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02-17-2015 06:28 PM
02-17-2015 08:27 PM
02-17-2015 08:54 PM
Hugs back to you Poodlepet. I'm glad you posted. I have always found comfort from many nice posters here. It truly does help to know that you are not alone in what you are going through or what you are feeling.
02-17-2015 08:58 PM
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it is so hard to deal with. Ten years ago, I too dealt with a life altering condition and here is what I think is the important part. I like you, got home and thought that I should be so glad to be alive and to be home. However, I felt scattered and depressed. My DH traveled at the time and my kids were away at college. I was weeping throughout the day etc. I got lucky, an occupational therapist that came to my home told me to get to a mental health professional and I did that very day. I called the number on the back of my insurance card.
Later, I learned that having illness and being in ICU can lead to a change in the brain's biochemistry and I was depressed. Along with other meds, they put me on an antidepressant. It made a world of difference.
Tell your doctor everything and ask if there is someone you can talk to about how you are feeling. If your doctor disregards your feelings get a therapist on your own.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
02-17-2015 09:03 PM
02-17-2015 09:37 PM
On 2/17/2015 Ford1224 said:I totally agree. When I worked at the hospital they were very proactive about dealing with depression as a high number of patients who undergo heart surgery become depressed. I think it is very common, so please do not feel you are alone. Have you called your doctor and told them how you are feeling? You might need an antidepressant for awhile to get over the hump. Best wishes!I am surprised that your doctors did not warn you that symptoms like you are suffering are very common after the severity of what you have been through. It is physical trauma and mental/emotional trauma that your body and mind are trying to recover from.
I am surprised that they released you directly to your home without any PT or rehab. I think that would have been very helpful, kinda like an interim recovery room where you could progress more slowly. I have had both PT and rehab in a facility and at home, and there is no comparison . . . the facility brings one a sense of safety that going directly home does not. At least it did for me. And the women who came to my home left a lot to be desired. Most of them hated their jobs, and the last three actually told me they were quitting or that my visit was their last day. I don't know if you had a better experience with the PTs who came to your home . . . I hope you did.
I have a sense that you are going to be fine. Coming so close to death cannot be easy to handle and it seems it happened to you several times. Are you still on meds? Did they prescribe any anti-anxiety meds you can take short term? Sometimes they can be very helpful.
My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. Be patient and calm, take your time. I hope your family is visiting often. Having them around can be so therapeutic. Many here seem to have gone through something similar and their advice is excellent.
02-17-2015 10:39 PM
On 2/17/2015 Poodlepet2 said: I sincerely want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to respond and sharing your insights and knowledge. I played with the idea that I am going through PTSD-even though there is a great deal that I don't remember. Moonchilde, I will look up the site you gave, and I think I want to pursue some counseling. I hate to say this, but As happy as I was to be released to home, I was upset that it was decided I was "too strong" for rehab. BTW, I did have some intensive PT while I was in the hospital. My first day on the floor, I could barely walk 10 ft. With a walker and assistance. Four days later, I was still weak, but I was able to walk(with a walker) a pretty good distance....but I really wanted to go to rehab more than anything to discuss my experience with others who have had similar experiences. I have to say I was very happy with Home care and PT- and I know many people have had bad experiences.### Libbylady, I could have written exactly what you wrote: on my bad days, I feel as if I am "yesterday's news"....and LoriMI, I do give thanks to our Creator everyday: I have to take this as a sign that my walk on earth is not done, and I must be here for a reason. Each day I remind myself of that-even in my comments of unexplained sadness. That being said, once again, I thank each and everybody for taking the time to respond: your words have taken away that feeling of isolation, and it's very comforting to know that what I am experiencing is not unusual. It's a huge relief! Thanks and hugs, Poodlepet2
Poodlepet2: I am so glad that you feel less isolated and have found some comfort from sharing your feelings and experience. I just would like to share that I am a psychotherapist and commend you for being open to the idea of counseling. I wish you the very best and hope if you are able to see a therapist that he/she can help you to process this very traumatic experience. Continued positive thoughts coming your way for your whole healing!
02-17-2015 11:10 PM
Dear Poodlepet,
Sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like you are on the way to healing. You are remembering you don't remember. That's a good sign. Healing will take a while. Trust God and know that you will get better and your wellness will return. The emotional trauma is taking hold right now but this to shall pass. The fact that you came here to talk about it and wrote so eloquently shows you are maybe doing better than you think. Even the very young and healthy are wiped out quickly with a major health problem.
Lilias, Yoga and You has some wonderful relaxation tapes that will help you focus on positive mind and body healing.
Prayers for a smooth recovery.
02-17-2015 11:14 PM
Oh, poodlepet! We DO know what you are experiencing and believe me, your feelings are "normal" and very real.
Last September after a few weeks of tests I was hospitalized for dehydration, elevated calcium levels and issues with my parathyroid gland. The 2nd day of hospitalization I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. (My 86 year old dad has it as well). When I was released, I knew I should be on my hands and arthritic knees thanking God. (I had an arthroscopy in June that was not healing well). I cried constantly. I'm over it now. I don't know how but I believe it was because I knew we were leaving to return to Az. for the winter and I had things to do.
Now...DH! He had the function of one kidney. He had an extensive history which I will not go into. He was on dialysis as the one kidney was failing to the point he had 3 days a week for 5 hours. Normally, it's a 3 hour session. He was on a transplant list at Northwestern and in their infinite wisdom they felt since his kidneys were not functioning, they should be removed. This was 11/11/05. On 12/23/05 he became hypoxic, disoriented to the point I had to call 911. He was put on a ventilator, the hospital chaplain came in to talk to me and his siblings telling us they did not think he would make it 24 hours. He had developed bilateral lung abscesses causing the infected fluid to infiltrate his body.
He was removed from the ventilator after 5 days. He saw things that to this day he cannot explain. He was really scared about the hallucinations he experienced. When the Pulmonologist extubated him. He explained this to her. She told us that the memory is your brains hard drive and sometimes things gets erased from the hard drive. To this day, he has significant short term memory loss. He was an altar boy and can recite the entire mass in Latin but he gets discombobulated driving to the mall. For me, it's scary!
Then a few years ago while driving home to Il., he had a TIA. Was there any correlation? We don't know and the doctors cannot answer either.
Anyway...back to you. My dear, what you are experiencing is completely normal. If you feel you need to seek counseling, do so. I do believe, you will make a full recovery.
I am glad that physically you are feeling better.
02-18-2015 12:02 AM
Poodlepet,
I have been seriously ill and in ICU a few times. IMO, your response is normal, or maybe I should say, I was there, too
I remember my daughter handing me a bunch of different pills and explaining what I took and when. I got very upset and felt like I couldn't follow her and I would never remember.
I also felt like I could no longer rely on myself.
You get better, honestly. Give yourself time, take care of that part of you that has gone through something scary and lived to tell about it. Nature yourself as you would someone you love.
I wish you the best, remember... you need time.
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