Community Chat

[Kjelle]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@Kjelle wrote:

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@fallsnow56 wrote:

We are planning a wedding for our daughter that will take place in a mountain town during tourist season.  We have called hotels and have been told that since this is high tourist season they will not do room blocks or hold rooms like they would closer to town. If we send out Save the Dates early with a site where rooms can be booked in the mountain town and advise to book early are we good?  The closest town to the venue is an hour away.  Do we attempt to hold rooms there and provide a map to the venue? Thanks in advance.  Have never done this before! 

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I think you should send the cards along with the info on the block of rooms in the larger town and info that it is difficult further in. I think people will understand this but the worst thing that you need to avoid is not providing something like activity and food whenever people will be at the wedding site or attendant activities and there is a gap. They cannot make it back to their rooms to change or for food. Maybe you could book two rooms closer in that are Ladies Rooms. Just a place Ladies can go to change, use a bathroom, take care of babies etc. The uests will appreciate it and think it is a touch of class and thoughtfulness. Guys need a place too, but they are more adaptable. Plus if the wife is okay the husband will be more calm also. 

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That's a thought, but how many couples would be willing to stay in seperate hotels?

I'm just asking.

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@Plaid Pants2 The Ladies rooms are not to stay in. Just places to go in and out of when they are an hour away from their hotel room. A place to repair makeup, replace buttons - like a lounge space. Two communicating hotel rooms would be a good choice for this, that way there would be 2 bathrooms. They could provide a place for guys too like I said, but they maybe only need one room. They are not as fussy and they don't need as much time in the bathroom.

[occasionalrain]

The couple gain advantages by having a destination wedding in that many unable to attend will send gifts while the couple will avoid the expense of entertaining them and, for that reason, their guest list can be extensive, filled with those they know will decline.

In effect, the ultimate in gift grabs.

[NYC Susan]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

if there will be a lot of people attending the wedding and staying at the hotel that is further away, perhaps you can get a nice bus or mini-van for them to get to the wedding and to bring them back home? that way they can just relax for that hour on the bus instead of needing to rent a car or worry about the drive. it may be something that the hotel already has OR something the bride and groom could look into. that way it may not be as much of an inconvenience.

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Great suggestion!  I've been to many weddings where this was done. Transportation was provided from the hotel to the venue, and then back again to the hotel.  

For my niece's wedding in the suburbs of NYC last year, there were blocks of rooms set aside at 3 different hotels.  One was close to the venue, one was a little further away, and the third was in NYC.  (The guests who stayed in NYC were mostly out-of-towners who wanted to see the city, extend their trip, etc.)   The hotels varied in price, so guests were able to choose the hotel they wanted, keeping their own budget and personal preferences in mind.  Bus transportation was provided to and from all 3 hotels. Some people opted to drive to the venue and back, but lots of people took the buses.  It can be a fun time on the bus, and no one has to worry about driving in an unfamiliar area, not being able to drink at the wedding, getting lost, being late, etc.

I think that in this situation it's a really good idea.

[NYC Susan]

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@151949 wrote:

When ever weddings are discussed on this board I am always amazed at the number of posters who seem to feel the sky is the limit on what someone should be willing to pay to be a guest at their wedding.Apparently many of the posters here have unlimited financial resources. Good for you all. 

We have a close family friend whose daughter is getting married in San Deigo this summer. The bride's Mom asked me if there was a chance we would go and I said no , we can't afford it for a one afternoon party. She was very understanding and said she is made a list of everyone she wanted to invite but is limited on space at the venue so she is asking all those on the A list if they are planning to actually attend so she can move up people from the B list if they aren't. She said it makes her sad how few of the oldest friends and family can't attend but the bride and groom had their hearts set on this venue in California. That is the chance you take with a destination wedding.

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An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance.  No one is forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do, and no one is telling anyone to spend money they don't want to spend.

If I'm invited to a wedding, I don't see it as people telling me what I should be willing to pay.  I see it as an invitation to attend their wedding.  That's all.  If I want to go, if I'm able to go, if I can afford to go, I do.  If not, I don't.  With no ill will.  It's their day, and they can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It's my choice if I attend or not.  Exactly the same as any other kind of invitation.

I've missed weddings because of the expense, because I couldn't get time off from work, because it conflicted with something else, all sorts of reasons.  But I never saw the need to get snarky just because someone else's wedding plans didn't work well for me.

[NYC Susan]

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@Lipstickdiva wrote:

I think some posters need to read the entire thread before resonding.  The OP already stated they are only inviting nearest and dearest.  She has also already stated that they tried to talk the couple out of this venue on this date but they had their heart set on it.

A shuttle to and from is a good idea but I don't know that you will get a hotel to shuttle to a veue that is an hour away from the hotel.  Also just a word of advice if you do that, just make sure everyone is clear on what time the shuttle will leave the venue to take guests back to the hotel.  We attended a wedding last year and stayed at a hotel that was about 10 minutes from the venue.  The hotel provided a shuttle.  The wedding ended at midnight and that shuttle left AT MIDNIGHT.  Many, many people came out of the venue expecting the shuttle and it was gone.  There were a lot of people scrambling to try and find a ride back to the hotel.  It was a little bit of a mess.  

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There's a difference between using a hotel shuttle and hiring a luxury bus (which is what several of us have suggested).  For one thing, a bus absolutely will travel an hour  - and much further than that.

The situation you described is terrible!  I've never seen that happen, but I've only ever been in situations where buses were hired.  It's all very carefully planned, no one is ever rushed, and the timing is worked out so that the guests can enjoy not only the entire wedding, but also have time afterward to say their goodbyes, visit the rest rooms, etc.  Buses typically wait awhile even after guests are on board at the end of the night.  And there's usually some sort of accounting so no one is left behind.  I've never seen people looking at their watches or worried about missing the bus.  There's no need.  The whole point is to make things easy for guests, and I've never seen it not work out that way.

I think I'd be wary of using a hotel shuttle because it might also be needed for regular hotel business (runs to the airport or whatever) that same night.  Hiring a bus that is dedicated just to your event is a better way to go, IMO.  I'm not saying hotel shuttles can't be good too, but I think hiring a bus would get more professional results, and therefore provide better peace of mind.

[NYC Susan]

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@muttmom wrote:

@missy1

I was not addressing this wedding, rather a particular post. 

Weddings always cause controversy.  My feeling is it is a potential guests option to decline an invitation. 

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Yes, of course!  It's really as simple as that.

[NYC Susan]

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@Daisy wrote:

We never thought of having a destination wedding and I would never ask people to "Save the date".

We had our wedding in a central location where it was convenient because we hoped everyone would be able to attend.

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"Save the Date" is a courtesy, to let people know the date of an upcoming wedding.  Guests are not being told that they must protect that date and that they must not dare do anything else that day!  It's an easy way to let people know that a date has been set, and I don't see anything wrong with that.  You're still free to attend or not attend.  It's not as though receiving one of those cards means there's no way out.

It makes perfect sense to me that a couple planning a wedding would want to give a heads-up to increase the chances that people they care about will be able to join them on their special day.  Personally, I appreciate knowing in advance.  If it's a wedding that I want to attend, it's helpful because I won't make plans for something else that same day.

I'm just not seeing how sending "Save the Date" cards is a bad thing.  I think it's actually a considerate thing to do, and completely harmless.

[NYC Susan]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

If you plan a wedding that requires most/all guests to travel a distance and stay at a hotel then the reception better be exceptional aka over the top to justify the expense your guests incur.

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Wow!  Really?  I've been to many, many weddings where I had to travel and stay in a hotel, and I've never had an expectation like that.

Some of them have been extraordinary, full-blown multi-day celebrations, and others have been quite simple.  In every case I was there to see people I care about get married.  It's not supposed to be about how over-the-top or extravagant the reception is.  It should be about being with family and friends, and sharing in the joy of a couple's special day.

[Suziepeach]

Hmmmm I see my joke/funny about them maybe eloping was deleted.  It was just a joke and not unkind, not in comparison to some posts on other threads I've seen allowed. 

[Hayfield]

You've gotten some good advice here and you mentioned that you've only invited your "nearest & dearest" to this wedding and I'm sure if you let them know the circumstances ahead of time, they will understand.  I've always made every effort to attend any wedding I was invited to as I feel it's a honor to be included.  Offering to provide a bus to take everyone to and from the venue is a wonderful idea that someone brought up.  I've never been invited to a destination wedding but I've been to plenty of out of town weddings and yes, I had to get a hotel and had other expenses.  We always made a little "mini vacation" out it when we could.  I never expected anyone else to pay my expenses.  There were other times when I couldn't attend and send my regrets and sent a lovely gift.   The Save the Date is just a way of letting the guests know about the wedding and the date, it's not a order to attend.  This way, if you would like to attend, you don't plan a vaction, etc.  I love Save the Dates. 

Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy planning this very special day with your daughter!  The most important thing to remember is, that no matter what you do, you're not going to please everyone!  Congratulations!