them to? 

If they didn't request that someone inform you, I would follow the original request to not ever contact them again.

You are grieving too and do not need to have added stress if you or your offering are not well received or rejected.

I would pray for your sister, her family and for yourself for serenity and peace.

Allow yourself some grace. You seem like a very nice person from your posts. 

[theresa]

@Mom2Dogs I wouldn't bother because it's unknown who will profit from these contributions.  I personally would make a donation to a charitable organization in her memory like St. Judes or one of your choice. 

[shoekitty]

@Mom2Dogs  I am so sorry for your loss, and the heartache you must have suffered from the split. If it were me, I would send money, a card, condolences and leave it at that. I wouldn't even think where the money is going, what they might do. I would just do it, knowing I. reached out when family died,  nothing more. I wouldn't even expect a thank you, a note. But I would know in my heart I what I did.  Again, I am truely sorry 

[cindyNC]

@Mom2Dogs  I'm in a similar situation w/my sister.  My life has been more peaceful and drama free witout her in it. 

I can understand why you're on the fence with this as at one time you were close and her death brings back memories.  Like most here said, do what makes you most comfortable.