Wellness

[KittySoftPaws]

My husband and I received a call this moring from EMT's that were at my MIL's apartment. She is 87 and in a power chair and in poor health. She has several caretakers that come and go through the day, but none that stay the night. She has many health isssues. She has a life alert, but for whatever reason, she did not use it, or was not able, when she fell last night and remained on the floor all night until they had to break down the door this morning to get in. The last time this happened a few months ago, it was during the day and she was not down for long. We had cared for her in her home for the last 4 years until it was time for us to get on with our lives. During the time we were ready to move, she had been in an assisted living facility for 6 months that she chose, and decided that she wanted to live in an apartment instead. So we moved her in, fixed up her huge home, had several estate sales etc., sold her home, and moved ourselved to another state. Very hard time. The ER Nurse this morning told us she was being taken to the Hospital, and that's all we know. I feel bad for her, but believe in the philosophy of "live and let live" meaning if you can make decisions and choices for yourself, you have that right and should do so. The real shame is she has two other children that are in nearby adjoining states much closer than we are, but have refused to help her in any way the last 4+ years. 

[Bonkers1]

I appreciate your philosophy but she will always be on your mind no matter where you live.  Also I appreciate the fact she can choose where to live.  As far as the other family members are concerned you just have to write them off.

[ID2]

OP, I just don't understsand your statement that you stayed with your MIL for 4 years the "you had to get on with your life". Um sorry to hear you feel that way. When I was caregiving my dad in his last years, my life came to a halt. It was all bout him. It wasn't until he passed away that we retired, sold our house and moved. 

[santorini]

I'm glad we're not related. 

[KittySoftPaws]

@ID2  You and I will both agree, you do not understand why I said what I said. There is always more to the story and I don't need, or wish to go into it. Don't make assumptions based on your experiences alone, everyone's circumstances are different. We sacrificed many things and were taken advantage of and treated very badly. So don't play the guilt trip card with me.

[KittySoftPaws]

@santorini  Ignorant comment. 

[chrystaltree]

I understand the temptation to criticize her other out of state children but you should refrain from doing that.  Living in an adjoining state would not help the woman in situation like this.  The other siblings, like you, are too far away.  Your MIL's situation is becoming more common now that people are living longer and with families being scattered all over the country.  It sounds like you did all that you could possibly do to make your MIL safe and comfortable.  She has the services she needs to "age at home" but she is extremely elderly and disabled so there's going to be some risk.  She does have the right to make her own decisions .  My sister is disabled and she is in a situation like this.  She's in her own apartment but she has a visiting nurse every week, a home health aide and homemaker to shop, do laundry and clean.  Hey bff visits weekly.   So 2 to 3 people in every day on weekdays.  Someone from the family visits on the weekend.  But with all that, she was alone at night when she had a heart attack.  She does wear a medical alert device.   And once she fell off the toilet in the middle of the night and needed the paramedics to help her up.  She qualifies for a nursing home but she doesn't want that.  She does not need that.  So we all do the best we can do, knowing there are some "holes" in the plan.  She's in the hospital now receiving care and treatment.  Just stay in contact with the hospital and with her.  You have no reason to feel guilty.  You have been very good to her.

[Travone]

I feel sorry for her.   I know I will be alone as I don't have children.   But she is all alone and has children. 

Was it not possible for her to live in an apartment close to you when you moved.?

[shy bobcat]

I hope your MIL is okay @KittySoftPaws This is a difficult circumstance to be in. I hope her other children see the need and step up to help where and when needed. You have been so helpful in fulfilling her wishes. Take care!

[santorini]

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@KittySoftPaws wrote:

@santorini  Ignorant comment. 

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Really? It's an accurate comment. Further proves my point.