(((@gellen))) ❤️ The title of your thread took my breath away. Normally I read all the posts before I write, but this time I didn't. My time is limited this morning, I can't stay right now, but I feel a sense of urgency and wanted to respond in hopes I might be of service. Knowing the compassion and empathy that dwells within our fellow posters I know the other responses are providing comforting support and encouragement.
Please take slow, deep breaths, and talk to yourself as you talk to someone you love.
Speak to yourself and about yourself with love.❤️
Next, please let your doctors know that you continue to feel despondent.
Be clear and complete in conveying exactly how you feel, what you are experiencing.
Your emotions are tender. Do not think you have to keep this to yourself.
It is a show of strength and courage when we reach out for help in times like these, we move through healing by asking for and accepting help.
Particularly after inpatient care, this is a time to be in close communication with your medical team. They want you to do this, so tell them.
I know from experience that when we truly give up on ourselves we might not think or act in a way that's best for us.
I've given up on myself more times than I can count, and I'm not sure why I'm still here. I want you to know this because it's important that you don't feel alone and that you know there is hope. I've had multiple inpatient psychiatric stays, in one case for 3 weeks, the others were slightly shorter. I have been in therapy for many years and continue to learn, recognize, pick up, and mend my broken parts, and open new doors, so I know you can, too.
Depression is complex and dark, can be like a fuzzy thick viscous fog that keeps invading our brain. Our senses are clouded and at the same time magnified. Sleep can be impossible, other times we feel the need to sleep for days. Unless someone has experienced it, I know of no way to fully provide adequate insight into what everything feels like, sounds like, or the way we are changed by our depression. At times, it's as if our brain and emotions have been overtaken by an unfamiliar presence and it's like slogging through thick fog and deep quicksand just to go from one moment to the next. It might not be exactly the same for you, but please know there's a lot going that might make it hard for you to think, act, organize.
I'll add some things I've learned along the way, but again they might not be "do-able" if you're not thinking clearly and touching base with your medical team.
Take small steps and don't be hard on yourself.❤️
Do your best to keep moving, to try and keep to a schedule. A schedule is important because gaining better mental health involves getting and keeping ourselves organized, consistent, active, engaged, and disciplined... all of which is counter to what we want to do when we feel so miserable and hopeless.
Also, even light exercise can generate physiological changes that help clear our mind, lift our spirit, and careful mindful attention to our breathing makes a difference, too.
But forgive yourself if/when you have days when you do less, or when you just need a total day of rest.
You are doing your best with the tools and knowledge you have right now (to paraphrase Maya Angelou).
Remember that and be proud of yourself.❤️
There are some wonderful books, some will speak to you others will not. In my first hospitalization, we used a daily meditation book with a simple short positive affirmation to focus our thoughts. However, the irony is that at the very time we need to be able to read, process, hear, and express ourselves, our mind has trouble concentrating, focusing, and functioning as it should.
Our brain is powerful -- it can work against us or for us... so use anything that speaks to you in a calming way. There is meditation, biofeedback, faith-based scriptures or quotes, prayer, guided imagery, calming breathing techniques, self-hypnosis, positive affirmations, etc.
The simple act of writing 3 things we're grateful for, for 21 days consecutively, has been found to actually create measurable changes in our brain, and it lifts our spirit. Nothing is too simple or too small to add to our list of gratitudes.
Also, there's something called "guided active journaling, or speed or timed journaling" (different from keeping a daily journal), which can give us incredibly helpful insight and allow us to let out and let go of things hard to express.
Here's one discussion about this:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/journal-therapy
This process toward healing can be hard... sometimes feels impossible.
But it can get so, so much better, with work, determination, love, and support.
Not everything works for all, so find those things that resonate. Hold onto hope. Ignore the negative voices, the negative people. They are dealing with their own demons and their power is minuscule compared to yours.
I know, in my heart, that this is going to be worthwhile for you. You are strong and brave. You deserve joy, peace, and comfort and you will find them. You can do this. You are not alone. Remember that. Hold onto that. You're in my prayers, (((gemcd))). Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.❤️
Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
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