Wellness

[adoreqvc]

Good Morning Ladies,

Rise and shine sunshine&rainbows, and Apple Head.

We have our delayed grief thread still here, and for that I wish to again thank the QVC Team.

Now for the sad news.

Not all the  posts were included, and that is sad because we added information and opinions to try and help each other, in yesterdays posts and replies, but now those posts are still missing in action. 

All is not lost though because we have choices and can just continue with new posts which I hope will now stay displayed in their entirety.

I hope to see each of you, and anyone else needing some special grief comfort today.

See you both later, and my blessings are included.

[sunshine&rainbows]

Good morning my Christian Sisters, Dear Adore (Amore) I think of that when I see you because of your loving nature a true blessing that's you! I am so glad the last two days I read the forum before we lost the post and I copied the poems and wrote down all books to load up on my kindle. What worries me is you feel you have no closure what I read I feel that you did with your mother, I will pray that you see that in your heart. I am so sorry about your husband that closure will be given in prayers. I never say the word goodbye I always say see you later. "My Morning  Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father who dwells up above, I thank you so much for Your Eternal Love. From sun up to sun down please show me the way, to Bless those that need it on this special day. Watch over my family and all my friends too, protect them and Bless them in all that they do. Please lead me this day as my Heavenly Guide, there's no task that's too great... When You're by my side. "by John Trapani" I will go out and take a walk and do some laundry, because I might just island hop over to Maui tomorrow to see my sister who is visiting from Alaska I found I was one of seven sisters I was adopted and taken away right after I was born. Take care of your self so you can take care of others. Later... 

[adoreqvc]

My Dear Sunshine&Rainbows,

What a lovely reply you wrote, and I greatly appreciate all your words.

I hope you do venture out and visit with your Sister today, because she is precious and there is a great deal of distance between you, so you both do not have that much opportunity to visit very often.

Please do keep in touch, and I will too.

I will also always check back often when I am home based, since my husband and I do travel quite often, but I post here each time I return home.    

Enjoy yourselves today and everyday, and know we are all loved by God and his flock, and will continue to make new friends and revisit former ones here on the QVC delayed grief thread.

God Bless, and stay safe.

[sunshine&rainbows]

Dear Adore, My heart is racing I have not see my sister in about 3 yrs I have a fear of flying. I lost my husbands gradmother, my autie, my brother in-law my dear mother and than my mother in-law and my moms brother, my uncle my nephew all within the last year. When I got home last june I found out my job said I left without permission and I lost my job. I have been staying at home since then except for bereavement group(stopped going to hard just cried buckets) dentist doctor appts. I have to tell you I am so depressed and was waiting... (thus the poem) I am making myself do this! Please pray for me.  I feel ashamed of myself for letting my self get this way... I am scared. I will check in also and I hope and pray no one is like me so far down... Its hard to get backup

[adoreqvc]

Just place one foot in front of the other and keep repeating GOD loves me and many others do too, AND I CAN DO THIS.

Keep repeating that and place yourself in the Lord's hands. 

"We must not allow our fears, or having lost our loved ones to stop us from living". Life goes on and we must too.

Just take your prescription meds with you, and I hope you also have a Physician's letter on their letterhead also signed and dated stating the meds you are taking, if not do get one when you can.

Make sure your pres. meds are in their original pharmacy vials with the imprinted label which is dated, has your name & address, and doctor's name and prescription pharmacy information also printed on.

Now again repeat after me sunshine&rainbows..... GOD LOVES ME AND WILL PROTECT ME, AND I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Now move your feet and go visit your sister, and reply when you can, and I also enclose hugs and prayers for your safe arrival there,  a very happy visit with your SIster, and your safe returns to both of your homes.

Remember my friend repeat this again and again..... "GOD LOVES AND WILL PROTECT ME AND I CAN DO THIS,..... I CAN DO THIS,...... I CAN DO THIS.....and you will do it!!!!!!

[sunshine&rainbows]

Adore and others, Mahalo to you. My apologies for being so selfish. I know there are so many out there in need of prayer. I hope and pray that you can learn to live with your grief, I am learning that myself right now. I am forever changed, it is terrible tragedy when we lose a loved one, especially if you live so faraway from them, I will keep you all in my prayers as I take one foot forward and pray others can also take that first step to healing.We have our memories good and bad. Gods Blessing to you.

[adoreqvc]

Dear sunshine&rainbows you are not selfish so please do not say that!

If you say it again I will have to get out my trusty wet noodle, and give you 20 lashes.

From my intense large family losses I offer my experience of what I endured and yours is probably similar.

This is what I learned....
At times in our lives we will falter and stumble into a very dark place.

A frightfully dark black place where the sun may shine outside but we never see it or feel its comforting warmth on our face, and the beauty from the Earth we love also temporarily vanishes from sight.

We only feel very intense grief, anguish, torment, and heart stabbing pain.

While in that dark place we shed so many tears of anguished pain which race from our eyes like an angry tsunami.

Each tidal wave slams against us and continues with a vengance non stop which robs us of our ability to breathe.

Time and again we gasp and struggle for air....in between our body is wracked with pain, and our ribs feel shattered and broken as does our heart and inner soul, and for me that continual pain turned into prayers of wishing to just die dying to end it all, and rejoin them all again. 

So intense was my grief when I lost my entire family, and U.S. relatives that I welcomed this dark black pit of continual despair and torment.

Unfortunately we all experience this very pain racking phenomena, especially when we lose a person we so deeply loved, but in that dark place I found day turned into night all the time, and I wished to die especially when the last 2 of my relatives both died unexpectedly 2 weeks apart.....(My beloved Husband, and my Mother).

That really threw me over the edge into what I felt was the dark lifeless pit of never ending grief and torment. It was the dark pit we all temporarily enter when we lose those we love.

My husband of 45+ years was my best friend, my person of strength and wisdom, and I always felt so protected in his strong arms. The mischevious twinkle in his eyes, and his welcoming smile always brightened my world.

When he died in a fatal car accident I wanted to end it all sunshine&rainbows, and the only thing which kept me going was my beloved elderly Mother, in a nursing home who depended on us and had no idea my husband died, as I never told her.

She always waited for our visits and Greek foods we would bring since they were her favorites. We alwasy called to reassure her we were fine and coming to see her. We also sent her gifts and hear felt cards which she so treasured and she always blessed us for caring for her thoughout our marriage and at a time when we were all she had left of her very large family.

After my husband was killed my Mom asked why he did not come to see her or call, and since we had a business where we both travelled I told her he was away for a while and quite busy, and thankfully she accepted that.

Hiding my grief was not easy but I did hide it for her sake, because she also loved him so and always said he was the best son in law on God's green earth, and she was so blessed we had him to protect and love us in life.

When she unexpectedly died exactly 2 weeks later after my husband was killed, my heart shattered, and my soul wailed in unbelievable dual grief.

My mind and body shut down, and I became lost in total isolation.

I pulled all shades down and stopped speaking to everyone after I informed many that my Husband and Mom both unexpectedly died.

I told them there would be no servies or memorials and they would each be cremated and ashes returned to me.

I also said I was fine, but wished to be alone, and if I needed anything I would call them, and to please respect my wishes of not communicating for the time being.

Everything relative to executing their final wishes was done by telephone and mail.

sunshine&rainbows it was a long dark journey of forced isolation for me, and then I reached out here of all places and posted my 2 losses a while after I lost them both.

That is when I still grieved so much that I still had no will to go on....but others also replied and gave me hope and words of comfort and understanding,  so we kept posting.

There were many times long stretches would go by and I would not turn the pc on at all, and just wail all alone in my intense grief.

About one month afterwards I believe the delayed grief thread surfaced, and I answered it and was the first post to reply to rav girl the OP sharing Elizabeth Kubler Ross' and her 5 stages of grief.

That thread grew immensely, and I made so many new wonderful QVC friends who also contributed a lot.

We all felt like a big sisterhood and brotherhood of people who gathered in the same place on QVC to share our pain, grief,losses and personal experiences. 

I hung in there and it took me a few years to get my bearings again, but I finally did with each baby step I ventured out more and more until I knew I must continue to live for all of them, as that is what they would have wished for me.

"I also knew due to religious beliefs if I intentionally ended my life we would never be reunited in Heaven, because only God gives life, and only he can decide when it is time to call us home".

I also know God works his magic many times in very mysterious ways, but he hears every prayer and is everywhere, for all of us.

sunshine&rainbows we eventually all learn to accept our losses and grief, and even still grieving inside our shattered heart and soul begins to understand that we have no right to ask why....because only God knows those answers.

I hope this poem below helps you now, because it is my favorite, and always helped me get through each loss which left me an orphan, all by myself alone on Earth for quite a long while....

"There's A Reason"

For every pain that we must bear,
For every burden, every care -
There's a reason

For every grief that bows the knee,
For every tear-drop that is shed -
There's a reason

For every hurt, for every plight,
For every lonely, pain-racked night -
There's a reason

But if we trust God as we should,
All this must work out for our good.

He knows the reason.

sunshine&rainbows please remember when we lose a loved one that person becomes a treasured memory to live on in our hearts, souls and minds for as long as we grace God's green Earth.

There is no death and end to our existence, there is only another doorway which  our spirit passes through, into the realm of Gods loving warm intense bright light of absolute love, immense wisdom and intense joy, also filled with wonders not imaginable here on his green Earth, but also filled with all those we loved in life who have been waiting for us to join them.

Our gift if we believe in Christ and accept him again as our Savior is his promise that we shall all gain entrance into his Father's Heavenly Mansions, where we will find and reunite with everyone and every earthly creature we ever loved, as well as meet all our ancestors who passed long before we were born.

They all await us, and that joyous miraculous reunion is an eternal gift and blessing, which spans and breaks the barriers of Father TIme, transending into everlasting life, amongst all those Holy, and all our loved ones awaiting our arrival.

I revel at the wonder of it all sunshine&rainbows, and pray knowing this helps us all live life on Earth and eventually learn to accept our losses and pain, with understanding, acceptance, hope, and grace.

One tiny baby step is all it takes my friend, and if you need a helping hand I am extending mine through cyber space, so don't be shy....Take hold and never fear because God is with us always, everywhere on Earth.

That is what also comforts me during my moments of sadness and grief which I believe will be with me until I also join my loved ones. Grief never ceases, time just helps ease the pain a bit, so we can continue to function on Earth.

I hope you feel better now sunshine&rainbows, because I do.

God Bless you sunshine&rainbows, and I pray you can sleep easier tonight knowing God loves you, and many others do too.

Pleasant sweet dreams my friend, and may the God's precious Angels watch over you in your slumber.

[adoreqvc]

To those who seek answers about grief please read this information I just located and posted below.

It certainly made sense for me and what I experienced, and still experience, and I hope everyone who has lost a loved one can also benefit from its wisdom as I did.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-devine/

The 5 Stages of Grief and Other Lies That Don't Help Anyone

Posted: 12/11/2013 8:21 am EST Updated: 02/10/2014 5:59 am 

The stages of grief were developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross over 30 years ago, as she listened to and observed people living with terminal diagnoses. Since the publication of her book On Death and Dying, the "stages of grief," as they are known, have become the gauge by which all grief is measured. What began as a way to understand the emotions of the dying became a way to strategize grief: The griever is expected to move through a series of clearly delineated stages, eventually arriving at "acceptance," at which time their "grief work" is complete.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

I bet you know what the stages are, even if you don't think of yourself as much of a psychology-type person.

The stages are taught in introductory college courses, and were taught back when I was in hospice training. The stages are taught in grief and loss workshops. They come up in pop psychology and in clinical, scientific studies. The stages of grief are everywhere.

This means that many people, even professional psychologists, believe there is a right way and a wrong way to grieve, that there is an orderly and predictable pattern that everyone will go through, and if you don't progress correctly, you are failing at grief. You must move through these stages completely, or you will never heal.

This is a lie.

Death and its aftermath is such a painful and disorienting time. I understand why people -- both the griever and those witnessing grief -- want some kind of road map, a clearly delineated set of steps or stages that will guarantee a successful end to the pain of grief.

The truth is, grief is as individual as love: every life, every path, is unique. There is no predictable pattern, and no linear progression. Despite what many "experts" say, there are no stages of grief.

In her later years, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote that she regretted writing the stages the way that she did, that people mistook them as being both linear and universal. Based on what she observed while working with patients given terminal diagnoses, Ms. Ross identified five common experiences, not five required experiences. Her stages, whether applied to the dying or those left living, were meant to normalize and validate what someone might experience in the swirl of insanity that is loss and death and grief.

The stages of grief were not meant to tell you what you feel, what you should feel, and when exactly you should feel it. They were not meant to dictate whether you are doing your grief "correctly" or not.

They were meant to normalize a deeply not-normal time. They were meant to give comfort. Ms. Ross' work was meant as a kindness, not a cage.

No matter how much the woman herself regretted the misuse of her stages, they are firmly embedded in our cultural ideas of the right and wrong ways to grieve.

The stages are used as a corrective reproach, the process of grief turned into a race: Even the stages themselves are not meant to be lingered in.

If someone is identified as being in a stage (especially a messy one, like anger), they need to "get through it" as quickly as possible so they can move on to the end goal of acceptance.

Conversely, whatever stage someone is in, they must stay there until they are done, otherwise their grief work will suffer.

For your sake, and the sake of those around you, you must do your grieving fast, do it correctly, and be done.

Except that this isn't how grief goes.

Grief is the natural response when someone you love is torn from your life. It is a natural process: a process of the heart being smashed and broken open, of reality shifting and hurling in place.

It cares nothing for order or stages.

The truth is, you can't force an order on pain. You can't make it tidy or predictable.

The stages of grief are a net thrown over a fogbank -- they help neither to define nor contain.

To do grief "well" depends solely on individual experience. It means listening to your own reality. It means acknowledging pain and love and loss. It means allowing the truth of these things the space to exist without any artificial tethers or stages or requirements.

There is no set pattern, not for everyone and not even within each person.

Each grief is unique, as each love is unique.

There are no stages capable of containing all the experiences of love and pain.

There are no stages of grief.

If we take away this bedrock, what remains? What do we do without those landmarks?

Here are some things to remember:

• There is no finish line. This is not a race. Grief has its own lifespan, unique to you.

• There is no time when pain and grief are completed; you grieve because you love and love is part of you. Love changes, but does not end.

• What will happen, what can happen, as you allow your grief, is that you will move differently with pain. It shifts and changes: sometimes heavy, sometimes light.

• Anger will happen. So will fear, peace, joy, guilt, confusion, and a range of other things.

You will flash back and forth through many feelings, often several of them at once.

• Sometimes you will be tired of grief. You will turn away. And you'll turn back. And you'll turn away. Grief has a rhythm of its own.

• Grief can be absolutely crazy-making. This does not mean you are crazy.

• There is no way to do grief "wrong." It may be painful, but it is never wrong.

Remember that there is no "closure." Grief is part of love, and love evolves. Even acceptance is not final: It continuously shifts and changes.

The truth is, you will seize up in the face of pain and soften into it, again and again, both things in rapid succession, and both things with silence in between.

You'll find ways to live inside your grief, and in doing so, it will find its own right place.

Your love, and your grief, are bigger than any stage could ever be. The only way to contain it is to let it be free.

As Ms. Ross said in the last days of her life, "I am more than these five stages. And so are you."

This I have never read before, but for me it makes total sense now, and I agree with the author who blessed us with this addiitonal information regarding grief, and its true reality.

Nevertheless I believe Ms. Ross had her heart in the right place when decades ago she posted her original findings and expertise as well as her belief in the 5 stages of grief.

At least she also became aware grief was so much more that 5 stages and grief evolves constantly changing, and realized it stating so publicly, before God called her home.

[adoreqvc]

Everyone is welcome to post here on the delayed grief thread, regardless if they have their own personal religious beliefs or not, or believe in nothing at all.

As we all walk through our Earth's life journey  unfortunately we all sadly at one time or another will indeed encounter losing a friend, a treasured loved one, or a special pet.  

So please come in and post no matter when you experienced your loss, as grief is a continuing cycle which evolves and changes but never fades, as long as we all draw breathe on Earth, and are alive.

When I am not travelling I do check the delayed grief thread quite often, and always try my very best to offer my personal heart felt condolences and replies.

In my absence I am sure one of our other members who are also familiar with our work relative to this delayed grief thread will also check back periodically, and help others by offering them their knowledge and words of comfort.

I was the first one to respond to rav girls delayed grief thread and posted hundreds of replies of different topics all helping others cope, and accepting their help since I too was in deep grief over the dual deaths exactly 2 weeks apart of my beloved Husband of 45 years, who died in a horrific car crash, and my beloved Mother who died in a medical 24/7 monitored care nursing facility. They both died unexpectedly, and I never had closure with either one of them, and that still grieves me. Now my large immediate family has died as well as my U.S. relatives, and for a long time I felt so grief stricken, alone and empty inside. While travelling and grieving I met my current husband and now am blessed to not be all alone and he is a gnetle kind wonderful caring man.

I believe in that saying which is "When one door closes another opens". 

Many QVC members formed a very special bond here, on the delayed grief thread.

Now I still find it close to my heart, and in my own way if I am home and not travelling, I do my best to help and reply to new posts.  

I also try to also offer whatever comfort and knowledge I learned in all my personal numerous grief journeys, in addition to also interfacing with others in real life while having been a Pallative Care Hospice Volunteer to those patients who were entering the final phase of their Earthly lives, as their bodies were begining to actively shut down.

May we all be blessed in knowing we helped others in life. 

May all thosel grieving come here to find some inner strength and peace, and share their experiences as we continue to also share ours.

[Big Sister]

I'm so happy to see this Delayed Grief thread again.   Let's try to keep it going.  It has been two years since my Little Sister died suddenly, and while I am still grieving and missing her every day, the pain has lessened somewhat. 

Please,  everyone who is grieving know that I am thinking of you and hoping your will find peace in time.  It does get better.