Re: dealing with in-laws

janeec · ‎02-17-2013

I know how you feel. I have lived with comments like that for the last 37 years. My husband realized several years ago how demanding his mother was. You have to keep a sense of humor.

"What is the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Out-laws are wanted."

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

Have your Hubby tell his parents (nicely) that you are doing the best you can right now and the subject is closed...

AngelWhispers · ‎10-15-2010

@madie, I feel for you as this is a tough one and everyone has brought some good food for thought to the table. It is hard to keep the peace in the family and also try to cater to everyone's needs but the truth of the matter is that it cant always be done and there will be times when someone is going to end up feeling hurt or rejected or even disrespected. I think that you and the hubs need to have a good sit down talk. You need to really express how this is making you feel and how it is affecting you and the marriage (if that applies).

I agree that he needs to deal with his parents and let them know that their demands are not always going to be met. You and him do have a life outside of family gatherings 8-10 times a year. A good rule of thumb is Husband, Wife & Children "First" then remaining family members..

I am sorry hun, I do hope that this gets all sorted out for you in the best possible way. You deserve to be happy, Life is too short NOT to! ((((HUGS))) to you!

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

How often do you get together with your own parents, @madie?

Evie2004 · ‎09-09-2010

I truly feel for those of you that have in-law problems, but I wish I had had those problems..my late father-in- law packed up his entire family & moved them to Hawaii 1 year before my husband & I were married. I was never able to establish a relationship with the family (fil passed away 5 yrs after they moved)..we managed to see my mil every 2-3 yrs after that, but it was sad..our kids never got to know their 4 cousins either. Thankfully we live in the same state as our sons & their families.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

There's more to this story like the other side. Why would a DIL be planning Mother's Day for her husband's mother whom she sees less than once a month?

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Hey, are we sisters-in-law, because your situation sounds familiar. IMO you need to allow cousins to relate and be in one another's lives. Taking care of that generation is more important than your relationship with your in-laws. At some point, cousins will grow and be on their own and you can back away from in-laws. That's been my experience and the cousins, now in 20s, 30s, and early 40s, still love and care for one another. Glad I didn't allow my self-serving mother-in-law, who never learned to bridle her tongue, disturb her grandchildren's relationships.

The same week my youngest child graduated from high school, I backed away from in-laws. Told my husband his parents had over two decades to learn to be decent people and I needed a long break from his parents. It took a while for husband to come around to understanding my views, but now he totally understands and barely tolerates his parents; now in their 80s and unchanged.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. Make sure you develop the internal confidence that they need you more than you need them. Don't allow them to rent space in your beautiful head! Be strong.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

Bridgegal · ‎03-09-2010

Why are you the social director for your husband's family especially when you can't please them. I'd tell my husband I'm out and say exactly what you've said here. It's someone else's turn, meaning his turn. Or one of his siblings can take over.