Mom to Mom

[K9buddy]

Please continue to have a relationship with your grandchildren, even if it's only through email, texting, skype, cards, etc. They deserve and need to have a loving grandmother in their lives.

[diamoniqueworksfor me]

you are a great lady that has raised a great son . I prayed for you yesterday and am praying for you right now and will pray for you later tonight .

Don't worry about your daughter in law no more, take care of yourself . You did all you could already , you did it with love and there is nothing more you can do .

We live in a world of entitlement , people think that they are entitle to an everything and are grateful for nothing .

Your son and daughter in law should be grateful for the wonderful, loving person that you are . I am also alone and would love to have someone like you in my life , sadly I don't .

If tomorrow you and i came into loads of money I bet that people would be coming out of every nook and cranny looking for us , but that is just the way it is ...

just rest assure that someone in California is praying with love for you . But most important God loves you most

[felinemom]

AGAIN THANK YOU LADIES, and Diamondiqueworks for me, remember someone on the east coast is thinking and praying for you ! Felinemom

[occasionalrain]

It seems that your DIL is not comfortable with her life. Maybe working and being a mother is more than she can handle and having a guest puts her over the edge. She seems like a person who is obsessed with neatness and is overly concerned with germs. I doubt her home is a warm and comforting place for her husband and children.

I can't imagine a no food in the car policy. It's a car, not a temple, and in not too many years will be junk in a junkyard.

Email your grandchildren and become interested in the things that interest them.

Many communities have organizations where you can volunteer to be a grandmother to children who haven't one of their own. It's like Big Sisters/Big Brothers. You can volunteer to hold babies in some hospitals. What I'm thinking is that you need to realize that the relationship you hoped to have with your DIL isn't likely so you need to find something or someone else who will welcome you and appreciate you.

[occasionalrain]

On 1/22/2014 Lagan said:

I would love to hear from the son and DIL on this topic.

Sometimes Poor Souls are in reality PITAs.

JMHO

That's true but really getting upset over a little popcorn in one's car or a sandals on an end table? No one eats off of end tables and the woman has children so messes happen. I'm feeling as sorry for her children as I do for the OP.

[CDN2]

On 1/30/2014 occasional rain said:

On 1/22/2014 Lagan said:

I would love to hear from the son and DIL on this topic.

Sometimes Poor Souls are in reality PITAs.

JMHO

That's true but really getting upset over a little popcorn in one's car or a sandals on an end table? No one eats off of end tables and the woman has children so messes happen. I'm feeling as sorry for her children as I do for the OP.

Putting shoes on furniture, especially in someone else's home is just plain thoughtless.

As for the popcorn, I really don't know how it happened, but it's annoying, and also in someone else's car.

I'm no therapist, just an old lady with lots of experience and insight, but the OP has a reason/excuse for EVERY SINGLE THING she did that annoyed her DIL. Woe is me.

She has to know what will upset DIL and maybe subconsciously, (or consciously) she does this to be annoying. It is a way of getting even for everything she feels her DIL does or says to her.

One more thing about some of these responses by mothers of sons. They say daughters-in-law, "snagged their sons". Give me a break.

[occasionalrain]

I believe the OP is trying so hard to please and not make a misstep that it rattles her and she does the very things she's trying hard to avoid. The sandal incident happened because she was worried about getting sand in the house.

I can't think that any of the things she did is so egregious that she should have her visits reduced by half. No one got injured, no expensive item got ruined.

[Melania]

On 1/30/2014 CDN2 said:

On 1/30/2014 occasional rain said:

On 1/22/2014 Lagan said:

I would love to hear from the son and DIL on this topic.

Sometimes Poor Souls are in reality PITAs.

JMHO

That's true but really getting upset over a little popcorn in one's car or a sandals on an end table? No one eats off of end tables and the woman has children so messes happen. I'm feeling as sorry for her children as I do for the OP.

Putting shoes on furniture, especially in someone else's home is just plain thoughtless.

As for the popcorn, I really don't know how it happened, but it's annoying, and also in someone else's car.

I'm no therapist, just an old lady with lots of experience and insight, but the OP has a reason/excuse for EVERY SINGLE THING she did that annoyed her DIL. Woe is me.

She has to know what will upset DIL and maybe subconsciously, (or consciously) she does this to be annoying. It is a way of getting even for everything she feels her DIL does or says to her.

One more thing about some of these responses by mothers of sons. They say daughters-in-law, "snagged their sons". Give me a break.

ITA!!!

Funny how so many forget what it's like to be a DIL themselves...wonder how their relationships were...

[occasionalrain]

The OP has offered to stay in a hotel during her visits which would alleviate the stress her visits seem to cause but her son and his wife were against that.

If I were in the OP's place that is exactly what I would do, visit whenever I felt like visiting, rent a car, check into a hotel, and call my grandchildren to arrange a fun day with them. I would be polite but avoid my DIL which is what she seems to want.

[felinemom]

Occasional Rain, I really don't think she'd let me take them alone. No, I'm not being a victim, but I think my son would have to be along. However, it is my plan to ask if I could do that. I would only stay for 3 days. Its all about control. Will keep you posted, thanks for advice ! Felinemom