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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,400
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Update On My Mother

[ Edited ]

We were so exicited last time I posted but, sadlly, that room at the nursing home and rehab we  wanted to get Mom to didn't work out.  Someone made a mistake and there wasn't really a room available like we were originally told.    

 

That only left one other place to choose from as it was the only one our social worker at the hospital could find with an opening.   I researched it online and it had great reviews and the social worker agreed that her feedback on it was good . When the nursing home van came to pick mom up from the hospital and took her to their facility, my sister and mother took one look at it and walked out.  My sister called me at home and said the place was nothing like they expected and  informed me that she was on her way back to the hospital with mom in the car to try to get all the meds that were prescribed for her that were obviously much needed  (meds like Plavix, Heprin, Lassix...you probably get the picture).  DH and I jumped in our suv to meet them outside the hospital parking lot  at the hospital she was just dismissed from. We took mom straight home and settled her in.  She was so happy.  

 

It took my sister awhile.  She went up to the heart floor and told them what happened.  They got a hold of all Mom's doctors and prescriptions were sent to her drugstore. They were important prescriptions that she cannot be without right now (Plavix, Heprin, Lassix)...you probably get the picture. 

 

Anyway, Mom is home and, while weak, she is walking pretty good.  We are now looking for "in home rehab". She is very old and according to what we have heard and read, she probably only has a year (probably less than that) unless God deems it otherwise.  She accepts that.

 

Oh, and one other thing.... we were only going to get to see her (at this facility)  by appointment.  We would never be able to go to her room.  They would bring her to us in a family room at their facility.   We would not  be able to observe her care. That was something none of us felt we could live with! We understand that they are doing this to protect patients from Covid.  If we would have been told  (ahead of time) we would just have taken her home. I guess we should have known to ask but our minds are a little weary right now.   What a day?  We are all exhausted but mom will have her meds this morning so we are happy about that and happy that she is happy.  Her mind is sharp and she is an easy going person so she deserves better than what she was going to get.  My heart is at peace.

Thanks once again for all  your support.     

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,206
Registered: ‎08-08-2011

@jubilant  You and your sister are such great daughters looking out for your mom!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,400
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

@itsmagic  Oh, thank you!  She is easy to love and has always wanted what was best for us. We just want what's best for her.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,686
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@jubilant   your mom and all your family are so fortunate you have found a way to try to care for her (perhaps) final months in a home setting.  I sincerely hope you all  are able to see the advantages you already have described fo us continue for a long time.   

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,594
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

What a time you've had. As Bette Davis said, "Getting old is not for sissies." It's so hard to deal with the myriad of problems of aging and caregiving. Sorry to say, we Americans are not #1 in that department. My 99 year old mother is depleting her savings because she has a 24/7 aide at home...but at least she's home. I'm going in the same direction with my husband, who has Alzheimer's. We also have a 24/7 aide plus a cleaning woman, who has taken over my responsibilities because of a worsening of my asthma. I have mold specialists coming in because I just discovered what may well be the cause of my breathing troubles. Here comes another cashectomy.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,904
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

@jubilant   Your mom has two fabulous daughters.   

 

I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday and it's shocking that some families have such low regard for their close family members and their suffering, and aren't willing to "inconvenience" themselves in order to help and support their family in their time of need.

 

So glad it worked out for your mom, she has found the best place for her to stay with people that love her and will take wonderful care of her. 



......You look like I need a drink.....
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,900
Registered: ‎05-15-2014

For some people it is way more than an inconvenience.   Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition.  I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother.   We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

 

I am glad it turned out well for your mom.  We all have different situations in life.  As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,056
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@jubilant My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are wonderful daughters to your mother. I know what you are going through. My mother was in nursing home for 6 months before she passed and we could not visit due to Covid. I think it's a regret we will always live with. I pray you will be able to keep her at home with you so you can enjoy this time with her. I am keeping your family in my prayers. 
Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,903
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

The scheduling of visits and no in-room visits is often a state mandate during Covid times.  Many times nursing homes have been shut down entirely.  Many close for days until all workers and residents are tested. 

 

Also, if you live away, you don't feel like you can travel at times. I know several who haven't seen people in nursing homes for a very long time.  It is what it is in this day and age, and you don't get a choice.  

 

You are blessed that you are able to say no and do otherwise.  My heart goes out to all in that situation. May you be blessed during this journey any of you now face.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,400
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

@LindaSal wrote:

For some people it is way more than an inconvenience.   Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition.  I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother.   We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

 

I am glad it turned out well for your mom.  We all have different situations in life.  As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.


@LindaSal   I totally understand where you are coming from.  It was different with my Dad.  He had some mental issues plus many physical  issues. He would often not cooperate with mom.  She is tiny woman.  He weighed 195 lbs. and when he wouldn't listen to her...she couldn't physically handle him.  We kept him at home for years but finally we could see it  was killing mom so we found a nursing home not far away and between the 3 of us kids and mom, we visited him at least 4 or 5 days a week and spent time with him and enjoyed joining him for many of the senior functions.  They had a room where we could have a family Christmas, concerts, outdoor barbecues, etc. so we joined in on most of those. We were able to do that because we all lived close.  Not everyone has that, I know. Sadly he passed away at almost 89 yrs. old 4 yrs. ago but we felt we did our best by him even though it broke our hearts to put him in.  

I do have a heart conditon and some other problems as does DH.  My sister understands that and she doesn't have a husband so she knows the burden will be greater on her.  I do have to think of DH, too.  My brother, sister, and I don't agree on everything, and we each can drive each other a little crazy at times  but somehow we  work it out and can still part with a hug and an "I love you".  I realize that every family is different and it's oh so complicated for us all. As you said, we all have different situations. I truly understand that.