How are you about letting them go?

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

One of my granddaughters, soon to be 21, is moving to NYC today with four of her friends. They found a great first floor apartment with three bedrooms right in the middle of Manhattan. She is so excited.

We had a family gathering yesterday during which we celebrated two birthdays and her sendoff. I was fine until it was time for her to leave early . . . they had to start loading the truck and they are all driving up together. When we hugged and I said "be careful," that's when my throat locked up and my eyes reddened. She said, "don't be sad, grandma, I will visit in March (her birthday) and keep in touch." When her SO came over and hugged me, I said "please take care of her," and he said, "I will, I promise."

Other than college, none of the kids in my life have ever moved away. But she's that kind of kid . . . loves adventure. She has two jobs already, one as a waitperson in a fancy restaurant, and one as a singer in a cafe.

Three of them are going to drama school ($55,000 per semester, which they all can afford because they come from wealthy families). My granddaughter obviously cannot afford that, so she'll be the working gal, while also auditioning for off-Broadway plays. She acts, sings, and dances and it all comes naturally.

So much sophistication for one so young. I can't help but think it is all too soon, yet it really isn't. Her SO is a sweet guy and loves her so much, but they are so young! She is with friends and will make a zillion more because that's just how she is.

My grandchildren have seemed to mature much faster than my children did, who matured much faster that I did. I guess time is time and it's really the same, but at my age, it is just speeding by too fast . . .

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

hoosieroriginal · ‎03-04-2012

In our family, maturity seemed to skip a generation (my children). Yet my granddaughter is like a 40 year old woman (now 23) and makes good decisions in her life. I think your granddaughter seems to have a good head on her shoulders - wouldn't worry about her.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

This post really resonates with me. My older daughter was visiting overnight on her way to a business trip and we started talking about my oldest grandchild, her nephew, who is 21 and graduating from college in May. At first we laughed about funny family stories, those we'll NEVER repeat to his girlfriend. Then, however, we started talking about how he'll be moving out into the world. He may be somewhere else when we visit at Christmas next year. It was hard enough when my younger daughter moved from NY to FL in 2001 but to visit them and not have ALL my kids and grandkids together makes me sad.

My oldest granddaughter is going off to college next fall and even my youngest granddaughter (she's my oldest daughter's child) is turning 12 on her mother's birthday on 3/3. She's growing up so fast. I joke that the only baby left in the family is my beagle, a perpetual puppy.

I think that I understand what the original poster is saying. It's part of life for our children to grow up, become independent and responsible, and embark upon careers and relationships (good ones, we hope). Then we get the chance to go through it again with our grandchildren, if we're fortunate. But then, the grandkids start going through the same normal voyage through life. We love them so much as babies, as children, EVEN as teenagers (one of the great benefits of grandparenthood). It's another version of the empty nest. Maybe the psychologists can give it a name, because it IS real.

ilovefall · ‎03-30-2011

I don't normally post my views on any of these blogs but felt I needed to on this one. Our son, who will turn 21 in April, joined the Air Force Reserves. He leaves for San Antonio, TX on Feb. 16th....15 short days. My eyes well up just thinking about it. He has a really good head on his shoulders and has always wanted to go into some type of military. I am thankful he didn't enlist full time. He wants to be a police officer. He went to school and received his associates in Criminal Justice. He has NEVER flown. Whenever we take vacations, we drive. Even on our cruises...we drive to NY and depart from there. None of us have ever felt the need to fly somewhere. That makes me nervous. I'm sure he's nervous too. Then there is the whole basic training. He know what he's getting into and he knows it will be hard the first few weeks but he's looking forward to it. He only gets two phone calls in the eight weeks he will be there. One on the fourth day of arrival and then one about half way into training. Other than that, it's writing letters. I know my husband and I are going to lose it when we bring him to the airport. I am dreading that day. We will fly to Texas in April for his graduation. The 'job' he will be doing will take him to California. He will come home (CT) in August. We will be Skyping during that time. Our oldest is planning on moving out with his girlfriend in the next few months. Our life is going to change drastically. I know everything changes, and it will be good, but I'm having an extremely difficult time with all of this. Thanks for listening.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I do feel your pain. But she sounds like she is definitely well grounded.

If she were not to do this, to try to live her dream, she may regret it all her life. Maybe she won't be as successful as she hopes, in this particular endeavor, and this is alright, she will have experiences and opportunities that staying close to home would never come her way.

It would be sad to see her go off on this journey if she had no talent in the areas she is pursuing (think of those poor kids on American Idol every year who try out having no idea how really bad they are), as she would be defeated so quickly when she sees all the talent out their to compete with. But she sounds like she is not only emotionally healthy and excited about this new chapter in her life, but has the skills and talents to compete, and succeed.

And the big city at a young age is very scary for us parents (and grandparents) to be sending out kids off into. Again, it seems she has thought ahead, is going with a group of friends and will have a support system, and others surrounding her to keep her safe and grounded.

I envy young people who are so optimistic and heading out to pursue their dreams. It seems not all that long ago I was so excited to be embarking on my adult journey.

You will be able to keep in touch with her easily with today's technology, and I know you will celebrate her successes and share her disappointments through this walk. Have fun watching her grow and experience.

StylishLady · ‎03-11-2010

It's an experience all parents and grandparents share at one time or another. The kids venture out on their own and you pray that they have been imbued with the skills and knowledge to make sound decisions. I wish them all the best of luck. We will always be there to help them up if they stumble.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@ilovefall wrote:
I don't normally post my views on any of these blogs but felt I needed to on this one. Our son, who will turn 21 in April, joined the Air Force Reserves. He leaves for San Antonio, TX on Feb. 16th....15 short days. My eyes well up just thinking about it. He has a really good head on his shoulders and has always wanted to go into some type of military. I am thankful he didn't enlist full time. He wants to be a police officer. He went to school and received his associates in Criminal Justice. He has NEVER flown. Whenever we take vacations, we drive. Even on our cruises...we drive to NY and depart from there. None of us have ever felt the need to fly somewhere. That makes me nervous. I'm sure he's nervous too. Then there is the whole basic training. He know what he's getting into and he knows it will be hard the first few weeks but he's looking forward to it. He only gets two phone calls in the eight weeks he will be there. One on the fourth day of arrival and then one about half way into training. Other than that, it's writing letters. I know my husband and I are going to lose it when we bring him to the airport. I am dreading that day. We will fly to Texas in April for his graduation. The 'job' he will be doing will take him to California. He will come home (CT) in August. We will be Skyping during that time. Our oldest is planning on moving out with his girlfriend in the next few months. Our life is going to change drastically. I know everything changes, and it will be good, but I'm having an extremely difficult time with all of this. Thanks for listening.

@ilovefall

Please thank your son in advance for his service. There is a special combination of pain and pride in sending a child off to the military.

My experience (although not with my own child, but as a sister of and friends of those who have sent children off like this) is that it does get easier, and that first few months is just something to be gotten through.

It doesn't help that your house will be emptying out rather quickly, everyone leaving at once, but it does bring on a new and different life, that isn't as horribly lonely as it seems, once some time passes.

Your son has set some wonderful goals, and is working through them, getting his degree already, and moving forward. I'm sure you are very proud, even though sad and a little afraid right now. These are steps he needs to take to be the man he wants to and needs to be.

Bless you and the entire family.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

(((Hugs, OP)))

First floor apartment? That what worries me. Hope there are bars or special safety screens on the windows.

She's not in Kansas (or wherever) anymore.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

the time to live in a cheap and tiny apt in Manhattan IS when you are young and think is an adventure. My daughter did it for 4 years,

Let her have that chance you only get it once

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

I find it interesting how these things have changed. When I was 20 and 21 I was living in my parents home, where I was expected to stay until marriage.

My daughter went to China while in college and lived there for a semester and then backpacked all over Europe for a few months. My other children stayed home and went to school. Nerve wracking for me; fun for her.

Now my granddaughter is off to Madagascar for an internship and her brother is off to the Marines when he graduates this June. Considering the problems in the world, very very frightening.