@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:
Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).
She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside. Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.
Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient. And I hate that this happened to her.
However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do? I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.
Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.
@Isobel Archer
Most likely because the frustration of her problem just got to her. That happens to people with disabilities.
Why judge her, most likely you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.
Are we so bored now we are willing to condemn someone struggling?
As I've said - repeatedly - I get that she felt humiliated - and that part does indeed break my heart.
My point - again - is that it doesn't have to be that way - and she can make sure it isn't.
Not blaming or judging her - just saying that you can either succumb to life's unfairness - or you can do something about it.
Would I like to see her magically cured of stuttering? Of course. Would I like to see everyone she comes in contact with being kind and patient and encouraging? Of course again. But if I were her friend, I'd encourage her to take back her power and stop waiting for either of the above.
@Isobel Archer
I actually agree that a coping skill for a situation such as this would be a very useful thing for this woman.
What I really don't like that I see on this thread are these general comments about her, based on this one incident, assuming that she wants to or likes being a victim, when she may have just been having a REALLY BAD DAY.
@QueenDanceALot I don't think it's just about the day of the teller incident, though (I think we can all understand and sympathize with those "backbreaking straw" moments). It's about her litany of experiences and the motives she ascribes to them in her opinion piece. Are there crappy people who have mocked and insulted her intentionally? Of course. And that's terrible. But that doesn't mean every time something like that happens it's because people assume from her stutter that she's untrustworthy. In fact, I'd disagree with her entire premise that "stuttering is a reflection of poor personal integrity." She has it backwards. It is a fact that people who are lying will often speak in a way that sounds delayed or with a stutter. It's not that stutterers are liars...it's that one clue that can indicate that a liar is lying is a stutter. She really needs to flip her perception around and understand that a lot of times nobody is going to even know she's a stutterer, and they're just going to clue in to the fact that she appears uncertain of her name (clue for ID theft at bank), appears shy or reluctant to order a drink (clue for underage drinking at a bar), or appears unable or unwilling to answer a direct question from a police officer (clue for possible DUI). Here's an analogy. Someone with a metal body implant has to carry a card alerting airport security to their condition, because they know in advance that they are going to set off the metal detectors, and they need to proactively inform security or else they can expect to be treated as a hostile risk. The answer can't really be for security to assume that everyone who sets off the metal detector has a legitimate medical reason for setting off the detector and be less guarded with them. Both sides have to work together to make sure everyone has full information and that, once that information is known, they treat each other with due dignity and respect.
I know it's got to be frustrating for her, and I know it seems unfair to her that she has to deal with this. It *is* unfair. But that doesn't change her responsibility, as the one person in the interaction who is guaranteed to have full knowledge of the situation, to be the one to manage it. It's her seeming unwillingness (from the tone of the piece) to acknowledge this responsibility that makes it look like she assumes victim status.
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