Community Chat

[CaryH]

And not just joint accounts. Please put an alert on your credit report.

I divorced my husband after 22 years together and the thanks I get was that during our separation he opened several credit cards in my name and maxed them out and let his cheating partner spend till her hearts desire. And I didn't findout until too late. I was on the hook for paying every penny back.

If there is an alert on your credit/SSN # then an account can't be opened in your name until YOU give permission for it.

I wish you well in your new life. It's not easy but make the most of it by doing what makes YOU happy.

[LilacTree]

In my experience (and I have a LOT, not only myself, friends, family but also having worked for lawyers for half of my career and was married to one for a short time) . . . it is best to get everything UP FRONT that you can.  Go for a one time settlement amount if that is possible. 

Anything that is spread over years rarely works out.  He would have to be a very, very standup guy.  This is especially true if they remarry and the second wife gets into the picture. 

Obviously my prior posts indicate I did not do that, but my circumstances in both divorces precluded that option each for very different reasons.  However, I did put it to bed in both instances with the exception of the child support which, for anyone, is extremely difficult if not impossible to get all up front.  One has to hope the father cares enough about his kids that he remains faithful to that support for their sakes.

[Bibione]

I live in Indiana too.I  hope you get everything you want and find another man who can treat you better.

[HiLo]

At the beginning of a relationship some women think  that such a man can change; don't believe it.  It will never happen!

[Cats3000]

You were married to him for 17 years.  At any time during those 17 years did you talk to him?  Did you ask him to go to counseling with you?  Did you go to couseling on your own?  There can be hundreds of reasons why "this man is like he is".  At some point during your 17 year marriage, you should have sought help for him and for you to figure out what was going on.  You don't mention any children.  Are there any?  If there are, they're affected by this as well.  If there aren't any children, the process is less complicated.  In any event, I believe that divorce should be the last option only after everything to fix the marriage has been tried and has failed.

[Ms X]

Not to be crass, but how old is the dog?  They live for not too much longer than 10 years.  If you gave up financial assets that would secure your future in order to get the dog, you might be high and dry and without a dog not too many years from now.  Think of your future as well as your dog.

[Tinkrbl44]

---

@Cats3000 wrote:

You were married to him for 17 years.  At any time during those 17 years did you talk to him?  Did you ask him to go to counseling with you?  Did you go to couseling on your own?  There can be hundreds of reasons why "this man is like he is".  At some point during your 17 year marriage, you should have sought help for him and for you to figure out what was going on.  You don't mention any children.  Are there any?  If there are, they're affected by this as well.  If there aren't any children, the process is less complicated.  In any event, I believe that divorce should be the last option only after everything to fix the marriage has been tried and has failed.

---

@Cats3000     

While that is a very nice theory, you are ignoring one key point here ..... a marriage can be worked on and possibly saved ONLY if both people want that.   

No matter how badly one person might want to improve things, if the other doesn't care ..... or already has one foot out the door ....  there is NO possibility of salvaging the relationship.

When it comes to breakups, the person who cares least will "win".

[KingstonsMom]

---

@CaryH wrote:

And not just joint accounts. Please put an alert on your credit report.

I divorced my husband after 22 years together and the thanks I get was that during our separation he opened several credit cards in my name and maxed them out and let his cheating partner spend till her hearts desire. And I didn't findout until too late. I was on the hook for paying every penny back.

If there is an alert on your credit/SSN # then an account can't be opened in your name until YOU give permission for it.

I wish you well in your new life. It's not easy but make the most of it by doing what makes YOU happy.

---

@CaryH

VERY good advice!

[KingstonsMom]

---

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

---

@Cats3000 wrote:

You were married to him for 17 years.  At any time during those 17 years did you talk to him?  Did you ask him to go to counseling with you?  Did you go to couseling on your own?  There can be hundreds of reasons why "this man is like he is".  At some point during your 17 year marriage, you should have sought help for him and for you to figure out what was going on.  You don't mention any children.  Are there any?  If there are, they're affected by this as well.  If there aren't any children, the process is less complicated.  In any event, I believe that divorce should be the last option only after everything to fix the marriage has been tried and has failed.

---

@Cats3000     

While that is a very nice theory, you are ignoring one key point here ..... a marriage can be worked on and possibly saved ONLY if both people want that.   

No matter how badly one person might want to improve things, if the other doesn't care ..... or already has one foot out the door ....  there is NO possibility of salvaging the relationship.

When it comes to breakups, the person who cares least will "win".

---

@Tinkrbl44

Hi Tink! You are so right, the key word is that BOTH have to want to try to save the marriage!