Mom to Mom

[Trix]

Similar situation happened to me almost two years ago now.  To make a long story short a close friend (who is a fitness instructor) had a baby.  I organized a monetary gift from oneof his groups I was a member of.  Several months went by with no thank you note and it was a substantial amount we gave the couple (for the second time I might add, as we had been just as generous when they got married). Anyway, it took some nudging to get the thank you note.  Nothing overbearingly pushy, but just a joking mention that the group is starting to think I went on a shopping spree with the money instead of passing it on to you. Well, soon after that we got a thank you note and photo of baby. Maybe the younger generation just doesn't think about writing anything anymore, and they have to be told that a Facebook post doesn't cut it.  A written expression on paper is still an appropriate thing to do. 

[nelliegirl]

I like the suggestions of helping to write them myself.  Thank you ladies, for your perspectives.

[GCR18]

I think I would drop it.  They have the cards and a couple reminders.  If for some reason it gets back to her, it may cause issues.

[K9buddy]

I don’t know how many people were at the baby shower, but if there’s a wedding, I assume there will be many more people there and many more thank you notes that won’t be written. 

[sidsmom]

Choose Your Battles

With a young, fresh (forced?) marriage & baby on the scene,

thank you notes might be low on the list of priorities. 

If the gift giver is like me, we know our gift is appreciated

without a written thank you.  I echo several before me..drop it. 

[Pook]

It is becoming more common not to send thank you notes for showers since they are thanked at the time when the gifts were opened.  I find it no big deal.  However, OP stated  "I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her."  so envelopes are already done.  How many are we talking here (I can't imagine there were that many people in attendance) so there is no reason why either of them could not take 15 or 20 minutes for a few days and get them done.  Just a personal mention in the card of the gift given needed.  

[nelliegirl]

They went to the courthouse one Saturday and got married, just the 2 of them.

[50Mickey]

Stay at home mom with a new infant is not a walk in the park. How many notes need to be written? Thank you notes don't have to be long just a couple of sentences and mention the gift. Done! If it were my son and I knew neither one were going to write the notes, I'd write send them to my friends and family. Then I'd tell them not to expect more showers or birthday gifts from my friends and family. 

[bdoby]

Why don't you just leave it alone or send thank you notes to all your friends and family.

You are setting yourself up  if you are persistent about thank you notes.  Yes she should but if she does not it is not the end of the world.

Your grandchild is the innocent victim in what could happen if you start a problem.

Love your grandchild like you have never loved before, that is the most important

part of this relationship, not about sending thank you notes.

[mom2four0418]

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@nelliegirl wrote:

Long story short....my son got his girlfriend pregnant before we even knew she existed.  They got married and I threw a baby shower for her.  Lots of my family and friends came to support me and my son, only meeting her for the first and only time at the shower, and bought nice gifts.  It is now 2 months later, the baby is born, and there have been no thank you notes sent out.  I have told my son numerous times to get on it and get them sent. I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her.  He has talked to her about it at least twice, if not 3 times.  Should I say something to her myself?  And how can I put it nicely without making her feel like I am criticizing her? 

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But you are criticizing her. Isn't your son capable of writing thank you notes? Maybe they can sit down and write them together. That is, after all how they conceived their child.