Community Chat

[gardensla]

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@biancardi wrote:

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@gardensla wrote:

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This was the response of a moderator to my post about how funny I thought the term "tone" was as a reason to poof a post. Sadly the thread is gone so you'll have to take my word for that I was just poking fun at at them as I've done over the years; I promise you, I was not being a jerk. I felt attacked and totally humiliated to be called out this way. Others here will surely mock me for saying this but, yes, it hurt. I'm sure someone will now come back and tell me I'm being too sensitive, or I got what I deserved, or go somewhere else, or get over it. But you asked for an example:

This post has been removed by QVC because of hateful rude comments that are not necessary on the forums.

 

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I've had innocent threads poofed because a mod stated it was religious (which is wasn't) or political (which it wasn't again) However, since no one knows it was your post because the poster who starts the thread or makes a comment in a thread and it is "removed" is also removed from the post. You just see the mod's name. Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is how I am reading your post. No one would know this is an issue unless you bring it up so the calling out was something that you, yourself, brought attention to that fact. And perhaps the mods don't like being poked at and made fun of either. I agree that the "tone" comment was a bit too much, but you just admitted that you like to make fun of the mods - and you've been doing it for years. If you felt attacked and humiliated by that one comment, perhaps they felt the same way over the course of years that you made fun of them? Am I reading that correctly? Perhaps I misunderstood that part of poking at them and making fun of them - who is them?

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I've said my peace on this and nothing I say further is really going to change your mind. I feel the language used was inappropriate, you don't. Let's just agree to disagree. 

[biancardi]

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@gardensla wrote:

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@biancardi wrote:

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@gardensla wrote:

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This was the response of a moderator to my post about how funny I thought the term "tone" was as a reason to poof a post. Sadly the thread is gone so you'll have to take my word for that I was just poking fun at at them as I've done over the years; I promise you, I was not being a jerk. I felt attacked and totally humiliated to be called out this way. Others here will surely mock me for saying this but, yes, it hurt. I'm sure someone will now come back and tell me I'm being too sensitive, or I got what I deserved, or go somewhere else, or get over it. But you asked for an example:

This post has been removed by QVC because of hateful rude comments that are not necessary on the forums.

 

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I've had innocent threads poofed because a mod stated it was religious (which is wasn't) or political (which it wasn't again) However, since no one knows it was your post because the poster who starts the thread or makes a comment in a thread and it is "removed" is also removed from the post. You just see the mod's name. Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is how I am reading your post. No one would know this is an issue unless you bring it up so the calling out was something that you, yourself, brought attention to that fact. And perhaps the mods don't like being poked at and made fun of either. I agree that the "tone" comment was a bit too much, but you just admitted that you like to make fun of the mods - and you've been doing it for years. If you felt attacked and humiliated by that one comment, perhaps they felt the same way over the course of years that you made fun of them? Am I reading that correctly? Perhaps I misunderstood that part of poking at them and making fun of them - who is them?

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I've said my peace on this and nothing I say further is really going to change your mind. I feel the language used was inappropriate, you don't. Let's just agree to disagree. 

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errrr. I did state this " I agree that the "tone" comment was a bit too much" So, we are agreeing here. Not disagreeing.

[gardensla]

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@Moonchilde wrote:
I agree that the way posts are deleted, unless you were the poster or unless people are "saving" every post ever made to their HD, no one but the poster knows the comment was theirs - unless they start posting "look what they said about me!" The deleted poster has to run around spreadin' the news; others wouldn't have a clue.

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Why do you always have to be so demeaning, insulting, and unkind? I was ASKED for an example and complied. I'd hardly call that "running around spreadin' the news."

[SuiGeneris]

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@HappyDaze wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:
Neither have I seen any of that,adelina.

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Nor have I. In fact, when they remove a post, they don't keep the user's name up that is associated with the removed post so I think that, in fact, helps to prevent any so-called humiliation of posters. I think the moderators do a good job of trying to calmly answer many questions, even the ones that are clearly (or passively aggressively) trying to humilate and insult THEM.

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Many posters have very clear memories of a thread they have recently viewed, and will realize "which" post was removed upon returning to that thread.  If they remember that, then they will also probably recall who wrote the [now] deleted post.

And, even if no one remembers the post or the poster of the deleted message, the poster herself surely does remember and certainly has the right to feel embarrassed or humiliated about the "scolding" nature of some of the moderators' reasons for said deletion. 

And no one has the right to tell anyone else how to feel.  Period.

Being human means having human emotions, good, bad or otherwise.

[Moonchilde]

Gardensla,

I was not addressing you in my post; I was responding to another poster's (or were there two posters) comment that they didn't see how people would know whose post was deleted unless the poster who was deleted said something; I was agreeing with them.

I have not, in this new forum, called anyONE names, unlike some. I have not posted anything personal about any ONE. I do make comments about what I see in threads and on the boards, but I do not call anyone out or confront them. Again, no one would be paying attention if you hadn't brought it up.

[tansy]

So, what is the answer? People wanted to know why a post or thread was deleted, despite the fact that we usually knew or had a good idea why. What wording could the mods use that posters who are upset would be okay with?

[dooBdoo]

Thanks for the kind words, ladies.  As evidenced by the posts here, every one of us has felt attacked at one time or another.  One person’s pain can’t be compared to another person’s pain, and I don’t see that it’s useful to try and do that.  Sometimes a "dig" is overt, other times subtle or passive-aggressive  — one thing I had to learn to do was take a step back before deciding a post was aimed at me or really was a purposeful jab.  I found that in many cases my initial reaction wasn’t accurate and the post was not about me (if it didn’t directly reference me) or wasn’t intended to be unkind.  It was just my misperception.  Not saying that’s true in the examples posted here, just tossing it out as something that helped me avoid feeling as much hurt here.

I will say that feeling the hurt can be a useful tool — if we use it to think about the things we’ve said that probably hurt someone else.  I guess I try to find something positive in the negatives since there’s no way to completely eliminate the negatives.  It also helps to remember that the purposeful cheap shots are exactly that — cheap and easy, because it takes more thought and effort to be civil.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your dear, four-footed family members, @kittymomNC and @Moonchilde.  That is so painful and I think every one of us can understand.  And that’s a lesson here:  If we would let go of old grudges, try to let go of perceived victimhood (I understand it's not easy, I've done it, too), and stop looking for every single “gotcha” moment to poke and prod someone we would realize we have more in common than “in difference.”

(My comments aren't directed at any specific poster, just my general thoughts.)

[gardensla]

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@Moonchilde wrote:
Gardensla,

I was not addressing you in my post; I was responding to another poster's (or were there two posters) comment that they didn't see how people would know whose post was deleted unless the poster who was deleted said something; I was agreeing with them.

I have not, in this new forum, called anyONE names, unlike some. I have not posted anything personal about any ONE. I do make comments about what I see in threads and on the boards, but I do not call anyone out or confront them. Again, no one would be paying attention if you hadn't brought it up.

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Yeah, I guess I got what I deserve, then.

[Moonchilde]

Thanks, dooB. I appreciate it and I'm sure kittymom will too.

[Adelina]

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@biancardi wrote:

I've had innocent threads poofed because a mod stated it was religious (which is wasn't) or political (which it wasn't again) However, since no one knows it was your post because the poster who starts the thread or makes a comment in a thread and it is "removed" is also removed from the post. You just see the mod's name. Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is how I am reading your post. No one would know this is an issue unless you bring it up so the calling out was something that you, yourself, brought attention to that fact. And perhaps the mods don't like being poked at and made fun of either. I agree that the "tone" comment was a bit too much, but you just admitted that you like to make fun of the mods - and you've been doing it for years. If you felt attacked and humiliated by that one comment, perhaps they felt the same way over the course of years that you made fun of them? Am I reading that correctly? Perhaps I misunderstood that part of poking at them and making fun of them - who is them?

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@I had trouble understanding this as well. And @gardensia, I am only using this as an example and not just your situation, because others have done this too.  Posters can be sensitive - nothing wrong with that, by the way, -but one needs to apply this to the moderators as well. There is only so much taunting or "jesting" that any individual can take - unless they are psychopaths or sociopaths.