Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,171
Registered: ‎03-09-2010
I have been thinking about writing this for a while. As some of you know I have an immune deficiency, my body does not make enough antibodies to fight diseases, I supplement my system weekly with Gamma Globulin Infusions, I have been doing this since May 2020.
I have been vaxed and boosted but I still shut myself off from the world. I can not even see my brother for Thankgiving.
I broken my hip 13 months ago and I am still in pain.
These days I do very little, I am sad and have no energy.
I speak to a therapist weekly but it takes time.
I do have a wonderful husband and would be lost without him
I miss the old Ellen and not sure if she will ever be the same
Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,672
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@I am still oxox  Just lately I have had a sense of being by myself too often.  I have no disease preventing me from venturing out - just my own reasons for limiting where I go.  Most of the time, I'm okay with my choice, but for a reason I have not uncovered yet, I have felt more lonely than alone the past few days and I don't like that feeling.  Wonder if it's the upcoming holidays?  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,873
Registered: ‎05-15-2014

I am sorry for your poor health @I am still oxox .  I wish you the best and hope you can find at least some joy this coming holiday season.   It's good that you are seeking help with a therapist.   Sometimes things are not as sad as they seem to be, it's just our perception of it all.  Blessings to you and @millieshops .

Regular Contributor
Posts: 165
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Ellen, my heart goes out to you. The pandemic has taken a toll on all but the staunchest. And it is also the time where many suffer from seasonal depression.


I gently say that sometimes we must fight to be more positive, to be happier. Please consider trying. We cannot control everything but can control some things. Schedule zoom calls with friends, if you can't keep in touch in person, there are other ways including phone calls!!


See if there are any virtual support groups you can join. Fight to get connected, not to be isolated. That just makes things more difficult.


You have your husband who sounds like a blessing and much to be grateful for. 


Finally, pray. Ask for guidance, for support, for strength.


God bless you.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 955
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@I am still oxox 

     I am not as severely immune deficient as you.  But I have been ill since 2011.  Interestingly, my sister also is ill.  I limit my interactions to doctors and to my 95 year old mother.  I have the vaccine and my booster as do my sister and mother.  We have not seen the younger members of the family in about 19 months.  It is hard to be alone.  (We are hoping to get together in about two weeks--the children will have their first shots this week--because we wonder how much time mom will be with us.)

    I have found that emailing my few family members and one friend have kept me from feeling and being totally "alone."  And I adopted an older cat when my sweet long- haired boy died in April. So sometimes I lessen the silence in my home by talking to my furry new companion. Covid has left some ill, many afraid, and even more of us forgotten.  It is a shame.  
    Will you ever be the same? Maybe not, but I prefer to believe that many of us will be better.  Therapy's a good thing.  So is interacting with people here.  And taking your tomorrows one day at a time may, I hope, lead you to a peaceful future.  Hang in there.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 165
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

milleshops, seasonal depression is very real.  Seek out friends and family for comfort and reassurance. The best of luck.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,402
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@I am still oxox ---I am very sorry for all you are going thru--and with your maladies and the way things are with this virus. I understand feeling isolated----wish I had a magic wand to whisk all of it away--- won't try to advise you, as people who do, make it sound so easy and belittling--none of your issues are. Glad you are doing therapy and yes that takes time---thank god you have hubby---- I guess I would say---  take on one thing at a time, day by day---I know for a fact that being in constant pain makes EVERYTHING 10x worse. The one thing I am wondering about---can you write in a  journal everyday, how you are doing and what your are thinking/feeling---maybe that will help alleviate some stress----what would the "old" Ellen do?

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,460
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I know the feeling, and with the holidays another alone, but in a way it,s a blessing.  Last year I zoomed with the people I like to be around, but in another state.

I was invited to son,s home for Thanksgiving, but he and my other son not vaccinated,  the 12 gr. Old not vaccinated.  My DIL,S both vaccinated, but we have nothing in common.  My grandson, not vaccinated.  

I have had my booster vaccination,  but don,t really want to take a chance and rather stay home in peace.

Going to stuff a Cornish hen with all the trimmings for me and I decorate every holiday for me, to  lift my spirits.

You can,t give up.  Make happiness for you.  

I go out to stores, but can,t afford prices and except for food, don,t need clothes or stuff.  Trying to get rid of stuff. 

It,s crazy out on the highways with the lunitics driving, so it,s peaceful at home.  I have taken up learning sign language, play games on computer, zoom, and read.  I also do my couple hours exercise a day, or gardening and keep house clean.  Have gotten into cooking a couple of times a week. New receipes.

I keep busy.  I am fortunate not to be in serious pain.

Do what you can to stay happy.  No one can do it for you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,878
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@qvcaddition  Your positive actions are a healthy way to enhance your daily life.  Good for you!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,651
Registered: ‎05-02-2017



I am so sorry to hear that you feel poorly both emotionally and physically.


These past two years have been a rough ride for the majority in the world, and returning to "normal" does not yet seem to be on the horizon.


Thus we are required to have a lot of patience and time at home.

We also need to support our own healing, and practice self-care so we can look out for others.


However, the advantage in our country and in our time period is that we have so many electronic devices and the ability to connect anywhere and any time, even if not in person.


Make a list of things to do just for yourself!  Discover novels to read, binge watch a few television shows,  join some online travel forums and explore the world, learn how to paint or sew or needlepoint, research family history, make scrapbooks of your favorite memories, create a collection of favorite music, play dress-up with clothes in the closet.


I live a bit far away from family and rarely spend Thanksgiving with them, so we always enjoy the Christmas and New Year's holidays, and try to make them extra-special.


You also need to celebrate your marriage and plan special occasions just for the two of you (order a fancy dinner to eat-in, watch family videos together, etc.).


It is good that you are receiving therapy, but please know none of us can ever go back to the former person we were--we are constantly evolving, and changing, and growing, and learning how to incorporate new experiences (whether good or bad). 


Life is too short to not make every moment the best it can be.