Those Holiday Letters

Witchy Woman · ‎03-15-2010

Was hoping to get through Christmas without getting one of those "my life is so wonderful" letters, but no such luck.

One came last night from a woman I have not seen or heard from in at least 25 years. I wondered why she would bother now. No answer came to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy when people are happy and their lives are chugging along in a positive direction. However, if you haven't been in touch with me in all those years, why now? No explanation I could think of.

I don't need or want a two page letter telling me you've bought a beach home, your children are perfect and, for good measure, telling anyone reading the letter that they should have a "Gratitude Journal" so their life can be as great as yours. Really? If only I had known that was the key to a perfect life!

Why do people do this? It does not make me feel warm towards them. Quite the opposite. Not that we were ever that close, but now, after 25 years you decide to contact me?

I have a small list of people that I send cards to. Some old, some new friends. I send the cards with a wish for the New Year, and a note to say, "I'm thinking of YOU."

My husband brought me back to my happy place saying, "She must have been going through an old address book."

We both had a good laugh. God Bless him, as he tells me often, "Im not a deep thinker" and sometimes that's the thing I love most about him.

Haven't decided if I'll send a return card, and, mostly, I'm just musing out loud. But, I'm trying to understand the thought process behind sending these letters.

Maybe there isn't one

cherib · ‎08-01-2016

It is odd she’d send a card after so many years of not being in touch. Maybe it’s her way of reaching out to reignite the friendship?

i enjoy getting Christmas letters. Makes me sad to get a card that is just signed with no family news included. It would be hard to write a long personal note to everyone who’s sent a card so the typed letter makes it easier.

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

No one's life is perfect. All of us are hit with hardballs from time to time. It's life and this woman is too.

I'd like to know what she didn't tell you. How's her relationship with her husband? Are they in debt after buying that beach house? Any medical issues?

I get those letters, too, and there's always one that comes across as bragging, throwing their good fortune in our faces. We're not impressed.

I think they are in poor taste because not everyone's life is rosy. The recipient may be going through a very challenging time and sometimes it's difficult; although normal, not to become envious. It's best to be humble.

Maybe, others can answer your question as to why she wrote you the letter after 25 years. I can't.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

I enjoy getting cards from people I rarely, if ever, see and like that they write a few lines. However, I don't really need or want one of those generic letters that are typed up to send to everyone they know which chronicles everything they have done for the entire year! I agree that I also am disappointed to get cards that merely have the names and that is it. I have also gotten some cards which once opened, do not even have our names on them. How much more impersonal can you get????

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

DbinMD · ‎09-18-2019

@Witchy Woman

My SIL always sent these letters.. Personally, I never see the point. As you say, and I agree, it just a way to brag about their lives. We live on one coast and they live on the other coast. But that doesn't mean that we didn't know what was happening in their lives. But for someone that you hadnt heard from im 25 years, that takes the cake. Did she fill you in on all 25 years? LOL!!

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

Probably they are drowning in debt, hate their jobs, haven't had a real discussion with each nor had any physical contact with each other in years, at least one of them is cheating, jr was picked up twice for pot, daughter is "seeing" a real jerk, etc.

One relative has custom letters made as their card even. Why would we need or want to know how many vacations they went on, job changes or promotions or what this relative's wonderful step children (who we met twice and had no interaction with) do.

Susan Louise · ‎03-14-2010

@DbinMD wrote:
@Witchy Woman

My SIL always sent these letters.. Personally, I never see the point. As you say, and I agree, it just a way to brag about their lives. We live on one coast and they live on the other coast. But that doesn't mean that we didn't know what was happening in their lives. But for someone that you hadnt heard from im 25 years, that takes the cake. Did she fill you in on all 25 years? LOL!!

@DbinMD Hysterical! ...

@Witchy Woman We get a couple of those brag letters every year. After the first few from each relative, we just don't even open them anymore.

ValuSkr · ‎03-15-2014

I'm with you, @Witchy Woman - I don't even read those letters. My brother and his wife often do one that's self-deprecating in a funny sort of way. That's okay. It's kind of a parody on the dreaded "Christmas letter."

RespectLife · ‎02-27-2012

@Pook wrote:
Probably they are drowning in debt, hate their jobs, haven't had a real discussion with each nor had any physical contact with each other in years, at least one of them is cheating, jr was picked up twice for pot, daughter is "seeing" a real jerk, etc.
One relative has custom letters made as their card even. Why would we need or want to know how many vacations they went on, job changes or promotions or what this relative's wonderful step children (who we met twice and had no interaction with) do.

I actually GOT one of those letters a few yrs back that is exactly what your first paragraph states!

Hates her husband, leaving him for the 'other' side, son on drugs and in and out of jail, daughter severly depressed...Oh...by the way...MERRY CHRISTMAS! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Brutally honest...and it wasn't a joke...the sad part was it was all true!

The other one that comes to mind was from the wife of my DH coworker. Every year she described their wonderful life, marriage, gorgeous, smart, brilliant daughters, throwing out names of local 'celebs' GAG! Turns out, she was having an affair w/ her husbands best friend for 10 years! The home life was nothing as described.

The whole family fell apart very publicly (in the work place). Professed a lot...was living up to none.

Havarti · ‎03-08-2014

I have had a similar experience in two unrelated instances. Not that I received a Christmas letter, but that people from decades ago suddenly reach out for no known reason. I was perplexed both times. Eventually, in both cases, I learned that each of them had terminal illnesses. They were both apparently reflecting on their life and wanting/needing to reconnect with their history and the people in it.

Over time, memories can distort - we may remember things slightly differently than they actually were and memories of past times may be comforting when seen through older wiser eyes. I did not know at the time what caused these people to reach out but I was glad I responded and hope it filled a need. We never established a fresh friendship, but I don't think that was wanted anyway.

For some reason you have made a mark in the memory of this person for them to reach out to you at this late stage in their life. View it from the perspective they are filling a need (a hole in their life) on their part rather than flaunting their success. If they were truly all that happy & successful they would likely not have time or need to reach back to friends from long ago. More likely there is something going on in their life that is causing them to reflect on days gone by. Worth a thought.

Snarky responders need not reply. Move along and share your views elsewhere.