Wellness

[LilacTree]

On 3/21/2015 Sooner said:

A lot of people are talking about helping family, but does that include being angry, uncomfortable and perhaps even afraid in your own home? What do some of you say about this and where do people draw the line?

And personally, I think it is nice that we can come here, be unknown on a personal level, and have conversations with others and share experiences. I doubt if anyone makes up their minds or lives their lives according to the QVC bulletin boards, but if gives us other experiences to think about.

My sister was not dangerous. She was argumentative and sometimes even mean, and we had some blowout fights, but I was never afraid of her. She just made me cry a lot. When I look back, I could have controlled that better and wish I had. But we were close again many years before she died.

And I agree wholeheartedly with your second paragraph.

[MizKringle]

Ford1224 - You are such a compassionate and kind soul to support your sister in the way you did for so many years. I'm sure it was not easy. While I love my siblings and would help them if I could, I don't know if I could live with them for a few years. For a shorter time, yes I could. Thank you for reminding us that we do what we need to in order to help family. My feeling is that we don't get a do-over on these types of things. Either you do it right the first time around or you will live with the regret of not having done so later on. It sounds like you created an environment for your sister that made it possible for her to make good choices in her life. Ultimately, she was not capable of doing that. You did all you could and the rest was up to her. But even with the choices she made, you still accepted her and loved her. That is all that is asked of us. And we are not expected to do this perfectly.

[MizKringle]

Persephonel - I just read a very interesting article about people with alcohol problems and scientifically based treatments. I thought it was excellent and you may want to read it too. I don't think we're supposed to post links here, but if you google the title and/or author, you should be able to find it. Both you and your brother may want to read it.

The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous by Gabrielle Glaser, originally published in the Atlantic

I am glad to hear your brother is getting some help now. It is always a process and it takes time. I wish you both well.

[NoelSeven]

If you don't want alcohol in your home, you have the right to say so and mean it. If he wants to drink at leisure, he can go elsewhere.

After my daughter was born, I didn't allow smoking in my home.

[LucyGoose]

do you think it is OK for a relative who is staying with you to drink alcohol if you do not drink ?

No, not if they get drunk. I don't like that.

[LilacTree]

On 3/22/2015 mskringle said:

Ford1224 - You are such a compassionate and kind soul to support your sister in the way you did for so many years. I'm sure it was not easy. While I love my siblings and would help them if I could, I don't know if I could live with them for a few years. For a shorter time, yes I could. Thank you for reminding us that we do what we need to in order to help family. My feeling is that we don't get a do-over on these types of things. Either you do it right the first time around or you will live with the regret of not having done so later on. It sounds like you created an environment for your sister that made it possible for her to make good choices in her life. Ultimately, she was not capable of doing that. You did all you could and the rest was up to her. But even with the choices she made, you still accepted her and loved her. That is all that is asked of us. And we are not expected to do this perfectly.

Thank you Mskringle. What a kind and comforting post.

[lulu2]

If I kept an alcohol free home then no, a relative living with me should not be drinking alcohol.

If I simply choose not to drink alcohol, I see nothing wrong with that relative drinking, but not abusing, a moderate amount of alcohol. If the imbibing became excessive, I would tell that relative if he/she wanted to continue this living situation, alcohol consumption would not be allowed

If the first case were true, I would have made it clear to the relative before he/she moved in.

Under no circumstance would I allow anyone to smoke in my home.