Community Chat

[NYC Susan]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@abbeythe 8th wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

I suppose it is all how you were raised.

I also can't imagine someone inviting people to the church but not the reception, but now a days anything goes. Emily Post would have a heart attack if she read some of the posts on this board.

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Yes a lot of it does depend on how we were raised.  And clearly some of us were raised to be gracious guests, and not to have the expectation that everyone else will plan their special occasions exactly the way that we want them to do.  I was raised to believe that sharing in the joy of a couple's wedding is a good and precious thing.  Regardless of how much money they spend, how much they've fallen all over themselves trying to impress me, or anything along those lines.  

I'm sure Emily Post would be quite distressed at some of the attitutudes toward weddings here, most especially the negativity and ill will revolving around simply receiving an invitation.

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You hit the nail on the head with your response.

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Well, I was raised to think of others.  

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You completely missed the point of my post.

But that's fine.

[tedEbear]

  @Puzzle Piece----thats mine, after planning the doggone thing for 18months!!!!!  -----------tedEbear

[NYC Susan]

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@abbeythe 8th wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

I suppose it is all how you were raised.

I also can't imagine someone inviting people to the church but not the reception, but now a days anything goes. Emily Post would have a heart attack if she read some of the posts on this board.

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Yes a lot of it does depend on how we were raised.  And clearly some of us were raised to be gracious guests, and not to have the expectation that everyone else will plan their special occasions exactly the way that we want them to do.  I was raised to believe that sharing in the joy of a couple's wedding is a good and precious thing.  Regardless of how much money they spend, how much they've fallen all over themselves trying to impress me, or anything along those lines.  

I'm sure Emily Post would be quite distressed at some of the attitutudes toward weddings here, most especially the negativity and ill will revolving around simply receiving an invitation.

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You hit the nail on the head with your response.

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Thank you very much, Abbey!

[NYC Susan]

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@reiki604 wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

I suppose it is all how you were raised.

I also can't imagine someone inviting people to the church but not the reception, but now a days anything goes. Emily Post would have a heart attack if she read some of the posts on this board.

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Yes a lot of it does depend on how we were raised.  And clearly some of us were raised to be gracious guests, and not to have the expectation that everyone else will plan their special occasions exactly the way that we want them to do.  I was raised to believe that sharing in the joy of a couple's wedding is a good and precious thing.  Regardless of how much money they spend, how much they've fallen all over themselves trying to impress me, or anything along those lines.  

I'm sure Emily Post would be quite distressed at some of the attitutudes toward weddings here, most especially the negativity and ill will revolving around simply receiving an invitation.

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Brava!  The wedding and the day is all about the couple. Guests are there to celebrate their union and wish them a joyous life. As a guest it is my decision if I want to join them in their celebration and regardless of my decision, I am honored to have been included in their decision of who they wanted to celebrate with. A wedding is a celebration of hope and love. I refuse to allow the darker emotions cloud my experience. Negative people should stay home and not throw a damper on a day full of light and love.

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Thank you!  I love a good "Brava!"  :-)  And I say, "Brava!" back to you too.

Like you, I'm always happy to be invited.  I haven't attended every wedding I've been invited to, but I'm always glad to be on the guest list, and have missed very few.  I've never regretted going, and was always happy to be there - no matter what kind of wedding it was, no matter how far I traveled, and I never once sat back with arms folded waiting to see if they were going to make it worth my while!

 I've been to everything from a super-casual pool party wedding in a friend's backyard (far from where I live, 25 people, mostly kids, hamburgers & hot dogs, the bride wore a shirt over a bathing suit, not one thing the slightest bit fancy about this wedding) to weekend-long, extremely extravagant weddings at some of the most expensive venues in the world with paparazzi waiting outside.  And everything in between.  In every case, I felt honored to be there to share in the couple's joy and to wish them well.  Every single time.

And yes, as you said, if anyone is feeling so negatively about a wedding, PLEASE stay home.   The couple should be surrounded by people who are there simply to share in their joy and celebrate with family and friends.  Anyone unwilling to let the negativity go should spare everyone, and not attend. 

[CouponQueen]

While it may be a done deal...it sounds very selfish to me...that they won't take into consideration location and travel. Who wants to travel ONE HOUR back to your hotel after a wedding?

I don't think they will have to worry about the cost as other then immediate family not many are going to make that trip..Most go to the wedding and have a meal with a few drinks..and hopefully nobody is going to be foolish enough to drive in a mountain town after that.

I wouldn't even mention it on Save the Date since you or they are not paying for it..those attending will have to make their own reservations and I find it tacky to put on a Save the Date about the hotel not saving the rooms..etc..

[151949]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

A guests comfort and wellbeing does NOT mean that one should break the bank to have the party of the century.

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And where in my post did I say they should break the bank  to have the party of the century??????? Since you are using my words and all.....

[stevieb]

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@Sooner wrote:

I would find another venue if it were me.  Chances are the guests will have to put down a non-refundable desposit in that case.  I think it is a lot to ask of a guest unless they are VERY close to the couple.  

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I agree.

I always send my 'regrets' to 'destination wedding' invitations, unless the destination is one of personal interest to me. Personally, I think folks make way too much out of what should be simply a meaningful ceremony. I get it that couples, brides in particular it seems, and probably just as often, families, want to plan something 'unique', but really, other than the principles, no one wants their entire life derailed by someone else's wedding nor do most folks want to incur a big expense just to see the happy couple say 'I do'...

[Melania]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@ValuSkr wrote:

Following so much controversy, I think the couple should hold a small, private wedding or else elope.  Some people will send gifts regardless, so no worries there.

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Why should they hold a small wedding, or elope?  It has nothing to do with who will or won't send gifts.   It's about a couple having the kind of wedding that they want.  

The only controversy I see is on these forums.  In real life, I've never heard of people being so judgmental about this kind of thing (which is clearly not their decision to make),  or so offended by simply being invited to a wedding.

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Susan, you have nailed it yet again!!

It seesm to me the selfish ones are the guests here expecting to be catered to and propped up and begged to come. Wow!!

Do the the couple a favor and stay home with that attitude when you get the next invite.

We are in the midst of wedding plans and I am grateful we don't have these kind of people in our lives. 

[colliegirls]

A wedding is about bringing together two families, including the grooms! ( we all need to stop perpetuating the idea that it is about the bride, many times the grooms side is all but ignored).  When my son got married, they took into consideration the venue and location for their elderly grandparents and our relative in a wheelchair.  A wedding is not about any ONE person.

[Lipstickdiva]

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@muttmom wrote:

@missy1

I was not addressing this wedding, rather a particular post. 

Weddings always cause controversy.  My feeling is it is a potential guests option to decline an invitation. 

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What I found even more rude was her response when asked if she would attend.  Instead of graciously declining,  she had to say she couldn't afford to go for a "one day party." 

A wedding is a lot more than a one day party.  What a rude response.