Purging/How do other widows do this?

Daysdee · ‎03-09-2010

There are other threads about purging the house of items you no longer need and particularly parting with stuff your kids won't want, etc. I was wondering how (what system do you use) many of the other widows part with things that they no longer need because of the extreme lifestyle change when one loses their spouse of many years. I know I will no longer entertain, decorate as much for Christmas, etc. so I do need to part with items. Do you get rid of all the tools that you cannot use? Any discussion will be helpful.

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

Daysdee, I consider myself fortunate because I still live in the home I shared with my husband and don't answer to anyone (live alone). This has allowed me to part with items in my own timeline. Our Christmas tree was old so I just placed that to the curb. I donated most of my husbands clothing to the Salvation Army. I am a DIYer so I still have tools in the garage. Some household type things like extra ladders went to my nephews. Some odds and end metal things went to a scrap recycler.

There are times when you must speak, not because you are going to change the opposing side, but because if you do not speak, they have changed you.

DCAnnie2004 · ‎03-15-2010

I would suggest beginning with things you can donate - it might feel good to help those in need.

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

What dc2004 say resonates with me. The clothing that I donated was like new and I donated in his name. We had a huge DVD collection and there were series' I had purchased for my husband that really didn't move me or interest me once he was gone (Sopranos, etc). My local library sells used DVDs and books and the proceeds benefit the library and when I donated easily $300 of DVD movies and series, the librarian was so excited.

It's my way of him living on if that makes any sense.

There are times when you must speak, not because you are going to change the opposing side, but because if you do not speak, they have changed you.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

When my father passed, we ended up doing a purge. It started with packing up his clothes, personal belongings, chair. We then moved to the cellar and garage. We kept tools, rakes, shovels, lawn mower and things like that that we may use. We moved along 90% of what was down there. We had many trips to the salvation army and a number of dumpsters. My mother wouldn't touch anything in the main floor of the house. So basically we purged my father's things. He's been gone for 4 years and they were married 49 years. She's recently mentioned she wants to get rid of dish sets and bakeware she no longer uses. I think she's ready to do a purge of her "old" life.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Whenever the person feels like it. As long as the survivor is doing well, moving on, and is in reasonably and fairly good spirits. No use in "pushing" people to dispose of certain items before they are ready. JMO

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

After my first husband died I was forced for financial reasons to sell and move from our home very quickly so I was forced to downsize into an apartment. That reality made me get rid of things I would normally have held on to for a while longer. Ilet each of the kids keep a few momentos from their Dad and got rid of anything else that was no longer useful.

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

As for me it's not a matter of not wanting to let go of things, it's a matter of not knowing where to start.

I've lived in this house for over 35 years. My husband died several years ago. When he lived here with me it was spotless (no junk). Then I discovered QVC, HSN. I have so much stuff. It's a big house and I have stuff everywhere (not dirty, just stuff).

My best friend came over and helped me organize all of the business papers (we owned several businesses), but I still have so much things it's overwhelming.

I know of a company (they are nationwide) who do things like that, it's just a matter of calling them and getting started.

I think there are a lot of women like us, especially widows who've lived in the same place for a long time.

I have made up my mind as soon as the weather gets warmer, this is it.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Days -- my heart goes out to you. I haven't been through this, but some friends have. Be brave and take care.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

kittyloo · ‎03-11-2010

for me personally, I got rid of most everything. I wanted a fresh new start, that was going to be about my life and me, and not a constant reminder of everything I looked at making me sad. I got new furniture, rearranged it the way I wanted it. clothing gone. before he passed, he had his nephews come, and they took all his sporting equipment. I sold his trucks, and the travel trailer.

we had a really good marriage, and I felt like most of great memories were mine to keep.

I got all new flooring put upstairs, and new double windows put in. the upstairs I turned into a huge dressing room, closet.

I have a cute "chick" pad now. I still miss him like crazy, its just not as fun without him. but, I can't curl up and die either.

i'm doing dog fostering, and they "need" me. I am cursing him everytime I have to hire someone to do some small thing that I could just ask him to fix, but that's the life I was dealt. gotta make it work.