Reply
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@Its Me LuLuBelle2 wrote:

@kittyloo, I don't think you're overreacting at all.  Your husband took it upon himself, without her asking, to do something for a neighbor.  No more, no less and he should not have been compensated.

 

I do think when you've calmed down you need to have a serious conversation with him that he shouldn't intrude on her anymore.  If she needs or wants help, she'll ask.  But it could get to be very uncomfortable for her to have a neighbor see her doing something and in the spirit of being nice he goes to do it "better" or make things "easier" for her.  Would he be so quick to help a male neighbor?   If you frame the conversation like that, he may see the error of his ways.  I'm sure he's a good egg, just a little misguided this time.  Hope it all works out for you.  LuLu

 

 

 

 


I think he made a mistake, but I don't think that mistake was helping her.  He was trying to be nice, and to be a good neighbor.  His heart was certainly in the right place, and I have no problem with that part of this story.  I do feel he shouldn't have accepted  money.  But otherwise, I don't see how he did anything wrong.

 

(And I don't know the OP's husband, but there's no reason to think he wouldn't have helped a male neighbor too.  Neighbors help each other, both male and female.  I've seen that everywhere I've ever lived.)

Regular Contributor
Posts: 193
Registered: ‎06-04-2016

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Next time I saw single neighbor late 30's ear;y 40's I would show her how to use her own blower so she didn't have to use my husbands blower. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@Dragonflyveb wrote:

I am a single woman who has lived in my neighborhood for almost 30 years.

 

From my perspective, there are times when I need a "Prince Charming" to help out. However, PC is always out of town, so I am grateful when my neighbors help out with fallen tree limbs, moving something heavy, or shoveling snow. They don’t do the whole job for me, just help. It’s just nice when I don’t have to do it all alone. On the other hand, I don’t want someone helping all the time so I feel obligated.

 

I don’t offer money, but I do bake cookies or bread and drop that off. I appreciate the help! Sometimes, there is only so much I can do by myself.

 

I guess it depends on attitude. I am not interested in anyone's husband, sometimes a single person just needs some help.

 

dragonfly


I have been a single woman in a few different neighborhoods, and - like you - I was sometimes in need of assistance with small things.  There were always neighbors willing to help out, and I always offered money, but none of them ever took it.  

 

Like you, I wasn't interested in anyone else's husband.  The thought never crossed my mind!  And no one ever treated me as though I was.  When I was married, my husband often helped out neighbors, both male and female, and that was certainly fine with me.  I never felt threatened in the slightest.  

 

I don't blame the new neighbor for offering money.  I would have done the same.  It's interesting to me that some posters are suspicious of this new neighbor.  I don't understand that at all.  I don't see a reason to think the OP's husband had ulterior motives either.  It sounds to me like just a neighbor-helping-a-new-neighbor story.  IMO it was appropriate for her to offer money, and he was wrong to take it, but other than that small misstep, I don't find anything about this unusual or suspect at all.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,198
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

[ Edited ]

 

She could have said, "Thanks for offering, but could you tell me how to use the bagger and I'll do it myself?"

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,430
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

that's how a woman thinks.  dh wouldn't have been able to pull out his handy "lawn vac" if he just showed her how to use the blower. 

He's one of those "more horse, more power gearheads" 

think Tim Allen on home improvment. 

i would have totally tried to paid if that had been me as well.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

[ Edited ]

@GenXmuse wrote:

Maybe she didn’t want to feel obligated and felt like it was an even exchange and if she’s single she might be more comfortable making it business like. Perfectly understandable. 


 

 

Being single, she found her new handy man. No obligations with payment for services.

If I had a 6 pack, I would have given that

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,430
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

I wouldn't get yourself that upset....BUT I would talk with my husband and tell him how you feel (nicely calm) and that in the future he is not to be taking money from the neighbors.  OR you could always go over and talk to her and then give her the money back.  I know I would LOL!  But my spouse wouldn't have taken money to help a neighbor out no matter what they said!  Just try to ****** it in the bud so it doesn't happen again is all.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,466
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@NYC Susan wrote:

@Dragonflyveb wrote:

I am a single woman who has lived in my neighborhood for almost 30 years.

 

From my perspective, there are times when I need a "Prince Charming" to help out. However, PC is always out of town, so I am grateful when my neighbors help out with fallen tree limbs, moving something heavy, or shoveling snow. They don’t do the whole job for me, just help. It’s just nice when I don’t have to do it all alone. On the other hand, I don’t want someone helping all the time so I feel obligated.

 

I don’t offer money, but I do bake cookies or bread and drop that off. I appreciate the help! Sometimes, there is only so much I can do by myself.

 

I guess it depends on attitude. I am not interested in anyone's husband, sometimes a single person just needs some help.

 

dragonfly


I have been a single woman in a few different neighborhoods, and - like you - I was sometimes in need of assistance with small things.  There were always neighbors willing to help out, and I always offered money, but none of them ever took it.  

 

Like you, I wasn't interested in anyone else's husband.  The thought never crossed my mind!  And no one ever treated me as though I was.  When I was married, my husband often helped out neighbors, both male and female, and that was certainly fine with me.  I never felt threatened in the slightest.  

 

I don't blame the new neighbor for offering money.  I would have done the same.  It's interesting to me that some posters are suspicious of this new neighbor.  I don't understand that at all.  I don't see a reason to think the OP's husband had ulterior motives either.  It sounds to me like just a neighbor-helping-a-new-neighbor story.  IMO it was appropriate for her to offer money, and he was wrong to take it, but other than that small misstep, I don't find anything about this unusual or suspect at all.


 

 

@NYC Susan

 

i pretty much agree with your response except for one part.

 

i dont understand why you are saying it was wrong of him to take the money if you yourself offer money to people who help you? it was right of her to offer money, but wrong of him to take it? why even offer it if you dont think it is right for someone to take it?

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,430
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@missy1 wrote:

@GenXmuse wrote:

Maybe she didn’t want to feel obligated and felt like it was an even exchange and if she’s single she might be more comfortable making it business like. Perfectly understandable. 


 

 

Being single, she found her new handy man. No obligations with payment for services.

If I had a 6 pack, I would have given that


This is a true possibility....she probably would have perferred he just show her how to put on the attachment on her blower that way she can handle it herself in future....I would feel that way.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

[ Edited ]

Overreacting. You didn't mention if she is pretty also? DH got to show off his leaf vacuuming prowess to a new neighbor. He probably felt awkward refusing the money. I would ask him to think about returning it. Either that, or use it for a gift card to a local restaurant or store and give it to her so she can familiarize herself with the area.  Wouldnt spend any energy fretting about it. Just sounds like you have a dh with a helping spirit...lucky you😊