Community Chat

[chrystaltree]

Why in the world would a person bring a gift when the invitation stipulated no gifts?  I don't understand that, no one I know would be so rude.  You acted appropriately, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.  You need a better class of friends...lol   Including the host, since the invitation said no gifts, the gifts should not have been opened at the party.  To avoid embarrassing the guests who acted like adults and did not take a gift.

[Kitlynn]

I think a lot of times people put no gifts please because as you get older you don't want people to feel obligated or you just don't want a lot of things. I also think there is nothing wrong if someone wants to bring a gift for the person who is being celebrated. Now that being said I do think the appropriate thing to do is have a table in a space out of the main area where presents and cards that are brought can be set aside and opened at a later time. We just went to one of these type of parties for one of our close friends. The hostess just took the cards and gifts as people came in and did exactly what I said above and no one thought anything about it as nothing was mentioned about them.

[NickNack]

I think you did the right thing.  My sister and I had a surprise 80th birthday party for my father nine years ago.  We put "no gifts please" on the invitation, and no one brought one.  We invited around 50 people.  He did get a lot of cards, which were nice, but we seriously didn't want gifts.

[Mominohio]

THis is a constant battle on this forum, as the the 'correct' thing to do.

I say that people often ask for 'no gifts' because they have too much stuff, or don't want to burden people financially to come to their event. 

I think if you are afraid you will be caught looking odd as the only one (or one of few) who didn't get something, then take along something small, keep it in the car to use if you feel the need to. 

I refuse to get cranked about people bringing a gift when asked not to. A nice card with a personal note is always nice, a gift of giving to the person's favorite charity in their name is good too. Some kind of gift that would be used up is great for many as well, because they have reached the place they don't want more things to keep and store, but love experiences (tickets to the symphony) or things they can use up (favorite foods, flowers, wine etc.).

The gifts I find a complete waste of money are the gag gifts. They are thrown out or donated, often in poor taste in mixed company with people having different ideas about what is and isn't funny, and oftentimes people feel they have to laugh and pretend it is amusing, when it isn't.  

I wouldn't feel bad if the invitation specifically said no gifts, but I agree it does feel odd to be 'the only one'. 

And I feel people who get upset when small gifts are given even after asking not to do so, are simply petty and don't know how to graciously accept a small gift and be happy to be thought of. 

If you really want to give a gift, and no one else did bring one as requested, you can leave it with them at the end of the night, discretely so as not to make it obvious to the others in attendance. 

[Peaches McPhee]

Never be embarrassed for doing the right thing, even if everyone around you has not.

[bonnielu]

Same thing for us.  Our daughters gave us an almost surprise annniversary party. I handed over the invite list and insisted that there be no gifts.  And then I figured someone would bring something and I wanted to get ahead of the game.  One of our guests runs a charity--- handing out food to the needy--- in honor of their son who  had an untimely death.  So I made sure the invite offered a choice... no gifts or give gifts to this charity instead.  (cash donations).  Well my friend was able to fund her efforts and I was proud that I could in some way help her out.  

[occasionalrain]

I can't understand how anyone would think it anything but presumptuous, inappropriate, rude to bring a gift, no matter how small, when specifically told they were unwanted. Would they bring along a spouse to a party for employees only?  Would they attend a party to which they weren't invited? Well, no gifts means that gifts weren't invited.

[chrystaltree]

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wrote:

I can't understand how anyone would think it anything but presumptuous, inappropriate, rude to bring a gift, no matter how small, when specifically told they were unwanted. Would they bring along a spouse to a party for employees only?  Would they attend a party to which they weren't invited? Well, no gifts means that gifts weren't invited.

Yes...they would do that because rude is rude and there's an underlying selfishness to it all.  I do believe in this case, opening the gifts was actually worse than the people who ignored the invitation and brought gifts with them.  

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[LexPex]

I agree totally with queendiva.  It was rude for the "birthday person" to have opened the gifts.  This not a bridal nor baby shower.

We had a large party for my DH with a "no Gifts" request and about almost all of the people brought a gift....whether a giift card, wine, scratch cards etc.  We took them and put them away.  My DH would have never opened them in front of everyone.

Most people who write "NO Gifts" really donn't want people to feel like they are obligated  to bring a gift but usually gifts.  are always appreciated .

Personally, I would never go to a party without a gift.....a coffee card, restaurant GC etc

[Hayfield]

Why did he open the gifts in front of people when they stated "no gifts", just nicely accept the gift and open it later, not in front of everyone and write the people who brought you a gift a thank you note.