am i overracting to this situation? - Page 8

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@Dragonflyveb wrote:
I am a single woman who has lived in my neighborhood for almost 30 years.

From my perspective, there are times when I need a "Prince Charming" to help out. However, PC is always out of town, so I am grateful when my neighbors help out with fallen tree limbs, moving something heavy, or shoveling snow. They don’t do the whole job for me, just help. It’s just nice when I don’t have to do it all alone. On the other hand, I don’t want someone helping all the time so I feel obligated.

I don’t offer money, but I do bake cookies or bread and drop that off. I appreciate the help! Sometimes, there is only so much I can do by myself.

I guess it depends on attitude. I am not interested in anyone's husband, sometimes a single person just needs some help.

dragonfly
I have been a single woman in a few different neighborhoods, and - like you - I was sometimes in need of assistance with small things. There were always neighbors willing to help out, and I always offered money, but none of them ever took it.

Like you, I wasn't interested in anyone else's husband. The thought never crossed my mind! And no one ever treated me as though I was. When I was married, my husband often helped out neighbors, both male and female, and that was certainly fine with me. I never felt threatened in the slightest.

I don't blame the new neighbor for offering money. I would have done the same. It's interesting to me that some posters are suspicious of this new neighbor. I don't understand that at all. I don't see a reason to think the OP's husband had ulterior motives either. It sounds to me like just a neighbor-helping-a-new-neighbor story. IMO it was appropriate for her to offer money, and he was wrong to take it, but other than that small misstep, I don't find anything about this unusual or suspect at all.

@NYC Susan

i pretty much agree with your response except for one part.

i dont understand why you are saying it was wrong of him to take the money if you yourself offer money to people who help you? it was right of her to offer money, but wrong of him to take it? why even offer it if you dont think it is right for someone to take it?

Because she's a new neighbor, and this was their first interaction.

When I had neighbors who repeatedly helped me out, I did want to compensate them and show my appreciation. I never wanted it to look as though I was taking advantage of anyone.

I didn't mean that it's always wrong for a neighbor to take money. But in this case - for something quick and easy for a brand-new neighbor - I think it would have been more neighborly to refuse the money.

Bridgegal · ‎03-09-2010

What's done is done. Please don't try to return the money or give her a $30.00 gift card. Just let it go and be friendly when you see her. It's not like she gave him $3,000 or even $300. I see it as a small thank you to him for helping out. No big deal.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

After reading some of these responses, I am inclined to think that it may depend on what part of the U.S you live in as far as what is custom/proper, age of those involved, how you were raised, etc.

I understand that the single neighbor was in her 30's/40's.First of all, I'm an old lady. I was raised in the Midwest. Neighbors helped neighbors, no payment expected. Neighbors would have been shocked to be offered money as payment for a kind deed. We helped each other. Gifts of food/home baked good were given during the holidays.

I don't like asking for help, but if I do, I just say "Thank you". I don't expect any more than that if I help someone else.

I hope this makes sense. Maybe I'm just running my mouth. LOL.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@Bridgegal wrote:
What's done is done. Please don't try to return the money or give her a $30.00 gift card. Just let it go and be friendly when you see her. It's not like she gave him $3,000 or even $300. I see it as a small thank you to him for helping out. No big deal.

I would just let it go,too. It's not a lot of money and to try to even the score, would just make things more awkward.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@catwhisperer wrote:
After reading some of these responses, I am inclined to think that it may depend on what part of the U.S you live in as far as what is custom/proper, age of those involved, how you were raised, etc.

I understand that the single neighbor was in her 30's/40's.First of all, I'm an old lady. I was raised in the Midwest. Neighbors helped neighbors, no payment expected. Neighbors would have been shocked to be offered money as payment for a kind deed. We helped each other. Gifts of food/home baked good were given during the holidays.

I don't like asking for help, but if I do, I just say "Thank you". I don't expect any more than that if I help someone else.

I hope this makes sense. Maybe I'm just running my mouth. LOL.

No baked pies in my neighborhood! It must be regional.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I would not bake pies or cookies for anyone I didnt know, personally. These things may not be okay for their diets.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@september wrote:
I would not bake pies or cookies for anyone I didnt know, personally. These things may not be okay for their diets.

@september....I grew up in the 50's. Back then, people were not as concerned about diet as they are now. My mother had a large garden and often gave away fresh veges too as a thank you for acts of kindness, or just to be neighborly to complete strangers.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Daisy Sunflower · ‎10-26-2010

@september wrote:
I would not bake pies or cookies for anyone I didnt know, personally. These things may not be okay for their diets.

Even if they're not on a special diet, they could throw it away because they don't know you, how you prepare food, how clean your kitchen is, etc.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:
@september wrote:
I would not bake pies or cookies for anyone I didnt know, personally. These things may not be okay for their diets.

Even if they're not on a special diet, they could throw it away because they don't know you, how you prepare food, how clean your kitchen is, etc.

LOTS of people throw food stuff away. i never realized it until i saw how many said they did right on these boards, especially around the holidays.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

First, kudos to your husband. It was a very nice thing for him to do.

But, yes, you are SO totally over-reacting! I'm sure your husband didn't want to take the money but she probably insited that he take it, and to avoid making the situation more awkward he accepted. Time to just let the whole thing go and move on. Invite her over for lunch or dinner sometime.