Wellness

[rac71]

It is possible your unconscious mind is trying to help your conscious mind deal with the ordeal. My mother had no memory of any of her time in the CCU or in the ICU until, she was brought out of induced sedation last month. Her memory loss was retroactive and included at least a day before her heart attack. Afterwards, even in the PCCU she experienced confusion over where she was, what was going on, and had no concept of days or months. She had hallucinations, and thought she'd been in a spa. It's normal. Eventually we would have told her everything that had occurred, to prepare her for the extent of her scars. All she knew was she'd had a heart attack and a stent. Unfortunately, my mother had a fatal setback so we will never know what the lasting effects would have been, but I expect she would have experienced some of the same confusion. If it becomes too frightening, you may want to consult a mental health professional. I am occasionaly checking in with one of my best friends, in his professional capacity to help me cope with my trauma from her loss. And I am a childhood PTSD-Delayed survivor. It is manageable. You may still be too raw.

[mewsmomtoo]

Hi Poodlepet, I see that several other people had the same thought that I didTSD. You went through a very traumatic experience and it would be unusual if you didn't experience some emotional upset beyond all the physical traumas. I hope you are feeling better soon

[turtle52]

I know that you are scared and upset but I have to say that your writing is very clear and your thoughts are very well organized. You probably are doing better than you think!

[Sweetbay magnolia]

Poodlepet, keep writing. You have a connection here.

[clista]

I have had 3 back surgeries, spent an entire summer in the hospital and am in constant pain. I recently had congestive heart failure and a-fib. Yes you can get depressed , I choose not to. I have had other surgeries also due to arthritis. There are a lot of things I can't do, but I have someone to clean my house and someone to do my yard work. I don't like it this way, but I try to make the best of it. I have to take narcotic pain meds. I think there are a lot of people who are in worse condition than I am. I thank God for my good doctors and the people who took care of me in the hospital. I thank God for my wonderful family. When I overdo and my heart does it's little dance, I tell myself to settle down.

[violann]

Blessings and positive thoughts being sent to you. Stressing yourself to "try" to remember something will probably be harder, so as often as you can, just let your thoughts "swim" until a specific name or answer or thought comes to you. Your description of your experiences, while harrowing, is also powerful and beautiful. Keep journaling! Another thought- start learning slow, relaxed breathing. It's both a simple meditation and good for physical relaxation. There are apps and websites that can help you get started. Please continue to keep us informed!

[qualitygal]

This is just by the seat of my pants guess: your body went through a rough physical transition. Until you have built yourself back up and you're back on your feet wholly, I think you might feel a bit off. I'm sorry you had to go through all that and I am glad you are back home. I think our own surroundings are more comforting. I guess I'd say, do continue to try to be patient since you're body is mending. Rest while you can. I don't think you have any clocks to punch and yes, talking to your doctor I hope helps. Patience. Glad you're getting better a bit at a time. Good luck to you, sounds like help coming in and the alert necklace or bracelet you have is a great idea. Good luck!

[Libbylady]

Poodlepet, good for you for posting about your situation! I hope that you will feel stronger knowing what you are feeling is common.

I spent 10 days in ICU with a torn shoulder, perforated ulcer and collapsed lung as a result of the fall. I didn't even know I had an ulcer until this happend. I don't remember much about the first several days. What I do recall were just bits and pieces, a few visits from friends, and sponge baths where I'm sure the foom doors were wide open!

The relief I felt upon being released lasted only about a week. Friends brought food and gifts and flowers. About the time that the flowers died I realized that I was "old news" to friends & family, and the rest would be up to me. DH had to return to a full day of work and I was expected to return to the laundry, cat litter, and dusting of every day life. I looked forward to PT because I felt "cared for" there.

I was aware that I was depressed and I just didn't know what to do to get my mo-jo back. Everything I tried was physically exausting, even lunching with a friend.

After 6 months of this depression I couldn't stand myself and I went to a counselor who I had seen 20 years before when my mom died. She had great common sense and gave me a plan to follow.

One of the things that was critical for me was to give myself a daily challenge. For example, cleaning one drawer, hemming a skirt, cooking something I've never made, walking an extra block, and in my case, doing more paintings.

At first it seemed kind of silly, but many projects took all my daily energy. I kept a journal of activity and reported back to the counselor every 2 weeks.

At the end of about 6 months I had returned to my regular activities and that cloud of fog had lifted. Maybe time alone would have accomplished it, but I am a "planner" and I needed direction to get back to normal.

A counselor or life coach can really help define your issues. A doctor can check your meds and prescribe anti-depressants if necessary. Don't try to fight this alone when help is out there to short-cut the process. Keep your eye on the prize of returning to normal.... it will happen! Be patient with yourself, and good luck!

[LilacTree]

I am surprised that your doctors did not warn you that symptoms like you are suffering are very common after the severity of what you have been through. It is physical trauma and mental/emotional trauma that your body and mind are trying to recover from.

I am surprised that they released you directly to your home without any PT or rehab. I think that would have been very helpful, kinda like an interim recovery room where you could progress more slowly. I have had both PT and rehab in a facility and at home, and there is no comparison . . . the facility brings one a sense of safety that going directly home does not. At least it did for me. And the women who came to my home left a lot to be desired. Most of them hated their jobs, and the last three actually told me they were quitting or that my visit was their last day. I don't know if you had a better experience with the PTs who came to your home . . . I hope you did.

I have a sense that you are going to be fine. Coming so close to death cannot be easy to handle and it seems it happened to you several times. Are you still on meds? Did they prescribe any anti-anxiety meds you can take short term? Sometimes they can be very helpful.

My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. Be patient and calm, take your time. I hope your family is visiting often. Having them around can be so therapeutic. Many here seem to have gone through something similar and their advice is excellent.

[whitelinen]

Propofol (Diprivan) is an amnesiac and of course causes memory loss. I don't think anyone wants to remember being intubated and ventilated so it serves a good purpose.

Intensivists also use Versed and Fentanyl for intubation/ventilation, also causes memory loss.

Several patients who have come back to see us after recovery have mentioned having memory problems. Long term results are probably specific to the patient but please know this is a normal result of the meds.

Your physician will be able to tell you more specifics about your outcome. God bless you, so happy to hear you are making a full recovery!