Community Chat

[violann]

The "rule" actually applied to the reception. If the invitation was JUST for the ceremony, a gift was not obligatory, but if invited to both the wedding and reception you were expected to cough up.

Wedding etiquette really has changed a lot in the last couple generations.

[muttmom]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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cannot say i have EVER heard of this "rule."

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There is another part to that rule. If you are invited, even if you do not attend, you must give a cash gift at least equivalent to the cost per person of the venue.  This is in accordance to the QVC Forum's Wedding Etiquette Rules.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@muttmom wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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cannot say i have EVER heard of this "rule."

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There is another part to that rule. If you are invited, even if you do not attend, you must give a cash gift at least equivalent to the cost per person of the venue.  This is in accordance to the QVC Forum's Wedding Etiquette Rules.

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lol!

[sunshine45]

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violann wrote:

The "rule" actually applied to the reception. If the invitation was JUST for the ceremony, a gift was not obligatory, but if invited to both the wedding and reception you were expected to cough up.

Wedding etiquette really has changed a lot in the last couple generations.

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 i would never have NOT invited friends and family to both the reception and the wedding itself. i also never consider a gift as an "obligation."......and i am 53 years old.

[sunshine45]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@muttmom wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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cannot say i have EVER heard of this "rule."

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There is another part to that rule. If you are invited, even if you do not attend, you must give a cash gift at least equivalent to the cost per person of the venue.  This is in accordance to the QVC Forum's Wedding Etiquette Rules.

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lol!

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LOL @muttmom !

[missy1]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@violann wrote:

The "rule" actually applied to the reception. If the invitation was JUST for the ceremony, a gift was not obligatory, but if invited to both the wedding and reception you were expected to cough up.

Wedding etiquette really has changed a lot in the last couple generations.

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 i would never have NOT invited friends and family to both the reception and the wedding itself. i also never consider a gift as an "obligation."......and i am 53 years old.

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For me personally, the gift was them coming.

[Sooner]

If you are having a destination wedding I would think a "no gifts please" note would be appropriate and much appreciated.

[KarenQVC]

The "no gifts" is good because then the couple doesn't look greedy.  Also, a casual dinner the night before and a nice brunch the day after the wedding would seem the decent thing to do.  I would consider a nice gift basket be placed in the guests' rooms, too.  It is just the gracious thing to do for all the time and $ the guests are spending.  It would make Destination Weddings more palatable.

[Kjelle]

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@151949 wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

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An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

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Once invited you are obligated for a gift if you attend or not.

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Nothing obligates one to send a gift. The very idea of this negates the meaning of the word "gift."  I can't imagine where this idea came from. 

[Kjelle]

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@KarenQVC wrote:

Oh, good grief, what is wrong with expecting a blowout reception if guests are expected to drag themselves over hill and dale?  If the venue is all that, let the fine champagne flow like water.

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The only expectation you should really have is supporting the couple, celebrating their love, and helping to bring the blessings of community into their new blessed Union. Where does all this entitlement come from???