Wellness

[jlkz]

@Desertdi 

My parents never complimented me despite bringing home all kinds of awards, 12 years of being first in my class, placing in the Nationals my first year giving dramatic speeches in peer contests.

Found all the gifts I gave my mother still in their boxes in her closet when it was time for me to sell my parent's home.  So, when my mom got to the point that she didn't know who I was.....just someone who came to the memory care place every day...she took to calling me Lovely Lady.

Then on Fall evening as she was sitting with her "friends" by the nurses' station, she saw me walking up the corridor and called out: " Don't you look really nice tonight. "

I still have the printed silky slacks I had on that night hanging on the back of my closet door....almost 10-12 years later !  ( No they haven't fit in a long time, lol. )

[Desertdi]

@jlkz 

Maybe you and I are related.

My mother came to live with me.    She told the neighbors that she HAD to take care of ME...because I was "mentally deficient".

I also worked the overnight shift in a resort office, so I could take care of her during the day.   She told the neighbors that I was a HOOKER.

I have upper respiratory allergies, and take antihistamines to control my sneezing.    She told the whole family that I was a DRUG ADDICT.

I don't know how many times she called Social Services to have me "committed" because I was INSANE.    

She swallowed a whole bottle of laxatives (because she thought they were candy)  and began choking.    I called 911 for assistance, and she told the firemen that I was TRYING TO KILL HER.  (They said they hear that story all the time.)

And...she bought everything the telemarketers were selling....

I honestly don't know how I survived all that.     di

[Hoovermom]

My hat is off to everyone of you who have taken care of your aging parents.  I understand all of your concerns and frustrations as I have gone through similar situations with them.  It's easy to sit on the sidelines and offer suggestions for these caregivers when you have never experienced it.    

[sydsgma1]

I am on the other side of needing help. I moved from a place I loved to a cold climate to be close to one f my children. I am mentally ok but my body is showing the effects of rheumatoid arthritis since I was 20.

i have plans in place so that my children will not have to care for me. The place I live is a mutitiered facility. I currently am n a large 2 bedroom apartment in independent living. If and when I need more care, I have long term care insurance.

I know a lot of the elders I know, have no planS and refuse to talk about it.

i have chosen to be the wise matriarch of my family. 🦋🦋

[jlkz]

@Desertdi 

Could be related !!!

Yep, I ran the medium scale computer center for the Accounting department of a major communications corporation.  Went for my MA in Languages in the daytime.

Your " hooker " comment got me to laughing as I recalled living in a WASP neighbor across the street from a major WASP college and working the midnight shift.  Most of the residents in the apartment building worked at clipping the ancient " coupons " from stocks as their income.  DH and I were the youngest and we alone worked.

He went to law school in the daytime and for a while he worked the evening shift as well.  Then I got transferred to midnight as " punishment " for raising an ethics question that was overheard by the AVP whose office was close to my desk...

My car was usually parked in the front of the building.  So I had to leave about 11:45 PM to get to my shift.  Yes, they all thought I was a hooker who strolled back in in the AM !

One of my younger sisters loved to tell her service clients how mean I was to my mother.  I happened to walk into the shop after overhearing her describe my behavior.  Confronting her and her client, I laid out the simple truth, turned, and left the shop.

I learned early on that friends are God's gift to make up for mean-spirited family members.  My prayer is simple: Help me say and do what needs to be said and done.  At 80, it has served me well.

Wish I could reach out and give you a {{{hug}}} to make up for all the miserable things you lived through !  But, you survived !!!

[Desertdi]

@jlkz 

Thank you!    Now, I don't feel like the "lone ranger".

My mother (once in her lifetime) told me I "looked nice, Betty".    I have NO IDEA who Betty is...     di

[gidgetgh]

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@Travone wrote:

I feel sorry for her.   I know I will be alone as I don't have children.   But she is all alone and has children. 

Was it not possible for her to live in an apartment close to you when you moved.?

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@Travone - I will be alone also.  Husband is deceased and I have no children. I try not to dwell on it, but when the thoughts do sneak in, it concerns me.  I sometimes wonder what will happen to me. 

[pieman12]

So agree with you. I hope one day she is treated in the same manner.

I wish I could give you a thousand hearts!

[RedTop]

@KittySoftPaws 

As a caregiver to my mother thru 13 long, hard years with vascular dementia, I truly understand your post.  I sincerely hope this fall results in placement of your MIL in the 24/7 care situation best suited for her needs.  Mom wanted to remain in her home till the end, and my brothers and I did everything we could to keep her there.  In Moms situation, it wasn't a fall that took her out of the home, it was the first clear episode of wandering that made us realize she needed eyes on her 24/7.   

I think life alert devices are great as long as the person is mentally alert enough to activate it when needed.  For the last 6+ years, my mother was not one of those people; she would've been another elderly person found on the floor with the device around her neck and never once would have thought to push the button!

All of my family members who lived into their 80's, proved they were not truly capable of living alone and caring for themselves.  Even if they were somewhat mobile, their thought processes and reaction times were slow, there were dexterity issues with their hands which resulted in problems feeding themselves, taking medication, writing checks to pay bills, forgetfulness and misplacing things in the house, hearing and sight issues, being unable to tell when milk or food had spoiled, issues with bathing, dressing and toileting that were often unnoticed until it became an embarrassing issue, and losing awareness of maintenance issues with their home.  I've had firsthand experience with these aging/declining issues in my loved ones from the age of 12; lost Mom in January, and my disabled husband is declining from multiple health issues.  

I see between the lines in these types of posts and know how hard it is to be a hands on caregiver.  I am sorry your marriage has been affected and wish you the best.  

[conlt]

I feel differently and could never close my eyes and leave my mom to herself. My mother died 5 years ago and was a competent woman, but started to decline mentally and physically. The last year of her life, she fell 9 times. I had home health aides with her in and out. My brothers and I were taking turns staying the night. She spent her last few months in an assisted living. Sometimes we have to help them make choices that are the best for their safety. Safety Judgement starts to falter as we age. 

I am a RN and have taken care of seniors my entire career. I am a senior now too. 

I would recommend that she go from the hospital to a rehabilitation, then to an assisted living again. 

It sounds like she needs supervision and safety. She will also need home health, probably nursing, physical therapy, and maybe occupational therapy. 

Falls are the beginning of the end for our seniors. 

I hope someone helps me if I ever need it.