Kitchen

[Noel7]

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@Mothertrucker wrote:

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I feel propelled to clarify something - 

Maybe I'm wrong (if there actually IS a right and wrong) but I see it like this - 

There is a vast difference, for me, between saying 'whoa, that's an artery-clogger' (or whatever-critiquing the recipe or aspects of said recipe), and saying something like 'you're an idiot for posting that recipe'.

For me there is a serious lot of space between between a critique of the recipe and an insult posted at the person who posted it.

For me, the first one wouldn't be impolite but the second one would.

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I guess one of  my points is, "Why even SAY, 'whoa, thats an artery clogger' at all"? While it may not be insulting to the person who posted the recipe, it sort of implies that the rest of us are too ignorant to know  what clogs arteries or too stupid  to care..I think we all know when a recipe is unhealthy, I doubt very much it needs to be pointed out..but htat was notmy point in my reply- My point was if someone posts that they "love" something, then someone comes in right after and says they "hate" it ( and I am not talking about suggesting substitutions in a recipe).. well to me, there is more going on there than just simply stating an opinion, especiallyif the poster id not ask for one..

And CB, I dont expect you to sugar coat your words, nor do I want you to, but honestly, there some posters seem to get a "high" out of putting down and criticizing nearly everything.. perhaps their  self described "superior " eating habits put  them  on a different level than we mere mortal cooks, maybe it is just  an evangelical "zeal" that they feel about what they do and they truly DO want to "enlighten" us all.... ....

This is definitely not you,CB,  but your point that it is hard to know what someone might find insulting is well taken.. so I usually err on the side of being more tactful, even if it means keeping my opinions inside sometimes. The world does not hold its breath for my opinions....... Remember we cannot  "read" inflection and tone here like in real conversations... 

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@Mothertrucker

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, much of the "health" information used against others is inaccurate, to put it as politely as possible.

You can show medical or scientific articles showing their information to be not true but they will keep on repeating it.

[Sooner]

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@Mothertrucker wrote:

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I feel propelled to clarify something - 

Maybe I'm wrong (if there actually IS a right and wrong) but I see it like this - 

There is a vast difference, for me, between saying 'whoa, that's an artery-clogger' (or whatever-critiquing the recipe or aspects of said recipe), and saying something like 'you're an idiot for posting that recipe'.

For me there is a serious lot of space between between a critique of the recipe and an insult posted at the person who posted it.

For me, the first one wouldn't be impolite but the second one would.

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I guess one of  my points is, "Why even SAY, 'whoa, thats an artery clogger' at all"? While it may not be insulting to the person who posted the recipe, it sort of implies that the rest of us are too ignorant to know  what clogs arteries or too stupid  to care..I think we all know when a recipe is unhealthy, I doubt very much it needs to be pointed out..but htat was notmy point in my reply- My point was if someone posts that they "love" something, then someone comes in right after and says they "hate" it ( and I am not talking about suggesting substitutions in a recipe).. well to me, there is more going on there than just simply stating an opinion, especiallyif the poster id not ask for one..

And CB, I dont expect you to sugar coat your words, nor do I want you to, but honestly, there some posters seem to get a "high" out of putting down and criticizing nearly everything.. perhaps their  self described "superior " eating habits put  them  on a different level than we mere mortal cooks, maybe it is just  an evangelical "zeal" that they feel about what they do and they truly DO want to "enlighten" us all.... ....

This is definitely not you,CB,  but your point that it is hard to know what someone might find insulting is well taken.. so I usually err on the side of being more tactful, even if it means keeping my opinions inside sometimes. The world does not hold its breath for my opinions....... Remember we cannot  "read" inflection and tone here like in real conversations... 

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I don't think saying "Wow that has too much fat in it for me" is any different than saying "That pink is too bright for me" about a tee shirt.  It is a comment.  It may confirm or contridict my own thought about something when I read it. It makes it a discussion.  That's all.

If others having a differing opinion but not a mean one makes some people mad, I don't know what you can do about that.  People are entitled to opinions--especially on a discussion board.

Personal comment ahead here--I think a lot of what is wrong with the world (US especially) is that differing opinions are NOT allowed much now.  How do you learn anything if you don't want to know what others think?  I love DISCUSSING things with others, and that means knowing what they think.  If polite, it shouldn't be considered confrontational.

[dooBdoo]

        Interesting thread!   I seldom post in the "Kitchen" or the "Recipes" forums because I'm not much of a cook (understatement!).   But I've often enjoyed reading here and I do so appreciate those who take the time and effort to share.

        It's sad that the technical changes to the forums caused some posters to leave, because truly there are so many improvements over the old platform and it only takes a while to grow accustomed to the new features.   I also feel sad that some posters decide to leave because they've repeatedly been treated unkindly.  

        What's "kind" or "unkind" surely can be subjective, sometimes.   And the written word is such a weak substitute for face-to-face discussions.  So it's easy to misunderstand, it's easy to intend to say one thing but then find out it came across in an unintended way.   Plus, in some cases we could say, "You're great," and if someone's having a bad day, etc., they might take offense.   Over that we have no control.

        I try very hard to read my comments before (and after) posting...  to try and think how they might be perceived.   Honestly, I think it takes less time to be thoughtful and mindful... up front before posting... of how our posts "sound" than to return and explain what we really meant or apologize for hurt feelings.

I think these quotes are spot on:

         "Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit — the parallel powers of your heart and mind — better than how you give feedback."  ~Maria Popova, writer and critic


         “Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”  ~Sir Isaac Newton  (This one was my siggy for a while.)

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[dooBdoo]

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chickenbutt wrote:

Aww, you two are the best!  (but then I already knew that).

I don't want to make this about me, but I just have to say how much I appreciate it when somebody understands me.    Granted, I have more of a capacity for loving animals than humans, but I'm not a bad person.  Sure, I have opinions for miles but I never use them as weapons against others.

Here's one I like - Why can't we all just get along?      (RIP, RK)

If somebody says/types something that another finds insulting, how about we just consider the possibility that they didn't mean it to be insulting and one thing I hesitate to say but I think it's SUPER important - Everything is not about me.  It never was, and it never will be.

That helps me to stay in my own lane sometimes and it also helps me to get along with others without making snap judgments.  

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       @chickenbutt, Your comment in bold is something I brought up in the "Community Chat" thread about reacting sensitively to responses.

        I've learned, if I feel an "ouch" from reading a response, that I need to take a pause and figure out a few things.   Was it really directed at me?  Why did I think it was directed at me, and why did it bother me?  Just my opinion, but these are opportunities to learn more about myself rather than immediately feel offense and react in anger or hurt.

[ECBG]

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@SharkE wrote:

I can't find Reynolds Wrap pre cut parchment paper any more. Hope, that wasn't just a one time testing thing. really liked that.

My poor sister up in Ind is sending me some.

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@SharkE, They have them on Amazon.

[Mothertrucker]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Mothertrucker wrote:

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I feel propelled to clarify something - 

Maybe I'm wrong (if there actually IS a right and wrong) but I see it like this - 

There is a vast difference, for me, between saying 'whoa, that's an artery-clogger' (or whatever-critiquing the recipe or aspects of said recipe), and saying something like 'you're an idiot for posting that recipe'.

For me there is a serious lot of space between between a critique of the recipe and an insult posted at the person who posted it.

For me, the first one wouldn't be impolite but the second one would.

---

I guess one of  my points is, "Why even SAY, 'whoa, thats an artery clogger' at all"? While it may not be insulting to the person who posted the recipe, it sort of implies that the rest of us are too ignorant to know  what clogs arteries or too stupid  to care..I think we all know when a recipe is unhealthy, I doubt very much it needs to be pointed out..but htat was notmy point in my reply- My point was if someone posts that they "love" something, then someone comes in right after and says they "hate" it ( and I am not talking about suggesting substitutions in a recipe).. well to me, there is more going on there than just simply stating an opinion, especiallyif the poster id not ask for one..

And CB, I dont expect you to sugar coat your words, nor do I want you to, but honestly, there some posters seem to get a "high" out of putting down and criticizing nearly everything.. perhaps their  self described "superior " eating habits put  them  on a different level than we mere mortal cooks, maybe it is just  an evangelical "zeal" that they feel about what they do and they truly DO want to "enlighten" us all.... ....

This is definitely not you,CB,  but your point that it is hard to know what someone might find insulting is well taken.. so I usually err on the side of being more tactful, even if it means keeping my opinions inside sometimes. The world does not hold its breath for my opinions....... Remember we cannot  "read" inflection and tone here like in real conversations... 

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I don't think saying "Wow that has too much fat in it for me" is any different than saying "That pink is too bright for me" about a tee shirt.  It is a comment.  It may confirm or contridict my own thought about something when I read it. It makes it a discussion.  That's all.

If others having a differing opinion but not a mean one makes some people mad, I don't know what you can do about that.  People are entitled to opinions--especially on a discussion board.

Personal comment ahead here--I think a lot of what is wrong with the world (US especially) is that differing opinions are NOT allowed much now.  How do you learn anything if you don't want to know what others think?  I love DISCUSSING things with others, and that means knowing what they think.  If polite, it shouldn't be considered confrontational.

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You are so right. Saying "for me" totally changes the comment and makes it simply your own opinion and not a blanket statement or indictment of another posters post..Which, (in my opinion) is what offends some posters..

True, everyone should have a thicker skin and we all know it isnt about "us", but on some level, these types of comments are bothering people, and, for ME, I find it easier to just not offer my opinions  as anything other than that, and I try not to be as much of a smart ass here as I am in real life...

[Mothertrucker]

@dooBdoo LOVE the Sir Isaac Newton quote!

[dooBdoo]

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mothertrucker wrote:

@dooBdoo LOVE the Sir Isaac Newton quote!

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        Glad you like it!   Me, too, @Mothertrucker!  It's a good reminder (for me, anyway ).