Update On My Mother - Page 2

Just Bling · ‎03-10-2010

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.

1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit

the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".

1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines

2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.

3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.

4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.

@LindaSal I know what you are talking about and we are in the same boat. People forget when someone lives to be in their 90's or 100's their kid may need care as well, or be in no shape to deal with things.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@jubilant I will only add that a HUGE red flag for me would be not being able to see my loved one when I wanted to.

They may have "good' reasons for needing it by appointment but for me that 's a big NO. I'm always suspicious of stuff like that.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@jubilant-again,the best to you and your mother.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@Sooner wrote:
@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.
@LindaSal I know what you are talking about and we are in the same boat. People forget when someone lives to be in their 90's or 100's their kid may need care as well, or be in no shape to deal with things.

@Sooner @LindaSal

I can very much relate to that.

Also, some of us have no siblings, or children to lend a hand. Both DH and I fall into that category, and it is hard.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Just Bling wrote:
@jubilant

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.
1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit
the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".
1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines
2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.
3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.
4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

@Just Bling When I said what I did about "a year" I was really just talking about medical statistics. I don't always go by them as both I and my mother believe when it's your time, it's your time and that is totally in God's hands. Actually, I had just read an article when I said that. It said, "90% of people, that elderly and with her problems only live about one year (at the most) with this diagnosis. We know God can over ride that if He wants to. With 5 blocked arteries and blocked vessels in both arms and no surgery to correct it, and being 92 and frail, I just think it's unlikely. I do believe in miracles so if God decides to give us one....we'll take it!!! You gave a lot of good advice. Thank you! I'm always learning something new from the posters here.

vsm · ‎05-08-2010

@jubilant wrote:
@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.
@LindaSal I totally understand where you are coming from. It was different with my Dad. He had some mental issues plus many physical issues. He would often not cooperate with mom. She is tiny woman. He weighed 195 lbs. and when he wouldn't listen to her...she couldn't physically handle him. We kept him at home for years but finally we could see it was killing mom so we found a nursing home not far away and between the 3 of us kids and mom, we visited him at least 4 or 5 days a week and spent time with him and enjoyed joining him for many of the senior functions. They had a room where we could have a family Christmas, concerts, outdoor barbecues, etc. so we joined in on most of those. We were able to do that because we all lived close. Not everyone has that, I know. Sadly he passed away at almost 89 yrs. old 4 yrs. ago but we felt we did our best by him even though it broke our hearts to put him in.
I do have a heart conditon and some other problems as does DH. My sister understands that and she doesn't have a husband so she knows the burden will be greater on her. I do have to think of DH, too. My brother, sister, and I don't agree on everything, and we each can drive each other a little crazy at times but somehow we work it out and can still part with a hug and an "I love you". I realize that every family is different and it's oh so complicated for us all. As you said, we all have different situations. I truly understand that.

You are without question, @jubilant , a fine wife, daughter, and sister -- doing your best in such difficult circumstances. It is very difficult taking care of elderly parents, and you are an inspiration to me.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@jubilant I will only add that a HUGE red flag for me would be not being able to see my loved one when I wanted to.

They may have "good' reasons for needing it by appointment but for me that 's a big NO. I'm always suspicious of stuff like that.

@Love my grandkids It is because of COVID and also because they are short staffed. We've had this too since the virus and it is what it is and mostly is law driven.

They have to control visitors and access or like one place near us, when this first started, most of the residents died in like 2 weeks. They learned how to deal with it better as time wore on.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Vivian wrote:
What a time you've had. As Bette Davis said, "Getting old is not for sissies." It's so hard to deal with the myriad of problems of aging and caregiving. Sorry to say, we Americans are not #1 in that department. My 99 year old mother is depleting her savings because she has a 24/7 aide at home...but at least she's home. I'm going in the same direction with my husband, who has Alzheimer's. We also have a 24/7 aide plus a cleaning woman, who has taken over my responsibilities because of a worsening of my asthma. I have mold specialists coming in because I just discovered what may well be the cause of my breathing troubles. Here comes another cashectomy.

@Vivian Yes, medical bills for my Dad ate up much of their income.

We have a deep crawl space. DH went down in it last week and found some mold on some pipes. Thankfully he didn't find a lot and every year he goes down and checks it out and get's rid of it. This year, however, he could hardly climb out of the opening to under the house. I think next year we will maybe send a grandson down there. It is fairly deep and you can walk through it. Actually, it looked pretty dry, he said. The mold was just on the pipes. We know a couple that were having allergy problems and when they had their air vents cleaned their allergies disappeared....just a thought.

It sounds like you really have a lot on your plate. I said a prayer for you. This is not easy, is it?

juanitalinda · ‎03-11-2010

@Just Bling wrote:
@jubilant

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.
1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit
the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".
1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines
2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.
3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.
4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

Boy, have we had that experience with the home rehab people. What a waste of time. That is one of the reasons we put my mother in a skilled nursing facility this time instead of being at home like she wanted.

I also strongly disagree that taking care of a parent at home is just an 'inconvenience.' Sometimes it can be dangerous.

As others have stated, it truly depends on the mental health of the relative as well as their physical health. Some parents have types of dementia that cause them to be verbally and physically abusive to their caregivers. Nursing homes can be a blessing in those cases. I speak from experience ... the elder abuse going on in our home was not directed towards the elderly patient, but towards the caregivers. At least in the nursing home no one person received the abuse 24/7.