Wellness

[embgm]

I agree with DJP. If he is drinking every night he won't get his life in order. The question I have is have you seen any progress in his getting his life in order since he has been with you? What is he doing during the day to get his life in order.....looking for a job? going for therapy? Attending classes? Since we don't know what his issues are you can ask yourself the appropriate question ,what progress is he making? And perhaps discuss a plan with him to reach his goals. I would first discuss this with him before his drinking. If he is an alcoholic he is not gonna stop drinking because you ask him too but maybe with some communication you can really determine how much help your brother needs before you take action on the drinking issue.

[goodstuff]

You may not be able to tell if your brother is an alcoholic, but he is out of line if he is drinking in your home when he is your guest and you've made it clear you don't want alcohol there. He should respect you enough to honor your wishes in your home.....and you should respect yourself enough to insist on it.

The issue isn't whether he's "a mean drunk" or "falling down" or whether a bottle of wine in a night is "too much" or whether he is really "getting his life in order". The immediate issue is that he isn't respecting your wishes when he is a guest in your home. If he wants to drink, he should go elsewhere. Whether he is an alcoholic or not, cutting down on alcohol consumption while he is staying with you will not hurt him......and may very well help him.

[Mominohio]

I think anyone who needs to drink on a daily basis has a problem with alcohol and other problems that are leading to this.

It is your house, and there is nothing wrong with a no alcohol or coming home intoxicated policy.

You are doing him a favor, letting him stay with you. He has experienced some rough times, and I know he needs some compassion, but it sounds like he might need some help even more.

Please lay it on the line with him, with as much kindness as you can to begin with. If he doesn't respect your wishes, and if he doesn't seem to respond to wanting to seek some therapy (for way more than drinking, I mean he has suffered such awful loss), you may need to eventually ask him to leave, especially if he begins to self destruct. Sometimes we can only do so much for others, they have to want to be helped and change as well.

I sincerely wish you and especially him, the very best and hope he can move past some of the loss he has suffered.

[Crisso]

Dear Persefonel, I responded before I saw your latest response. How sad! I am sure that you are being as good a sister as possible. This is a tough situation. I am so so sorry and wish I had a better answer for you. Let us know how things work out. We care for you!

[care giver]

he may or may not be an alcoholic.Either way there's nothing you can do about it.Either you want him there or you don't.If you stand on principle and kick him out you will probably lose your brother

[embgm]

Sounds like your brother needs to take a break from everyday life and enter a rehab facility that can help him with his drinking and have counseling to help his mental state. Unless you are a therapist his problems are too complicated for you to deal with on your own. I'm sorry he has had such a hard time. I will pray for both of you. Don't give up on him. He does need your support.it's a good idea for you to get some counseling on how to proceed. Good luck.

[Carmie]

On 3/14/2015 kathoderay said:

On 3/14/2015 Persephonel said: I don't drink, I have nothing against anyone who does, I just don't do it. My brother is staying with me for awhile to get his life in order. I'm pretty sure he is an alcoholic, because he can't seem to stop and gets upset with me because I don't like him drinking. He drinks either a bottle of wine, or two large size beers a night. He says there is nothing wrong with it and thinks It would do me good to start drinking! I think because it is my house and I don't want him to drink he should respect my feelings. Am I wrong? Do you have an opinion? TIA

It's your way or the highway...

It's amazing to me that posters do not like it when someone does not allow drinking in their own home, but some of the same posters (not mentioning any names here) are Okay with insisting that visitors to their home remove their shoes before entering.

That was my chuckle for the day.

[KarenQVC]

OP--This is a very complicated situation. Does he have the insurance for therapy or rehab? If not, his first step might be to get a basic job and some insurance. Does DUI usually keep you from getting a school system job? Why did he lose his job? Real estate might be good profession, but how long will it take him to get off the ground? I'm just thinking he needs a simple job, health insurance, a small apartment and his independence to make his decisions about alcohol use. Then you can keep in touch with him for moral support.

[birkin baby]

Your house, your rules....period.

[Cookie777]

On 3/14/2015 KarenQVC said:

OP--This is a very complicated situation. Does he have the insurance for therapy or rehab? If not, his first step might be to get a basic job and some insurance. Does DUI usually keep you from getting a school system job? Why did he lose his job? Real estate might be good profession, but how long will it take him to get off the ground? I'm just thinking he needs a simple job, health insurance, a small apartment and his independence to make his decisions about alcohol use. Then you can keep in touch with him for moral support.

he is a veteran so does have good health care, thank goodness . he has been through counseling, after the loss of his son. He went back to school to specialize in special education, but no one will hire him! He thinks it is because of his age. They want someone young rather than experienced .