wedding accommodation question - Page 17

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Melania wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ValuSkr wrote:
Following so much controversy, I think the couple should hold a small, private wedding or else elope. Some people will send gifts regardless, so no worries there.
Why should they hold a small wedding, or elope? It has nothing to do with who will or won't send gifts. It's about a couple having the kind of wedding that they want.

The only controversy I see is on these forums. In real life, I've never heard of people being so judgmental about this kind of thing (which is clearly not their decision to make), or so offended by simply being invited to a wedding.
Susan, you have nailed it yet again!!

It seesm to me the selfish ones are the guests here expecting to be catered to and propped up and begged to come. Wow!!
Do the the couple a favor and stay home with that attitude when you get the next invite.

We are in the midst of wedding plans and I am grateful we don't have these kind of people in our lives.

Thank you, @Melania !

And you're exactly right about who is being selfish. I'm not sure what's so difficult about simply declining an invitation to something that's not personally appealing. The criticism and harping is beyond my understanding.

If I invite someone to a cocktail party for New Year's Eve, and they think I should be having a full-course, sit-down dinner instead, then it's their right to decline the invitation. This is what I want to do and this is what I'm offering. Accept or decline. And it's exactly the same for a wedding. If it's going to be too expensive to go, don't go. If you're upset that it's going to be too large, too small, only family, not just family, whatever is bothering you, then don't go. It really couldn't be easier!

When I travel for a wedding, I usually have no idea how extravagant it's going to be. I don't ask a million nosy questions in order to ascertain if it's going to be worth the money I'm spending. All social events are supposed to be about the people - and weddings most of all.

Like you, I am very grateful that I don't have these kind of people in my life. Good luck with your wedding plans! How exciting!!!

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

While I did not read all 17 pages of comments, I had two different thought that might work (and might have been mentioned).

1) You can hold or block rooms in the mountain town. Fine, that makes perfect sense and is standard in tourist areas. Can you just "book" 10 or so rooms and put down a deposit as needed? This is close family and friends and you can probably figure out how many rooms you will "definitely" need. Book the rooms so that grandma and uncle Bob have a place to stay near the venue. Tell them the arrangement once the invitations go out and deal with reimbursement later. This is a wedding, you have people you want to attend so book the rooms with your credit card now.

2) Can you get the invitations done NOW rather than save the date? Yes, it may be early but when I receive invitations for destination weddings they are EARLY. Few people can pull off a trip to Italy 6-weeks prior to the wedding... You need more than a save the date if you are going to ask people to travel and make arrangements. Just do the invitations.

My suggestions are based on my personal opinion that I wouldn't want a "save the date" with hotel information and venue on it...it's about 1 step away from being an actual invitation at that point, so just get the invitations out early or if you can't, book the rooms and get reimbursed later.

just my $0.02.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@colliegirls wrote:
A wedding is about bringing together two families, including the grooms! ( we all need to stop perpetuating the idea that it is about the bride, many times the grooms side is all but ignored). When my son got married, they took into consideration the venue and location for their elderly grandparents and our relative in a wheelchair. A wedding is not about any ONE person.

I agree! But I haven't seen anyone here post anything to the contrary.

I've planned several weddings, and in every case the groom and his family were very much involved, my own wedding many years ago included. My FIL-to-be was in a wheelchair, and of course we took that into consideration when choosing a venue. That's kind of a no-brainer to me. Why would we not have?

I've also been in several weddings (as bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc), and in very case both families were actively involved in the planning, In fact, when my college roommate got married, it was the groom who was knee-deep in the details, much more so than my roommate, the bride. He and her mom did the bulk of the planning, with input from the bride and his parents too. With some couples, the bride has specific ideas about what she wants, and with others it's the groom. Or (usually) it's both of them. But in any case, the day is certainly not about just one person, and I think most people are well aware of that.

I've never known a groom who didn't have input into his wedding, and I've never seen a groom's family ignored. A big part of the joy of weddings is exactly what you said - two families being brought together. I can't think of any wedding I've ever been to where that wasn't enthusistically celebrated.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
Does no one know the meaning of guest? The wedding is not all about the couple when guests are invited. When you invite someone to be your guest you accept the responsibility to provide them with a pleasant experience. No guest should be expected to endure unpleasantness just for the privilege of witnessing two inconsiderate people exchange vows.

A lot of people don't view traveling for a wedding as "enduring unpleasantness". If you do, then don't go.

And couples are not inconsiderate just because the way they've planned their wedding doesn't appeal to you. Trust me, these weddings that are so offensive to some people are very appealing to many, many others. I've been to more weddings than I can count, and I've traveled for many of them. I've never not had a pleasant experience and I've never not felt appreciated as a guest

No one here said that "it's all about the couple". Just that they're entitled to get married where they want. Wedding planning is very, very focused on the guests who attend. If you can't be there or don't want to be there, that's fine. But if a couple wants to get married somewhere that is meaningful to them or somewhere that appeals to them, I have no problem with that. I might or might not attend, but it's their wedding, not mine.

Just as it's not all about the couple, it's also not all about a guest who thinks that someone else's wedding has to fit their idea of what and where it should be. Thankfully, most people are not like that.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
This isn't about red carpets. There are situations that are universally unpleasant like expecting guests to stay at a hotel an hour from the venue.

"Universally unpleasant"?? So you're speaking for everyone now?

I could not disagree more.