Re: Purging/How do other widows do this?

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

From what I've seen within my own family, everyone handles this differently. My FIL died in 1999, and when my MIL died in 2011, his clothes still hung right beside of hers in their closet, and the chest of drawers was also filled with his clothes. My Dad died in 2004, and all of his clothes are still in the closet and the chest of drawers in the room he slept in. My Mom does not feel a need to dispose of the clothing, and since my Dad was housebound for many years before he died, the things he wore are not worthy of packing up and donating. As for the tools, my MIL kept everything that belonged to my FIL, and my husband and his brothers used the tools when they fixed things around the house. My brothers use my Dad's tools when they fix things for Mom. My husband has already given me specific instructions about the worth of his tools, and what to do with them.

BellaPaprika · ‎03-09-2010

Hire a dumpster. I'm not being flippant. I totally mean it. The kids don't want any of that old stuff. Maybe a small memento or two of value, yes, but not clothes, books, tools, etc.. We have three daughters and a son and they're all about today and tomorrow. Not overly sentimental any of them so if DH goes first it's all going. Personally I think keeping the deceased person's clothing in the closet for years is creepy.

10grands · ‎03-10-2010

I have been a widow over 4 years now - Fairly quickly I donated my Husband's clothing to a homeless shelter. Tools, I kept them I still have my home and if anything needs repaired my family will have the tools here to help with that.

You mentioned Christmas decorations, etc. - when the actual Holiday comes around, maybe you will feel like decorating more than you think right now. If not, then is a good time to see if family wants any of it, if not - again donate to Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc. if it is still in good usable condition.

This is something that only someone who has gone through this loss can relate to and we all handle it in our way and in our own time.

Pickwickpapers · ‎06-24-2013

As a widow myself.......today is the six year anniversary........ The fact that you are questioning is good but there is no set time for anyone...... You will one day wake up and it will be the right day to start reorganizing your life....... For some that is earlier, for some much later and if you want you don't have to reorganize at all. Don't rush into it just take your time.....you will know in your heart when the time is right for you. My prayers and best wishes are with you.

Another new name Sue · ‎03-11-2010

I found it was easier to part with items to be donated when donating them to a local thrift shop which benefited local charities. For example, one thrift shop benefits the hospital. I felt this was more meaningful than just donating to Sal. Army or Goodwill (not that these aren't worthwhile organizations, of course).

For things which should be donated but have personal memories connected they can be kept until you are comfortable with letting them go. As a last gesture, you can take a photo of the things so you can remember them.

Also, gifting things to friends and family is meaningful, even neighbors.

Don't push yourself to get rid of things until you are ready. Remember, you cannot skirt around the slow, painful grieving process. You must walk straight through it.

Deepest condolences on your loss.