Funeral Viewing Question - Page 7

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Allegheny wrote:
@CalminHeart wrote:
Uh, yes. Why would the sister not want to be there?
@CalminHeart
Hi, I am the OP. The deceased is my 84 year old sister-in-law, not my sister.

My inquiry was whether it was expected for all the deceased person's siblings and their spouses (8 people) be present for both visitation periods at the funeral home inaddition to the deceased's husband, 3 children + spouses and five grands + spouses.

My own personal feeling if the deceased was my sibling, I would definitely be present for both visitation periods and that seemed to be the consensus of others. I would hope my husband would accompany me at both visitations but if he couldn't that would be OK.

Obviously you have a reason for not wanting to go to both, so don't go. It might be better for all if there is some hard feeling in the way or some tension.

MKR14 · ‎03-09-2010

My brother passed away yesterday suddenly and was 80 years old and in bad health. As close a family as we all are as sibleys this is what we decided:

My brother is being creatmated so the services are not until Wednesday. My sister is coming from Virginia and the rest of us are in New York. In lieu of flowers from us sibleys we have decided each to do what our brother would like. My sister coming is giving to the heart association- my brother had open heart surgery and only part of his heart worked-my other sister and I are giving to my brother's church for their Food Bank. My deceased brother loved his church and they were good to him. My older brother is giving money in a card to my deceased brothers daughter as the rest of his kids would want it and she will use it where needed. My brother's wife died two years ago. He didn't want flowers so we are honoring his wishes. His children never reach out to any of us unless at a wedding or funeral either.

The calling hours are 2-4 pm and 6-8 pm with a service afterwards. My older sister and myself have health problems and since I am not very strong yet we will be there for the 2-4 pm and my older brother and younger sister will be there for all the calling hours. My brother would want us to take care of our health as well as we are farther away from the funeral home. We are having snow storms this week and can't afford to be caught in one. We are taking my older sister and husband and have to take them home as they have no car so the trip back to the funeral home is another long trip. If circumstances were different my sister and I would be there for all of the rest of the calling hours. My family supports us on this.

WANTED TO ADD THIS: My brother and I were very close and I talked to him and saw him the last week. I took my brother by his face and told him he was part of my world and he would always have a piece of my heart and to never forget that. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too. I always had my brothers back whenever he needed anything and it is hard knowing he is gone. Just wanted you to understand my decision.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Allegheny wrote:
@CalminHeart wrote:
Uh, yes. Why would the sister not want to be there?
@CalminHeart
Hi, I am the OP. The deceased is my 84 year old sister-in-law, not my sister.

My inquiry was whether it was expected for all the deceased person's siblings and their spouses (8 people) be present for both visitation periods at the funeral home inaddition to the deceased's husband, 3 children + spouses and five grands + spouses.

My own personal feeling if the deceased was my sibling, I would definitely be present for both visitation periods and that seemed to be the consensus of others. I would hope my husband would accompany me at both visitations but if he couldn't that would be OK.
Obviously you have a reason for not wanting to go to both, so don't go. It might be better for all if there is some hard feeling in the way or some tension.

@Sooner

No hard feelings or tensions whatsoever. I am certainly sorry if something in my post/question gave that impression.

But all is well. We did attend both. We left the second visitation at 7p instead of 8p as we aren't local and had long drive home; needed to be up at 6a the following morning to get ready and drive to the funeral home for 9a.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@MKR14, Sorry for the loss of your brother, my condolances to you and your family.

MKR14 · ‎03-09-2010

@qualitygal Thank you. All 4 of us siblings left will be 81,73,68, and 64 years old this year. With my younger sister in remission right now from multiple myeloma, my oldest brother having two open heart surgeries, my heart and pancreas problems we are all aware we need to stay close. My older sister has diabetes but otherwise in good health. I have been thinking lately how we would miss each other when one of passed away. I never take any of my loved ones for granted. If they don't call I just pick up the phone and call them. I have never been one to say, That if they don't call I'm not calling either. Saw too many people play that game. Good lesson to learn before it is too late.

Mustang Shar · ‎03-24-2010

@Keeper of the koi wrote:
My husbands family has been in this community for many generations , my fil husband and brotherinlaws worked as sargents at a local prison for many many years , i know this sounds like a lot. I also had a waitstaff hired and had all buffet type items ,like i said it took 3 entire days. Entire roads with police were shut down, it was an enormous show of support. My mother in law knows many charitable foundations and is a volunteer of many communities historical foundations. .. the reception went from 12 til 8 pm. 3 local florists were shut down due to lack of floral arrangements . lovely considering our nephew was a introvert and had very few friends...Maryanne

@Keeper of the koi,

That is a wonderful memorial! What an honor to help in the preparation

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@MKR14

I express my sympathy to you and your family in loss of your brother. Your family is much like my DH's in age, health and attitude. They are all close and have each other backs through thick and thin. It is nice to see that trait is being continued by their children and grandchildren.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@qvcfreak wrote:
Speaking of funerals, my Dad's younger brother died Sunday, we traveled yesterday 4 hours to attend the service this morning and my own cousin didn't attend her own Father's funeral. She went to the viewing yesterday and apparently she had to sleep this morning. We still can't believe it. And she lives there.

That may not be the reason at all...

When my parents died my sister was there for the afternoon viewing only she was not emotionally able to sit through two viewings or the service the day they were cremated...

qvcfreak · ‎03-10-2010

@CelticCrafter wrote:
@qvcfreak wrote:
Speaking of funerals, my Dad's younger brother died Sunday, we traveled yesterday 4 hours to attend the service this morning and my own cousin didn't attend her own Father's funeral. She went to the viewing yesterday and apparently she had to sleep this morning. We still can't believe it. And she lives there.
That may not be the reason at all...

When my parents died my sister was there for the afternoon viewing only she was not emotionally able to sit through two viewings or the service the day they were cremated...

I wish it was that but my aunt told us they are having a lot of problems with her, drugs, alcohol and partying. Thank God my aunt and uncle adopted her 3 kids

Jaspersmom · ‎06-08-2011

@happygolfcartrider wrote:
@Allegheny wrote:
I am curious about something and would like to get understanding from others.

For example, say your sister passes. She is local, married with grown children and grown grandchildren. Would you feel that as sibling you need or it is your place to be present for the entire time of both visitation periods.

I know this probably is a personal preference, but just would like to know others experiences.

I really don't have much experience in this, my mother passed before most of her siblings and I can't remember much from my father's family. Just to preface, this is not my sibling that passed.
You mention both visitations? Why are there two.
I do think that a sibling should be present unless there are circumstances that prevent it.