Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is

rms1954 · ‎06-06-2019

I used to bake every weekend but I don't do that now. DH is always bugging me that I don't bake any longer. Maybe it's cuz I'm not even hungry most days. No mother should ever feel this pain. Nothing will ever be the same again. I always thought he felt loved anough ... he did the unthinkable. I feel like I failed him.

mrshckynut · ‎06-19-2011

@rms1954 age and more important things in my life, for me it is "not a problem" or concern

mrshckynut

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@rms1954 - You are definitely not alone, as you can see here. I talk to a lot of women who feel like this. I think it's just part of growing up. Most of us enjoyed these things when we were younger, but now we are tired and have moved on.

As long as you're interested and involved in other things, I think you'll be fine.

What you're feeling is very normal!

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@rms1954

PLEASE find a grief support group, or someone you can open up to about the heavy load you are carrying!

You did not fail your son! Your son was an adult, fully in charge of his life and decisions. I too lost a dear one under the same circumstances, and I assure you being loved was not enough to ease the apparent turmoil in her head. My family did everything within our power to help my aunt once she voiced her intentions; started with an immediate appointment with her medical provider, immediate appointment with a psychiatrist, and immediate voluntary commitment to a psychiatric facility, where she stayed for 30 days. From day one, my aunt played a game with her care team; she went from a defiant attitude to a cooperative, playing nice attitude. Fooled them all! She came home and killed herself within 4 hours! All the meds, all the single and group therapy sessions in that inpatient setting did absolutely nothing to take away what was already decided in her head! She had immediate attention to her needs with quality care in a topnotch facility, but it did not stop my aunt from taking her life. It was very clear to us that if medical intervention didn't work, there was absolutely nothing we could've done to change the outcome.

I was very close to my aunt, loved her deeply, and would've done anything in my power to have helped her. I was sad, I grieved, I helped clear out her house; some of her special things are visible in my home where I see them daily. The emotion that stayed and weighed me down for years after her death, was anger! I was so angry with her for the pain she caused my grandmother, my mother, her son and his family, as well as the rest of us, and I carried that anger and let it eat away at me for far too long.

As years passed, suicide rates got more attention in the medical field which led to more information being openly available, and that helped me realize I had to let go of my anger. In order to let go of my anger, I had to forgive my aunt for her actions. That was a challenge I accomplished thru my prayers. I had never dreamed about my aunt, but at some point after I forgave her, I saw her in a dream, standing with my uncle, looking so young and happy. I can still close my eyes and see them the exact way they were in my dream, which still makes me smile and know I did the right thing.

If anger is part of your emotions, please release it and start your healing process. I send you hugs and best wishes for brighter days ahead!

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

@rms1954 wrote:
I used to bake every weekend but I don't do that now. DH is always bugging me that I don't bake any longer. Maybe it's cuz I'm not even hungry most days. No mother should ever feel this pain. Nothing will ever be the same again. I always thought he felt loved anough ... he did the unthinkable. I feel like I failed him.

Please don't blame yourself. Reach out for help. Grief and loss are so difficult to deal with on your own. It takes time but getting the help you need is important. There are others who have and are feeling as you do right now. You are not alone.

antlor · ‎03-02-2024

Wow, 30 people?! Even in my younger years that would have been a challenge. I'm 69 and I love cooking for my family of 3. But even for the holidays I struggled with energy and it really bummed me out. I don't want to stop doing this for them, as we are a very small family. I'll try to do a few things differently next holiday to ease the work load. I haven't given up.

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

I'm 75 and over cooking. I've cooked for nearly 57 years.

No entertaining either. My old body can't do it.

It's just DD and me. She doesn't care what we eat. She absolutely hates cooking and would rather be sewing any day of the week.

CJC · ‎03-11-2010

I'm in 80's, married nearly 60 years, and have passed the cooking/entertaining thing on to the younger generation. Not many blessings about growing old, but not needing to be responsible for hosting all the big family celebration dinners is one of them. 😄

ninjawife · ‎11-15-2011

I have been hosting Christmas dinner since oldest DD (who is now 28) was 2 years old. DD was the only grandchild on either side of the family so it was easier to have everyone come to us rather than dragging her to various family members' homes. I have had 20-25 people but in the last two years it has only been me, DH, two DDs, sister-in- law and brother-in -law. Cooking for 6 is a lot less work but this year I made it even easier on myself by ordering sides from a local gourmet market. All I had to do was heat them. They were delicious so I think I am going to use them every year.