Community Chat

[BeccaLou]

Stop for awhil, and see if he mentions it. Maybe he feels bad that he can't by for you . He amy be get AlsheimerJust maybe ask him why.

[OnlyShopsOnline]

Don’t get me wrong. I love getting gifts. I just don’t like my daughter to spend money on me. She and my SIL are raising my two beautiful grand babies, have a mortgage on a new home, and she won’t be returning to work for a few more years.  I don’t want them to have to buy gifts when there isn’t anything I need. 

My my husband and I get much more pleasure when we are able to treat the four of them over the holidays.  

I told her that when she is financially settled, she can shower me with gifts lol!  

[NorthernLights]

I sort of view this thru the prism of my grandparents stories about their lives. We are talking about people who lived thru the great depression and one or both of the world wars. You did without, you saved when you could, clothes were made out of flour sacks...and if you were either lucky or had more money you could make the prints on the flour sacks match for an entire piece of clothing you were sewing. 

They don't ask for help but they will help you. They don't accept gifts not because they aren't gracious...it's because they are. Because of what they went thru they never want their family spending money on them.

I don't know if that's everyone elses experience with older relatives but it is mine. My grandmother was sent as a grade school child to basically be a house maid. So in her case it was hard to accept a gift. Not because she didn't want it, but because she didn't want anyone to go without.

[qvcaddition]

I was born in 1936.  Got one toy at Christmas if I was lucky.  I wish my kids or Grandkids would give me a gift.  I am a big gift giver through the years because I loved to see their faces light up.  I even give to friends, especially to those that have no one.  Then one day a friend said to me, "NOW I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING".  Do you know how much that hurt?  I give because I want to, not because I have to or want something.  Most of the people, except family, that I gave to would not be someone I see regularly.

Now family n ever gives me any presents for BD or Christmas.  Then they complain about me spending money on QVC.  I buy myself gifts and wrap them for Christmas and BE.  No more for family or friends. I give to the Humane society.  Money well spent.

[Yardlie]

@Plaid Pants2 ... I know what you are saying. People who grew up during the Depression are often used to doing with very little. My mother is 93 and obviously grew up during that time also. She and my dad worked hard and were fortunate enough to make it big in the stock market, so she can afford whatever she wants. My dad is gone now, and my mother lives with us. She would wear 40 year old clothing if we let her...even though she lost about five inches in height in the last 40 years. She throws nothing out. She asks for very little. She has developed some dementia now so isn't aware when my husband and I toss or donate old clothing and other things. It's amazing the things she wants to patch up, pin together, duct tape together, have shortened, or otherwise have repaired. Between Christmas, birthdays, and Mother's Day, she almost gets a whole new wardrobe from her daughters every year. She always says, "I have too many clothes. Save your money." I give up telling her that styles change. She doesn't really care about style, so I help her select the clothing that she wears every day.

[qualitygal]

@Plaid Pants2, you know what I found out about gifting the folks?  They can't get out to shop to payback so to speak.  Even with that not being the intention.  BTDT.  Best to wait until they ask for something.  It just seems to be the way it is or was in my case.

[Yahooey]

During the summer, my 92 yr old dad was wearing threadbare and loose ill fitting ribbed tanks. I said I will biuy him some new ones. He replied YES. I bought several packs from Jockey. I asked my mom if he wearing them. She relayed what was said to her from my dad. It is too tight and I like them loose. It was a medium which he always wore throughout his life and he is probably a small now. So it wasn't tight - just not misshapen  hobo tanks. 

My mom showed me all the NEW packs of underwear along with pajamas I have bought over the years. sigh

[Tinkrbl44]

---

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

My dad is a Depression Era baby, born in 1927.

Whenever I think that he could use something, if I can afford it, I'll get it for him.

I'm happy to do that.

Recently, I got him a nice, warm blanket.

What did he do with it?

He used it as a couch cover.

*Sigh*

So, I bought him a couch cover.

Actually, he has a futon, but it functions as a couch.

Also, these apartments doesn't have a ceiling light in the living room, so I got him a torchier(sp) floor lamp.

When I gave it to him, he said, "I wish you wouldn't spend your money on me!".

Parents!

*LOL*

What are you going to do?

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@Plaid Pants2

Oh boy ... my Dad has been gone for a few years now, but it looks like your Dad is from that same Depression-era stock.

I always felt badly when he would "reject" our gifts or complain when we bought him something.  He really didn't know how to graciously accept a gift ... no matter how small.   Over the years, my stepmother wore him down a bit, and I developed a sense of humor.

I finally found the most success with very practical gifts.  A gift card for his favorite restaurant produced almost no resistance.    He loved the old time westerns and old comedy teams and my sisters bought him DVD sets of some of the old shows.   Since he lived in WNY, right at Lake Erie, the winters were long & cold, and large puzzles were actually enjoyed on snowy weekends.

Dad also loved to do DIY jobs and was quite the handyman for things around the house.  One year my sisters & I got him a gift card for his favorite hardware store.   Well, they didn't have "gift cards" there, so the owner wrote a really nice letter on business stationery, saying he had $300 on "his account".    Dad then LOVED going to the hardware store and selecting what he needed, and saying "Put it on my account, Charlie".  LOL

One year I was absolutely stumped and made the mistake of asking what he wanted for his birthday.  Of course, he said oh don't spend my money on him, just get him a nice card.   Well, I decided one card wasn't enough, so I bought about TEN really funny birthday cards (some from the dollar store) and started mailing them about a week before his birthday, one at a time, every couple days!   Cracked everybody up ... including his mail man!   A couple of the cards were signed "The Phantom".   

Clearly, your post brought back a lot of memories!

Regardless of what you do, be sure to give him a big hug and tell him how happy you are that he's still here on earth!   

[Susan in California]

@Tinkrbl44

I enjoyed reading about your dad, and the clever way you reacted to his comment about getting him "...a nice card."  Very sweet.

My dad remarried after my mother's death (at age 55), and my step-mother was a lovely woman.  On their tenth anniversary, my husband and I decided to gift them a five day trip to Cabo San Lucas.  We were so excited about this.  Back then, I dealt with a

travel agency that was top notch in helping with such a trip.

My father was fairly well off, but we wanted to do something special for him (and his wife) in appreciation for the so many things he had done for us.

His reaction was much like your dad's "I don't want you to spend

your money on me (us)." 

My husband and I were young with a young son at the time, but we were able to afford this trip, and we wanted to do this.

Finally, he accepted the gift, and they went on the trip and enjoyed themselves (I believe). 

This was many years ago, but I am forever grateful to my dad

and think of him every day.

So when my now married sons try to do something special for us, I bite my tongue and try to accept without objecting to the cost. 

But those Depression-era people were really special.  They went through hardships and came out stronger.

[newagain888888]

Here’s a wise expression I’ve often heard from older family members who grew up during the Depression: “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”