Re: Delayed grief....

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Applehead, I'm glad you found this thread. I found yours earlier, and then Adore's. I'm still trying to get around on here sometimes. I'm sorry for your loss of your father too. I hope you'll come back and see Adore, she's sweet and nice and will be a good source for help for you. I wish you both the best, time helps a little each day.

Apple Head · ‎01-31-2015

I'm so sorry I haven't responded yet to your lovely messages. I'm in the middle of filling out some job applications and it takes forever online. Nothing is the same. This job hunting in the 21st century is nuts.

I must go to the store, but will return with my thoughts and replies.

Thank you so much for being there for me and understanding.

adoreqvc · ‎03-09-2010

Dear QualityGal,

Please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your Dear Father.

Please know you will be in my daily prayers, and also please read the entire thread if you have not yet done so......there is a lot of very invaluable and new information posted now, which I know will help all of us who lost those we truly loved.

Above all QualityGal remember you are never alone in this...

Also many thanks and blessings for your kind words to Mistri and myself, and I also hope Mistri replies here as she has stopped posting for a while now, and I pray she and her Mom are coming along. Losing a husband and Father is never easy for anyone.

God Bless.....

adoreqvc · ‎03-09-2010

Thanks for replying Apple Head, and take your time.

I will keep checking back tonight for your reply.

You will always have friends here.

"Remember you are never truly alone because God is always by our side and our loved one who went ahead keep watch over us, so in essence we are really never all alone".

Apple Head · ‎01-31-2015

Spoiler

AdoreQVC,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I appreciate them very much.

I spent a lot ot time today on applications. I have had a few interviews and they went well. The problem is, I have a college degree, but it's not specialized in a certain area, it was in Liberal Arts. I never wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to get married and be a Mom. Well, that didn't happen, so I'm paying for the lack of direction now. I actually didn't find out my true interests until my 30's and 40's.

I do interview very well and always look professional. It's amazing how some people look at interviews. I'm interviewing with mgrs who could be my child. It's a bit intimidating. Although, I don't look my age, it's still awkward.

I'm meeting with a lady with the city who helps people new to the workforce to go over my resume for a particular job with the city that I would love to get. She and I are going to work with how to use the right words to meet the requirements.

I wish I could go to the doctor, but without a job, my insurance is awful. I had to buy the highest deductible ($6500) with no office visits. I have to pay $300 a month. I had the best health insurance for years. If I go to a dr now, I have to pay their office fees which can be up to $150-200 for a single visit. I thought I'd be working by now. I'm sure I'm dealing with depression and going through menopause too. Everything at one time.

I don't mean to complain. I'm thankful for my health and all that God has blessed me with. I just think I'm so exhausted of making major decisions and haven't had a day of just complete relaxation since my Dad got sick.

You're so right about friends who aren't there for you. I can't imagine ignoring someone who is grieving and needs company. It goes against all that I am. But, I've experienced it first hand. I did meet some nice ladies at first in the first grief group I attended, but then they got kind of manipulative and one gal controlled everything when we'd get together and excluded you if you didn't go out with them. It reminded me of high school pranks. This gal needed a lot of attention and seemed to demand it from some of us in the group, very odd. I ended up going to a different location and now met some really mature and nice people who are there to bond, not manipulate. I actually had a man at the original group who wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking me on dates. It got so uncomfortable. I wasn't looking for a hook-up at grief group, but he started acting weird and stopped going to the group.

It's a shame when people don't have sincere motives for being with others who are grieving.

I hope my parents are proud of me. I hope they know how much I love them and miss them. I never meant for my siblings to turn away. I know it must have hurt my Dad to be so sick and my siblings didn't even come in to say good-bye or help in his care. I remember one day on the phone, he pleaded. One sibling "didn't want to see him sick." I think that is a cop out. As a father, he saw her through illness and diapers and all that goes into raising a child. It isn't always pretty and neat. It was so selfish of them to not be there for him. Oh, they would call, but a phone call isn't the loving arms or the hand of someone who is there 24/7 watching out for your needs. I was working at the same time, none of them work anymore. The grief counselor told me that I never got to grieve with others who really knew my parents and it was such a lonely time when I needed support and comfort.

But that is the past. I am glad the toxic relationship I had with them is not in my life. Yet, I went through major financial issues with having to hire a lawyer. It was the scariest time. Then when I lost my job, it was a double whammy.

I try to be brave and move forward. I don't know how to let the fear go. I worry about my life financially. My unemployment runs out in a few months. I worry the longer I'm out of work, the less someone will hire me, although all the career counselors say that isn't necessarily true in this economy.

I have faith in God and am very spiritual, but there are times I don't know how to hold on to the faith tight enough to not get discouraged. I think I have feelings of failing and wasting my life, so I am feeling a bit hopeless at times. Oh, it ebbs and flows,but I have no support system, so it makes it harder to carry on and keep up the strength and courage.

Thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate your concern and the time you take to answer so many people so eloquently. That shows your dear character and kind heart.

I appreciate the heartfelt welcome from everyone.

Blessings to all of you.

adoreqvc · ‎03-09-2010

Dear Apple Head,

I just finished reading your entailed very informative and appreciated kind reply, and all I can add to what I already said and what you also said is the following:

I wish you great success in having someone look at your resume and reword it to enhance your strengths, and accomplishments and then help you secure that job.

There are plenty people out there with no college at all, so do not be discouraged. You have a college degree, now you must also emphasize your strengths, assets, and accomplishments as I mentioned in my other post. You need to make yourself stand out well above other candidates.

I understand about how expensive Doctors visits are, and this health care Pres. Obama offered is not really affordable, for everyone as he kept promising, and that is the shame of it.

Please check into lower cost medical walk in clinics which allow payments according to yearly financial situation. It may be much lower than you think to be able to see a Doctor and get the tests and prescription meds you need, and their Hospital pharmacy usually offers cheaper med prices than brand meds.

Also if the clinic is in the Hospital all the better, because then you can really get low cost pricing for all services rendered if you qualify, and with no job but unemployment insurance I hope you will qualify.

Check around and see if that may help you, then call and ask what their qualifications to apply for lower medical cost payments are, and they will tell you their guidelines.

If you qualify they should also tell you what legal documents you need to bring in with you, and also schedule an appointment for you to be seen by one of their medical staff.

As for friends, when you have $ they are your best friend.....if they could get you to help them, they are your best friend, and the list goes on and on.

Like my wise dear beloved Mom used to say to us "with friends like that you don't need enemies", and she was so right.

Apple Head your parents are very proud of you, and do not doubt that for a minute!!!

A guy looking to hook up while attending a grief counseling session is someone no one needs to know under any circumstances.

The last thing many people want is to meet someone when they have lost a loved one and are grieving.

He came under false pretenses and therefore is trying to prey on women too emotional in grief to use common sense, and be able to see what he really is after, so they can safeguard themselves.

I am so relieved you were wise to him.

The truth really is we need comfort, compassion, love, and support when we are grieving, because that is when we are most vulnerable in life.

We especially need that from family and friends....to bad even family members and friends are not what we believed they were. If we do not receive that from anyone we trust, then we must look elsewhere for help and support.

Look deep within your spirit and you will find the answers you seek. Listen to your gut feelings and emotions as they can also be your true guide in this earthly life.

Just keep reminding yourself you will be fine, and you will be.

Also remember YOU ARE YOUR BEST SUPPORT SYSTEM!!!

Again keep in mind when one door closes, another one opens....so Apple Head please just stay strong, face life head on, and live to continue to make your Parents proud of you.

"By living your life with strong beliefs and convictions, you will find your way in all types of situations, and prevail".

Please Apple Head let us know how you are coming along, and I will keep checking back daily.

Post only when you feel you wish to, not because you owe me a reply.

The only thing you owe me is to be true to yourself and believe, because where there is life there is hope....

Sweet dreams my dear friend, and may the Angels watch over your restful slumber.

sunshine&rainbows · ‎06-06-2015

Hi Adore, I got back late Fri. night. Sat mourning went to the east side of the island and went snorkeling with my grandson 6yrs old he spent the weekend with us, just took him back. My visit with my sister was just what I needed, I can still see her smiling face, we did a lot of other adventures also, I don't know if its proper to go on about it on this thread.? Dear Adore I am grateful I read every post before they all disappeared You and they gave me hope and you gave me that little push I needed, it must of been that trusty wet noodle! Words cannot express what Ive gone through and I feel like I made it out of that deep pit of despair. Thank You Jesus. Gods Blessing and loving comfort to all. Sunshine.

sunshine&rainbows · ‎06-06-2015

@adoreqvc wrote:
Hi sunshine&rainbows,

I hope you are enjoying your visit with you dear SIster, and please know when you return I hope you share some highlights from your trip and your visit with her.

Oh ok now I am learning how to navigate around this new forum, just to sit with my sister and be in her presence was so comforting, even thou we did not grow up together we have found out through the years how very much alike we are and have lead similar lives and have similar traits! Its amazing : ) Thanks be to our Lord he brings us together.

adoreqvc · ‎03-09-2010

Welcome back sunshine&rainbows,

Yes my trusty wet noodle works all the time.

So happy to read of your trip visiting your Sister. and enjoying everything with your family.

See I knew you could do it, and know now you are happy you did.

We must put our fears aside, in order to live in the now, because God only promised us the present, and that is his present to all of his earthly children.........so don't let that present from Our Lord stagnat.

Get up, smile, get dressed, and get outside.

Remember life is an adventure, and you have to get out to spread your sunshine and rainbows so everyone can enjoy you.... and you can have a new adventure every day!

You just have to get your daily portion, and enjoy your day to the fullest, and most importantly please always remember, you are so special my dear kind sweet friend & you are loved!!!