Re: You're Invited to a Birthday Party...

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

If the invitation specifies no gifts, I would not bring a gift.

If the party was in someone's home, I might bring a hostess-type gift (wine, a dessert, whatever). Not intended to be a birthday gift - I just pretty much never go to anyone's home for a party or dinner without bringing something.

If it was the birthday of a good friend (and the party was hosted by that friend or spouse), I might send flowers the next day with a note of thanks for a lovely time.

I also might (if it was a close friend) take photos at the party, and give my friend a few good ones in an album or an enlargement of a great one in a frame a few days later. Depending, of course, if the friend was the kind of person who would like that.

Overall, though, I wouldn't bring a gift to a birthday party if the invitation specified not to. I take people at their word. No one I know would play the game of, "I really want gifts, but I'm going to pretend I don't." As I get older, I realize that celebrating by enjoying being with others is the best way to spend a birthday. Specifying "no gifts" takes the pressure off of guests and sets it up as simply a fun time.

puttypiesmom · ‎10-11-2017

I don't think it's reverse psychology when an invitation asks you to not bring a gift.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

wrote:
I don't think it's reverse psychology when an invitation asks you to not bring a gift.

I don't either. Most people will probably bring gifts when they're invited to a birthday party. If gifts are wanted, it's easy enough to just send invitations and not mention gifts at all. It seems to me that anyone who truly wanted gifts would just do that.

Saying "no gifts" pretty much guarantees that at least some guests won't bring anything. Not a great strategy for someone who actually does want birthday gifts.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I'd bring a card. If the party was being held in a restaurant, nothing else. If it was at someone's home, I'd bring a bottle of wine and wouldn't expect anyone to have to send a thank you card for that (and have never received one in this case. It's like bringing a hostess gift).

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

While I think photos and writing about a past shared experience is thoughtful, bringing it to the party is not. It's a covert attempt to gain attention for oneself, upstaging the person for whom the party is meant. Send it before and allow the recipient to decide to share it at the party or not.

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

I would be comfortable just taking a card, in which I wrote a heartfelt message. Someone who felt impelled to do more could include a note that you donated to the local food bank in his name.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@Noel7

As a child who was hauled to MANY adult parties, where I sat miserable and embarrassed, I applaud your excellent judgement. Wish there were more of it around. Peace ✌️

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@sunala There is another thread on this same subject matter. NO, you do not buy a gift. At 65 you are happy to see your friends and don't have a need for gifts. What I don't understand is why you would want to bring a gift if the invitation states "no gifts, please." If you are so freaked out about not buying something then bring the host a bottle of wine or some coffee kit gift and call it a day.

kindness is strength

Sookie Says · ‎09-09-2014

Hi! I agree w/ QualityGal, NO GIFTS, but a super funny card would be fine & funny! Have a great time at the party!

Spoiler

Sookie Says · ‎09-09-2014

Can someone tell me what the heck 'spoiler' means pls? I made a reply & put a laughing lady in my reply, I don't know if it is pertaining to that or what? Thx for the help, I am not very pc savvy, but I am going to take a class in the near future.