Dear NycVixen,
You have my deepest condolences NycVixen.
I am so sorry you had to experience this miscarriage, and I have returned to edit this thread to repost some newer information. I hope the newer information also offers you greater understanding and comfort.
Unfortunately you lost a very important part when you had your miscarriage, which was you never gave, or received any final closure.
Grief is horrific, very painful, evolves and changes, but never really leaves, and when you have a miscarriage that too makes it so much more difficult, because you never had the chance to see or hold the baby, and never told the baby you loved it and it was okay to go home because this would be a temporary parting, and you would be reunited again in a sacred place filled with everlasting joy and no sorrow or pain..
NycVixen you unfortunately never received any final closure at all, and also never received either the baby's cremation ashes, or a memorial service for the baby with a head stone and place to pray and visit.
No closure with all our loved ones, I believe is the most painful earthly experience that we as human beings will ever experience.
There truly is no comprehension of the inner death we as women and nurturer's of our species feel.
When we as Mothers have miscarriages, or lose living children, we are left with aching painful empty arms.
Those empty arms will never, or will never again wither hold, hug, give love, give comfort to all our babies which were created.
A Mother's most precious sacred mission in life is to carry their children in the warmth of their bodies and protect them to the best of their ability.
Of course sadly unforeseen circumstances occur which cannot be prevented and two of those circumstances are miscarriages, and loss of a living child.
Mothers also carry the Motherly burden and joys of guiding their children's everyday foot steps in life, and offering all their children their sacred Motherly protection, love, wisdom, and guidance.
When I lost some loved ones unexpectedly I did not have closure either NycVixen, and that at times is very difficult to accept and understand, but eventually we do learn to go on, in spite of our many earthly heartaches, grief, and various losses.
NycVixen please believe me when I say "you are not alone in your grief".
We women which have also experienced these types of "losses share a bitter bondage in Sisterhood Unity.....Our inner souls still scream in silent denial and pain, and our grief will continue until we exit alone through that sacred door into another realm of eternal reunions, with all loved ones we lost, and a sacred realm where eternal joy with no remembrance of earthly pains, or sorrows embraces us.
I have also had 2 miscarriages where both embryos resulted both times in a very life threatening dangerous fallopian tube pregnancy.
I also did have a precious precocious little one, I also lost very early in my first marriage. My husband and entire family, relatives and many friends also grieved together with us .
I am also the last survivor of my immediate family, and all U.S. relatives.
My last 2 losses I experienced were my beloved husband of a very happy 45 year marriage, who died in a violent car accident, and exactly 2 weeks later my beloved Mother, also died.
(When a daughter loses that precious Mother Daughter bond we form at birth and experience throughout our lives, it was then, and still is now for me, the most difficult painful loss of all to have ever experienced).
Yes we are loved by many.......loved by our siblings, relatives, husbands, wives, fathers, daughters, sons, and relatives.....but no one loves us like our Mothers did, especially since it was our Mothers who carried us and risked their lives to bring us safely into this world.
Our Mothers protected us from harm and would give their lives keeping us totally safe.
"There is no stronger love, protection, or bond, like the love and protection of a Mother".
There is no one else like your loving caring Mother.
Especially with regards to the sacred Mother Daughter bond, when that sacred Mother Daughter bond is severed due to death it leaves the other totally shattered, lost, confused, and remaining with numerous unanswered questions...... we had no time to still ask.
Just knowing I shall never again be able to call my Mom just because I want to hear her loving voice or need advice or ask a question.... or visit her to see her happy eyes brighten with love, along with her infectious loving smile which would welcome me into her open arms waiting for a hug to embrace me, and then she would tenderly bless me and kiss me whispering "welcome back my daughter, I love and have missed you so much"....... to which I would always hug her closer, kiss her forehead, pet her cheek tenderly and reply I missed you too Mom very much, and I love you more....(To lose that for me will always remain at the top of my grief list).
The truth is there is no other love like the love of a Mother, and the loss of her truly chips away continuously at our shattered souls, which still remain behind.
2 dual deaths in 2 weeks is something I pray no one ever experiences.
I certainly can relate to what you are feeling NycVixen, and many women cannot speak about miscarriages, or their grief. They carry that grief silenced instead of shared with others, and it remains buried deep within their inner spirits.
Many wish to bury it as it really is very painful, but a miscarriage is a more dramatic different type of grief and loss, and one we never forget.
Keeping all this in mind I suggest speaking with your Physician if you have not already done so, as you many need some temporary prescription meds to help you function now.
Also in view of what you have suffered, grief counseling is free in many places so if you have not asked about that please ask your Physician or Religious Association.
Grief counseling with the last 2 deaths I experienced really helped me an awful lot. I did both group therapy grief counseling, and private grief counseling.
Lastly there is a thread which is titled delayed grief in the Wellness category, and I and others devoted many years on it and answered many concerns, questions, hopes, listed our own personal experiences as we walked through many grief journeys, and I also offered many grief healing poems which I feel always comfort our souls as we walk our Earthly grief journeys.
Also listed are our own experiences, so even though it was not sent over in its entirety from the previous QVC Community bb's, there is still information listed within which will answer many of your grief questions, and also comfort you now.
I have also posted new information on that thread since we moved into this new QVC forums format, about the grief journey which is outlined now to constantly live within us, and it does change and evolve, just as we human beings also change and evolve.
BTW The 5 and 7 steps to grief published over 3 decades ago do not really address the real story about grief.
The truth about grief, is that grief and loss in and of themselves never die, it always remains with us and evolves, as it is engraved within our being...and that piece I included on the delayed grief thread, really explains exactly how I felt each time I traveled the many many grief journeys, when I lost everyone I so dearly loved.
For the longest time I walked the Earth alone.....but I do believe when one door closes another one opens, and even in my deep grief traveling abroad, I met my current husband.
One door also closed for you NycVixen, but perhaps another shall open and in time you will have a great joy in your lives.....and that I what I will pray for NycVixen..
God Bless you and your family, and please know I will include you all in my daily prayers.
Also if you need to cyber chat please go to the Wellness category and the delayed grief thread and post.
I do check it often when I am not vacationing, and I hope my post and the others help you, and offer understanding and comfort during this very difficult time in the lives of your husband and yourself.
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