Re: Am I Nuts?

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie wrote:
I have a 39 year old son who is still single. He owns his own huge house that is beautifully furnished and two cars...one is a vintage car. He is doing okay for himself.

He doesn't want to get married and he is not in a serious relationship. He has admitted women his age have a ton of baggage and drama and he is not interested in any of that.

His two siblings are married with children.

I think as long as your kids are happy, that is a good thing. They could be married and miserable.

When people ask me why my son isn't married or in a relationship, I just say because he is the smart one. Actually it is none of their business and it is rude to ask.

He is correct IMO. Lots of baggage and drama!!!!! If he gets married make sure there is a prenup. He is not tied down, and he can choose to date who he wants.

Theresa1121 · ‎03-15-2010

I have two daughters who are 32 and 37 and neither are married or in a relationship. They have good jobs and self relient but I know they would like to meet someone and settle down. My heart is heavy as the years go by, their opionion on having children has changed each year. The younger one always spoke of wanting two children, but now she says she doesn't want kids. My older daughter is a teacher and has always said how hard it would be to work the hours she does and how getting to work early would be stressful..

Not to sound selfish but all of my friends seem to have tons of grandchildren and I love seeing all the pictures and they speak of grandparenting as the best thing that every happened to them. For us, the holidays are almost sad, and now they seem to be distancing themselves from us and not visiting as much, calling for advice and I just feel as if the circle of life is not going to be a factor in our family.

I don't talk about it with them and on occasion they will fill me in on when they are dating, but most of the time I don't know and 3 or 4 years since either has had a serious relationship and have introduced us to their boyfriends.

Yes, it is their lives but I know they would love to meet someone but as others have said, very hard in this day and age and I believe more difficult as you get older.

The holidays remain a bit melancholy for ther 4 of us.

Lorita Rutenberg · ‎12-27-2018

This is a big problem of our generation. It always sounds difficult to live with someone and make a family. I don't why it is getting tough these days?

AbbyK · ‎05-07-2010

OMG Tinker1121!

You and I could be sisters. We have exactly the same scenario...kids in their 30’s, but not married, and at the moment no significant others! Christmas was nice, but I was thinking, “There’s something wrong here. Why am I still expected to kill myself cooking, baking, and trying to make Christmas nice for them? They should be having me to their homes!” Without a family unit of their own, they’re always going to expect too much of their parents who are getting older! I’d like to travel somewhere at Christmas, but my husband is adamant about the “kids” having somewhere to go!

If I read one more Christmas card with the many grandchildren already, or one coming soon, or the newly pregnant, I was going to scream! No wonder why the holidays stress me out!!

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

As parents we want our kids to be happy.A lot is different today. Life is more stressful & difficult.I understand the feeling that you want your 30 plus kids to be married & have kids.But the decision isn’t up to you.

We must allow our kids to decide life for themselves. Even if it’s not what we would choose for them.It may hurt us to see them single or childless. But if they are happy that’s all that matters.

We can be there to love & support them.We can always be their soft place to fall.But we can’t navigate their lives for them.

At some point you need to find a comfortable niche for yourself & move on past your expectations . You will all be happier.

AbbyK · ‎05-07-2010

I agree 100% with you Nicksmom. I NEVER tell my kids they should be married or have had kids. I do keep my big mouth shut, but I’m just perplexed as to why they can’t meet people and have a relationship last. My daughter refuses to “settle” just to get married, and I totally agree with her and do tell her that. But sometimes when she comes to me crying, wondering what’s wrong with her, , and that’s she’s lonely, and why can’t she meet someone?, I’m at a loss as to what to tell her, outside of live your life, have fun , travel, meet new people, etc. it’s wearing on me....

a

Theresa1121 · ‎03-15-2010

@AbbyK wrote:
OMG Tinker1121!

You and I could be sisters. We have exactly the same scenario...kids in their 30’s, but not married, and at the moment no significant others! Christmas was nice, but I was thinking, “There’s something wrong here. Why am I still expected to kill myself cooking, baking, and trying to make Christmas nice for them? They should be having me to their homes!” Without a family unit of their own, they’re always going to expect too much of their parents who are getting older! I’d like to travel somewhere at Christmas, but my husband is adamant about the “kids” having somewhere to go!

If I read one more Christmas card with the many grandchildren already, or one coming soon, or the newly pregnant, I was going to scream! No wonder why the holidays stress me out!!

I said too that I wanted to plan a trip for next Christmas BUT my older daughter actually said she would host Christmas Day next year! I already know I will make most of the food and cart it over there but a step in the right direction. Btw, my husband also says, no traveling on Christmas.

Theresa1121 · ‎03-15-2010

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
As parents we want our kids to be happy.A lot is different today. Life is more stressful & difficult.I understand the feeling that you want your 30 plus kids to be married & have kids.But the decision isn’t up to you.
We must allow our kids to decide life for themselves. Even if it’s not what we would choose for them.It may hurt us to see them single or childless. But if they are happy that’s all that matters.
We can be there to love & support them.We can always be their soft place to fall.But we can’t navigate their lives for them.
At some point you need to find a comfortable niche for yourself & move on past your expectations . You will all be happier.

We never discuss their marital status and I do not express anything to them on the subject because I know they would love to meet someone to settle down with. It is just hard to meet someone these days and most of their friends have married their high school or college sweethearts.

They have fullfilling lives and jobs in other aspects, but I know they get lonely and I am just lonely for them is all. We have lost my parents and my sister and our family circle is growing smaller and we are all sad about this as well as we were very close.When it is meant to be it will happen but I believe this younger generation do not really know what it takes to just be content and take the good with the bad as they say.

Brisky · ‎12-09-2018

Times have changed. I would worry more about the people who easily just jump into relationships. I think they are being wise because it is a BIG decision. My nephews and niece are in their thirties
Single and happy.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@CalminHeart wrote:
I get the same questions about my youngest. He is 33 and single. He has a Masters in Social Work, has been recognized for his research, and is a therapist who works with addicts. He has some wonderful friends, a great job, owns a home, and is a very good human being. I usually ignore questions about my youngest's relationships by changing the subject.

@CalminHeart I'd look those rude people in the eye and say "Would you like his cell number so YOU can call and ask him?" See what they say to that!