Need Help Getting Mother to Use Walker...Suggestio... - Page 6

dex · ‎03-09-2010

My mom is 90 and won't use a walker either.She says they are for old weak people and anyhow what if someone saw her with one.I find that funny because all of her friends are in the age group that needs some sort of assistance.I think my mom holds it as a badge of honor to be able to get around like a younger person.I do worry that she will fall and be hospitalized but she wants the right to make her own choices and I get it.Who wants to ever give up their independence and I am sure that when the time comes I will be like my mother in that way.

Yardlie · ‎03-10-2010

I can't thank you all enough for all the great tips, insight, and empathy...as well as experiences that you have shared.

Yes, my mother does have a walker. She has the regular cheap one that Medicare pays for, plus she has a nice one with the wheels, a seat, storage, and brakes. She won't use that one either. She also has the nice cloth storage bag on the front of the Medicare walker...and a tray that will fit on top if she wants to carry something. She has the little "skis" on that walker. She is just very bull-headed.

We have an appointment with her doctor on Friday. I will ask for his help with this issue when we go in. She needs to hear where she is possibly headed if she falls again. It is her life, but it could change in a second with a bad fall.

Thank you again, everyone! You have all been so helpful.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

My own mother wouldn't use "help" until her balance became an issure. she tried to hide that she'd fallen in the garage, but a daycare assistant informed me of bruises that she found mom had. Dad used the 3 wheeler one, so he could use the little carry-all on it, like for his glasses, his wallet, that sort of thing. So, in solving a problem or reaching a need, as other's have stated, reminders of how long a broken hip takes to mend at that age, could help. But then they can be reminded, day care can be brought in to help with baths, meals, etc. (Eye wink here). You just have to reason a bit with them, a sprinkling of threat/promise of what could happen, and leave it up to them. There's so little someone that age can decide any longer for themselves, that they dig their feet in sometimes and don't want to budge. Even if we know what is best and usually in the right circumstances, they would know too. It's a bit different now though. Good luck. @Yardlie

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Brinklii wrote:
I can't thank you all enough for all the great tips, insight, and empathy...as well as experiences that you have shared.

Yes, my mother does have a walker. She has the regular cheap one that Medicare pays for, plus she has a nice one with the wheels, a seat, storage, and brakes. She won't use that one either. She also has the nice cloth storage bag on the front of the Medicare walker...and a tray that will fit on top if she wants to carry something. She has the little "skis" on that walker. She is just very bull-headed.

We have an appointment with her doctor on Friday. I will ask for his help with this issue when we go in. She needs to hear where she is possibly headed if she falls again. It is her life, but it could change in a second with a bad fall.

Thank you again, everyone! You have all been so helpful.

While you can't make old people do what they don't want to, you can refuse to taker out without a walker. It is a hard road and you can't control all issues. I feel your pain. But remember, not everything is your fault or in your control. . .

Toppers · ‎01-01-2015

@Stila wrote:
Hello,I am a former nurse. Loss of independence, is a big factor for those who need assistance. Sometimes adding a beautiful pocket holder to the walker,to hold things,make our loved ones feel special. It is also good to take them, around others who use walkers. They don't feel so isolated. It is nice to take them to a place such as dinner or an activity,that people who use walkers attend. Also,walkers are not just for aged. Young people use them too. I hope this helps. I loved caring for others. Best wishes.

This is true-what I highlighted.

I use a walker, and I am much younger than the Mom in the OP.

I actually don't mind using a walker, because it helps to keep me safe. The last thing that I need, is to fall and really hurt myself.

It does sound counter-intuitive, but using an assitive piece of medical equipment does make you feel more independent, from someone who does use one.

You can get around better, than if you didn't have it to use.

doxie1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Yardlie

Both the children and the parent learned about themselves from our experience. The children learned they wanted to protect their parent with "bubble wrap". The parent said she did not want to live that way. We came to a consensus on what would make each of us feel better. My mom still has to be able to make decisions. We were able to remind her that there are worse things than death. This reminded her of a relative that lived for 40 something years in an iron lung. She wants to live in her own house and saw that the way to make that happen was to use the walker. It was a struggle when we went out at times because she felt like she was in the way with the walker. When people started greeting her and being glad to see her it changed.

We did get her one with the four big wheels. They make a huge difference in getting around. It does have a seat which she loves.

A funny for you. We were going to a funeral and she all of a sudden wanted the walker detailed with cleaning and polishing to make it sparkly. It was so funny when we realized how far she had come.

She did not feel like we were making demands but she felt like we were sharing our fears, concerns and thoughts. I think this empowered her to make the decision. She is so strong willed that I do not think it would have worked to push her into something.

When she gets somewjere she is off like a racehorse with that walker and we have to trot to catch up. That seems to make her smile!

I wish you success in your venture and will say some prayers for you and your mom.

doxie

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

First and foremost, bless you for taking such good care of your Mom. I too have been a caregiver for both parents (both have passed) and I know how difficult it is having to make sure they stay safe but not stripping them of their independence.

You've had some excellent ideas on this thread. Caregivers bond through what we have gone through and for the love we share for our loved ones.

My Dad broke a hip and had to use a walker. It was hard for him, but the doctor told him either he used the walker or he'll have to be in a wheelchair. My Dad would not be in the chair. He relunctantly used the walker, but when he saw his progress, I think it made him want to use it to stay safe and yet feel more mobile.

What you're going through is one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. Let your Mom know how much you care about her and how important it is for you to see her stay safe. You can turn it around and say it scares you to have her fall and you can't bear to see her get hurt. Maybe, she'll see that her actions affect you, too.

Take her places where she would feel confident in the walker. Take her for walks and let her know she will be stronger while using it.

My best to you. Take care of yourself and honor yourself for your loving gift to your Mom.

Bless you!

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

@Yardlie You are welcome. It is frustrating when you are the mom and then you have to give up the 'leadership' and gradually you understand your 'reign' (so to speak) you know what I mean, is over and you have to concede to your children. It isn't easy. That's part of it.

I'm constantly saying to my adult girls, "You forget, I'm YOUR mom". I just got into it on the phone this evening with my youngest (she's soon 36 year old daughter) because I'm having knee replacement and the Dr wants me to go home from the hospital and my daughter wants me to go to rehab. Didn't mean to stray from subject, just saying it never ends....

My point was not to make your Mom feel guilty, but to approach it in a way that appeals to her sense of being 'the mom'. Like when you were young and she did her best to make your life easier.

There is a book you should read. I've recommended it many times for mothers and daughters. It was written a long time ago by someone named Nancy Friday. She was a bit controversial in her day for other books. However, this book goes to the heart of the relationship between mothers and daughters.

I've had other people read it and say, "OK, now I get it" (as regards that 'strange/wonderful/difficult/loving' relationship. It might help you understand a little better where she is coming from. The book is no longer in print but you can get it cheap just about anywhere. I bought a bunch of them at a used book store and gave them out. It's not like 'a bible' for understanding, it just adds to the insight of the complex relationship.

Anyway, sorry to go on. Please come back and let us know how things are going. The beauty of this 'place' is it is anonymous. The problem is there will always be people who feel the 'need' to beat up on others because they think or feel differently. If that happens just ignore them. You know in your heart you are doing your best.

That's a good phrase, "I'm doing my best", Good because if one has a good heart 'doing their best is really excellent in itself and more than adequate for any situation'. That's all any of us can do. If you do that, you'll sleep well knowing .....well...you've done your best.

Phew! My brain hurts from thinking. Take care and know you are not alone......

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

@Mominohio I do agree with you about how one has to try different approaches, (i.e. if one doesn't work, try something else and so on).

I get so frustrated at people who sit in judgment of others. No one can judge someone else.

I go on the premise that (for the most part) people are good (or at least most often try to do the right thing). I think this is true especially when trying to deal with elderly parents.

I never had to do this as my father died when I was 16 and my mother died while I was in my 50's and she was a pretty spry 70 something.

I do think he has to be very difficult (especially for daughters) when dealing with their elderly mothers. I know I'm in pretty good health, living alone but I drive my daughters crazy.

I also know when they finally pull the 'mom, you are making life difficult for ME' routine, it makes my heart start the thaw! Ha!

They also know that they'd better not use it too often or it loses it's power. Ha!

wishmoon · ‎08-14-2013

I use a rollator, (the wheeled walker with the seat) and have had to since I was 60. You sound like such a caring person but I have to agree with your husband about not taking her places unless she's safe. Too many of those falls are dangerous. With her rollator, if she becomes tired, she can sit down. She can also put her purse (no matter how heavy) on the rollator and it's perfect! Good luck in persuading her to use it, once she gets used to it, she'll love the convenience and the safety.