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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-18-2013

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@bonnielu wrote:

I feel for her mainly because I did stutter badly ( I just posted about it).  I do feel she was unfairly treated and my heart goes out to her.  I also see the bank as protecting her assets and keeping her safe. They wanted to be sure. In this day and age we seem to be victims of others peoples greed and schemes.


 

@bonnielu

 

Unfairly treated?   How?

 

So the ATM was inoperative and the drive through person couldn't understand her.   I don't think asking her to come inside is being treated "unfairly".    Just what should a bank do when someone comes to the drive through and isn't able to make themselves understood?   For all the drive through teller knew, this woman was having a stroke or a panic attack .... or trying to rob the bank!   


@Tinkrbl44

 

I agree.  The telller didn't know what was going on with her, just as some of the posters on this thread don't, except that she stutters.

 

So much judgement, so little time taken to understand and not slap a label on someone.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,685
Registered: ‎07-21-2011

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?

She probably did not think about handing the teller a note.  People should be more understanding especially the way the world is now.  It's like good against evil with all these shootings.  So the good need to stick together and be kind to each other.  Cat Happy

kindness is strength
Honored Contributor
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Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?

[ Edited ]

@Isobel Archer wrote:

@Noel7 wrote:

@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

 

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

 

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

 

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

 

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.


 

 

@Isobel Archer

 

Most likely because the frustration of her problem just got to her.  That happens to people with disabilities.

 

Why judge her, most likely you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.

 

Are we so bored now we are willing to condemn someone struggling?


As I've said - repeatedly - I get that she felt humiliated - and that part does indeed break my heart.

 

My point - again - is that it doesn't have to be that way - and she can make sure it isn't.

 

Not blaming or judging her - just saying that you can either succumb to life's unfairness - or you can do something about it.

 

Would I like to see her magically cured of stuttering?  Of course.  Would I like to see everyone she comes in contact with being kind and patient and encouraging?  Of course again.  But if I were her friend, I'd encourage her to take back her power and stop waiting for either of the above.


@Isobel Archer

 

I actually agree that a coping skill for a situation such as this would be a very useful thing for this woman.

 

What I really don't like that I see on this thread are these general comments about her, based on this one incident, assuming that she wants to or likes being a victim, when she may have just been having a REALLY BAD DAY.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,143
Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

 

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

 

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

 

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

 

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.


She didn't make life harder. Her circumstances are what they are. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with just trying to navigate daily tasks, especially when they have limitations. Acting like it's her fault that she had a frustrating encounter is missing the point.  

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval
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Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@dex wrote:

She has most likely experienced a lifetime of struggles due to her speech difficulties.She might have been crying out of frustration.her handicap is not visible so she won't get the immediate understanding or compassion that others could receive.


As is so obvious on this forum, even when people do know of another persons limitations, they are still heartless and lacking in empathy. 

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,143
Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@violann wrote:

Live for one day with stuttering, or hearing impairments, or cerebral palsy, or a crossed eye or ACTUALLY ANY CONDITION THAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT/LESS ADVANTAGED than anyone in the mainstream and THEN tell me how much you seek/enjoy being a victim.

 

Or perhaps MORE painful, AND EVEN LESS ATTENTION SEEKING, IS- be the loved one of someone with a situation that has to be dealt with every waking hour! See how much fun it is to watch you beautiful, dearly loved whatever live with the consequences of their less than perfect lives.

 

No, no, NO! Unless there is a concommitent situation in the affective domain of an individual, people with challenges do NOT seek attention, and DO NOT seek to capitalize on personal circumstances.


Well said! 

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval
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Posts: 36,637
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Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@SilleeMee wrote:

She wants to be a victim. Seems to be the thing to do these days.


 

 

Okay, after re-reading my post, maybe a bad choice of words here. I should have said something like...It appears to me that she may have made herself a victim.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,958
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?

I want you ALL to know how much I appreciate taking part in a well thought out respectful dialogue about this topic.

I am grateful to each of you for permitting me to vent about something I take VERY SERIOUSLY for both personal and professional reasons, and for clearly expressing your honest reflections about a coin that has many more than 2 sides.

I hope your candor and generosity in taking the time and effort to post in this thread is as valuable to each of the other posters here as it is to me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?

I don't think stuttering is this poor gals only problem or she would have anticipated a situation like this and planned for it. To me the bank failed this woman in the compassion department, training for them would be in order.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,124
Registered: ‎07-05-2012

Re: Why do people make life harder than it already is?


@QueenDanceALot wrote:

@Isobel Archer wrote:

@Noel7 wrote:

@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

 

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

 

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

 

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

 

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.


 

 

@Isobel Archer

 

Most likely because the frustration of her problem just got to her.  That happens to people with disabilities.

 

Why judge her, most likely you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.

 

Are we so bored now we are willing to condemn someone struggling?


As I've said - repeatedly - I get that she felt humiliated - and that part does indeed break my heart.

 

My point - again - is that it doesn't have to be that way - and she can make sure it isn't.

 

Not blaming or judging her - just saying that you can either succumb to life's unfairness - or you can do something about it.

 

Would I like to see her magically cured of stuttering?  Of course.  Would I like to see everyone she comes in contact with being kind and patient and encouraging?  Of course again.  But if I were her friend, I'd encourage her to take back her power and stop waiting for either of the above.


@Isobel Archer

 

I actually agree that a coping skill for a situation such as this would be a very useful thing for this woman.

 

What I really don't like that I see on this thread are these general comments about her, based on this one incident, assuming that she wants to or likes being a victim, when she may have just been having a REALLY BAD DAY.

 

 


@QueenDanceALot I don't think it's just about the day of the teller incident, though (I think we can all understand and sympathize with those "backbreaking straw" moments).  It's about her litany of experiences and the motives she ascribes to them in her opinion piece.  Are there crappy people who have mocked and insulted her intentionally?  Of course.  And that's terrible.  But that doesn't mean every time something like that happens it's because people assume from her stutter that she's untrustworthy.  In fact, I'd disagree with her entire premise that "stuttering is a reflection of poor personal integrity."  She has it backwards.  It is a fact that people who are lying will often speak in a way that sounds delayed or with a stutter.  It's not that stutterers are liars...it's that one clue that can indicate that a liar is lying is a stutter.  She really needs to flip her perception around and understand that a lot of times nobody is going to even know she's a stutterer, and they're just going to clue in to the fact that she appears uncertain of her name (clue for ID theft at bank), appears shy or reluctant to order a drink (clue for underage drinking at a bar), or appears unable or unwilling to answer a direct question from a police officer (clue for possible DUI).  Here's an analogy. Someone with a metal body implant has to carry a card alerting airport security to their condition, because they know in advance that they are going to set off the metal detectors, and they need to proactively inform security or else they can expect to be treated as a hostile risk.  The answer can't really be for security to assume that everyone who sets off the metal detector has a legitimate medical reason for setting off the detector and be less guarded with them.  Both sides have to work together to make sure everyone has full information and that, once that information is known, they treat each other with due dignity and respect.

 

I know it's got to be frustrating for her, and I know it seems unfair to her that she has to deal with this.  It *is* unfair.  But that doesn't change her responsibility, as the one person in the interaction who is guaranteed to have full knowledge of the situation, to be the one to manage it.  It's her seeming unwillingness (from the tone of the piece) to acknowledge this responsibility that makes it look like she assumes victim status.