Community Chat

[LilacTree]

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@queendiva wrote:

Maybe true for you, but I don't understand why it was a choice of money (alimony) or physical custody of the children. Many claim both- and the dog.

Decisions  need not and should not be made in a hurry. OP was married for 17 years. She needs to take plenty of time to learn what she is legally entitled to and understand that her choices will inpact all the days of her remaining life. Not easy, but very important.

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I bore no ill will toward my children's father.  I ended the marriage which impacted him in many negative ways.  He married me to have a family and I took that away from him, and then took his children away. 

When he would come on the weekends and take the children to his mother's or sister's house, I would watch him walk across the street to the parking lot carrying our youngest and trying to hold hands with the other three, also very young.  It tore my heart out.

My father offered me the opportunity to live with him and my brother.  We were not on the street.  I was not about to ask for money in the form of alimony in the divorce.  I did get a modest amount of child support.

He wound up marrying twice after that, his second wife gave him his son (we had all girls).  But that did not last long, presumably because she couldn't handle his issues either.

He died in January of this year after 15 years of heart attacks and stroke-related disabilities.  His third wife and her family adored him, which was what he always needed.  Unfortunately, he had moved to CA, 3,000 miles away and lived there for 40 years, slowly diminishing his relationship with all five of his children.  He paid for nothing for any of his children, although he was very well off for many of those years.  I guess he just shut out that part of his life.

So, what I am saying is divorce isn't always just about money.  At my age, looking back, I don't fault myself for leaving, as I can't imagine what my life would have been like had I stayed.  The saddest part is the emotional toll it took upon all of us which we endure right up to the present, and not over just because he is gone now.  It's a tragic thing.

[KateinOK]

Good for you, @kitten. Hugz and prayers your way.