Community Chat

[151949]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

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An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

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Once invited you are obligated for a gift if you attend or not.

[Suziepeach]

Sorry to anyone this might offend but it's early..

[HarDee]

missy1, yes the wedding and reception are at the same place.

I do appreciate all the replies!   Along with the "save the date" will be information on what hotels, rentals, etc can be booked in the town the wedding is taking place in, and that  will be sent out early so guests can plan ahead.

I sent letters to our families and one of my sil emailed back the same day saying they already found accommodations for the big day.

Someone mentioned the groom in a reply. This was the groom's top choice out of all the places visited. They both made the decision and they both were told the turn out might not be as big due to where the wedding was at.  

Thanks again!

[Carmie]

Fallsnow56,  I think your ideas are fine.  A list of available hotels with addresses and phone numbers would be fine to send with save the date notices with instructions to book early.

Congratulations to the couple on their upcoming wedding.

[KarenQVC]

I have resolved not to attend any more Destination Weddings unless I really want to go.  No more of this daughter of a friend stuff.  Just say no, don't save the date, and forget to send a gift.  My own protest against the wedding industry I guess.

[KarenQVC]

Oh, good grief, what is wrong with expecting a blowout reception if guests are expected to drag themselves over hill and dale?  If the venue is all that, let the fine champagne flow like water.

[missy1]

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@151949 wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

---

@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

---

An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

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Once invited you are obligated for a gift if you attend or not.

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Obligated?   nope

[Plaid Pants2]

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@missy1 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

---

@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

---

An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

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Once invited you are obligated for a gift if you attend or not.

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Obligated?   nope

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Agreed. Nobody is "obligated" to do anything.

[proudlyfromNJ]

If we don't attend the wedding and it is close friends or family, I will send a gift. If it is a casual friend, I will not.

[sunshine45]

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@151949 wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

---

@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

---

An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

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Once invited you are obligated for a gift if you attend or not.

cannot say i have EVER heard of this "rule."

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