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[kitcat51]

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@house_cat wrote:

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@kitcat51 wrote:

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@kitcat51...this is an anonymous chat board....I do not see an issue

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I don't care if its anonymous, I don't share personal info about family & friends unless I ask & if I asked it would be with the goal of getting helpful advice & they would be able to read it too. 

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It's too bad you can't take it as an opportunity for us to discuss an issue that is not uncommon. I always learn from my forum friends.

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You could have posted about overbuying without sharing a confidence & what you saw in her home, she apologized so you know she's embarrassed....we simply have different ideas about what's OK to post without asking. Be well.

[Mom2Dogs]

My opinion on this is it is a form of mental illness, and she needs the appropriate help...just telling her to stop is not going to be of any value. She and her husband need to address this together...it is a long term issue.

[Witchy Woman]

@house_cat

My sister is like this.  She has a lovely home, but when I visit, there are always lots of unopened boxes and more on the way (according to her).  

Last time I was there, her small kitchen counter was lined with new gadgets in bright colors.  I saw at least two large Kitchenaid mixers. 

I remember she told me 2 years ago she bought new dishes, but they were never opened/used.  

It extends to her food buying.  Freezer is stuffed to the point of exploding.  Yet, she shops often and buys more.  

I reorganized/cleaned her freezer out once and the very next visit, it was packed full.  She puts large pieces of meat directly into the freezer without rewrapping and never uses them.  They freezer burn and she throws them away.

She has enough sheets and blankets to furnish a hotel, yet she buys more sheets and blankets.

It's sad and wasteful.  Her attic is overflowing with stuff.  Her piles of unopened mail are stacked everywhere.

I discovered one thing.  I cannot stop her and she will not change.

End of story.

[kitcat51]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@kitcat51....we all have our own opinon about this issue....and we can agree to disagree on this subject..... but if I NEED TO VENT about something/someone because discussing the issue with a friend is not possible, this is the place I would go.....my circle of friends is very small.....if I would vent to one of them I am sure it would get back to that person....which would open a can of worms.......we all need a place to air 'stuff' that happens in our lives.

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You can share-vent about overbuying without sharing a confidence told to your husband & what you saw in a friends home. We simply have different ideas about what's OK to share without asking. Be well.

[LoveMyBaby]

@house_cat

Hi, pretty sure we've all heard of, known, or ran across "over-the-top- shoppers" such as your friend. Her shopping habit is not that unique. I've been to many garage and estate sales where brand new - never used or unopened items have been placed in their sale. One estate sale I went to, apparently grandma had stuffed underneath her bed tons of the little brown unopened bags- all jewelry. She never even opened and enjoyed the things.

I'm actually relieved you changed the subject, and to hear she doesnt shop with QVC (or any other home-shopping channel), because that would open up a very expensive can of worms for her shopping addiction.

Geez, there's a million stories on this forum about different and varied subjects. We are on a "shopping" forum for petes sake, so pretty safe to say everyone here likes to shop from time to time. 😉 

[house_cat]

As @Wiscfan3 mentioned, she is a very generous person and volunteers for several charity groups in my area.  I'm pretty sure she sees that the money could be better spent, but it's a compulsion.  I also know that there is an underlying reason for it and I know what it is. I will just say that it's a tragic loss sustained several years ago, not something that is currently a danger to her in any way. As I understand it, most hoarding tendencies are triggered by terrible losses.

I am impressed by it, because it is so against my own nature to overbuy and hoard.  She's a tiny little thing, probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and most likely shakes her head at my consistent 30 pounds of excess weight. She hasn't offered to fix me, so I won't be offering to fix her, but if she should ever ask for my help, of course I'll be there to support her.  

I was listening to ITKWD last week and a woman called to say she had just purchased her FOURTH air fryer.  Another time, I heard a woman say she had "several" Rowenta irons in her attic, unopened.  There are callers with dozens of Dooney bags and so many other examples of the compulsion. I'm sure it was harder to overbuy and hoard when you physically had to go to the store and drag the items home.

[jeanlake]

Consumerism, or increasing consumption of goods, can be a preoccupation. Many stop themselves before it gets out of hand. I hope your friend comes to this conclusion. Sounds like it could be a problem in their marriage. I know someone who pursues her obsessions. She gets bored then changes her focus. Not great for her marriage and they're close to retirement. I am concerned for my friend. 

[EastCoastGal]

@house_cat... Your poor friend. I feel for her because I am like her.  You're right! Don't give her any information about stores online she's not shopped from yet!!!

My Story as a Hoarder

After having a breakdown a month after 9/11, I started shopping MUCH MORE at a certain online store and had a hard time stopping! I was getting boxes and bags left and right and filled up my home. I live alone. I also ended up having 3 storage rooms.

Something interesting about spending money...I saw a commercial about an antidepressant that warned about problems with gambling and shopping. BINGO!!! It was just a warning...not a compensation but it was enough to tell me that was when my problem started. It lasted for several years though and I ended up a hoarder. Me?? I said. I used to be so fussy and everything was in its place. When I saw that commercial I actually stepped inside my door one day and looked around. I had a path going through each room and I said out loud "What the h*** did I do to my home???" It was a shock to actually see what I had done!!

I am retired and all I did when I got up in the morning was use my bathroom (that's still clean and I can use all 3 things...sink, toilet and shower.) ... made some breakfast (I kept an area open on the counter and I could still wash dishes.) ... Next thing I did was take my breakfast and other meals in the living room...going through my paths and sat down in my recliner and watched TV for the day and night. When I had a doctor appointment I would run errands after or when I needed meds I would go to the drug store buying more than I needed.

DID I GET TO USE ALL THOSE THINGS I BOUGHT??? NO!! I've sent quite a lot of things back to the online store and to other stores but WOW what a mess!! NO TRASH and NO ANIMALS so not a wet, moldy, stinky mess like on "Hoarders" ... but look what I did to my home!! ...and I'm still paying off my bills.

This year I bought a few things online for Christmas gifts and a few things for me...nightgowns and one Vera Bradley tote. I did slip and bought a LOT of things at a dollar store and a card store....but I have cut way down. I have to. Where was I going to put it??

I bought a newly remodeled home "back home" two years ago where I grew up. I still have 2 siblings there and their families. My brother found this home for me and it has the best basement. Uh oh...you are thinking. My brother said that's OK because everything I have left in my home I can fit down there in bins. It's as large as my home, over 1,000 sq ft and almost completely open. I bought a lot of shelving units because I'm not getting rid of everything. I have bins of Christmas things, bins with paperwork to look through. I did get rid of all 3 storerooms so far (I applauded myself!!) and am still cleaning out my home. I have a ways to go yet but I am working on it. I've thrown out lots of things...magazines, plastic bags galore, paper, old bills, older or broken things I just didn't need anymore and used my very large recycled bin lots of times. (More applause I'm giving myself !!)

My goal has passed but I have set another ... in the Spring. Have to sell my home because I can't affort both! I just want to get it cleaned out and possibly sell it. It's an 11-room manufactured home...large! If I can't sell it I will sell it for ONE DOLLAR just to get rid of it.

Hoarding is a horrible habit/disease and I HAVE identified the reason for it because there's ALWAYS an emotional reason. I need to find a new therapist back home where my new home is.

PLEASE be careful people who buy too much "stuff" because it is very easy to get in the trap of  (1) buying things; (2) buying more things; and (3) just having too much stuff and no where to put it.

Now that I've told the truth about myself, I hope no one will avoid me because of this problem I have ... that I am working on. I'm a good person and I WILL get through this!!!  

PLEASE...If you are a hoarder you CAN be helped. I finally am and I feel so proud of myself for all that I've done so far...and all that I'm about to get done...  

[rnmom]

@EastCoastGal- that was very brave of you for sharing your story on this forum. I am glad that you finally recognized the problem and that you are getting help and working on it. Congratulations to you!

There is another forum called take one step at a time, it is for hoarders who are working to improve their situations. I'm not a hoarder (but my mother in law is) but I will check it out from time to time, just to get inspiration to keep motivated in my own decluttering.

They are a very nice group of people and absolutely NO judgement if you want to check it out. Hugs

[house_cat]

@EastCoastGal

I am so touched by your story.  Sharing our thoughts and feelings, and learning from one another is the purpose of these boards, in my opinion.  I can see from your writing style and the insightful things you've said, that you are a highly intelligent and resourceful woman.  I'm confident that you will find your way through the crisis.  I can't speak for everyone on the boards, as we always seem to attract a few anonymous trolls who delight in stirring the pot and hurting feelings, but by and large we are a compassionate group of people and I really believe you will find some solace here.  I encourage you to seek out the group mentioned in @rnmom previous post.  There is another thread called "What have you purged today?" that could be an excellent place to post your daily successes, no matter how small.

Wishing you blessings in this new year.  I hope you enjoy many happy, healthy years in your new home.