Community Chat

[Mj12]

I am a man and I listen. Now go ahead and tell me what you have to say. I didn't read your thread I thought I would type this and that way you can speak directly to me and I can assure you I will respond as best I can.

My preference for titles oft-time is ""Some Men/Some Women"" etc.

and that's pretty much the equivilent of 'not listening.'

[hckynut]

On 2/28/2014 MJ 12 said:

and that's pretty much the equivilent of 'not listening.'

ll^l

[focksie]

I could be completely off base but it sounds like you are the type of wife who asks her husband to do a lot of things or get a lot of things for you (since you stated that "he does this [goofs up] often"). When he doesn't meet your expectations, you get annoyed.

I think you are being very picky. You are very lucky to have a husband who apparently does these things without complaint, even asks you if you want something before he goes to the store. I can picture you constantly being on his back for getting your instructions wrong. After a while of this treatment (being treated like a child), I wouldn't blame your husband for getting sore.

My suggestion to you is: 1) lighten up, life is short and you are blessed to have an accommodating husband, and if this is your worst problem after 50 years. . . . 2) get things yourself more often.

[Vivian]

Focksie, I think you have misread our situation. For all our married lives, my husband and I have aimed for an egalitarian marriage. We do for each other. I take care of him and he takes care of me. My point was that in relatively simple situations, my husband makes these goofs. I added in a subsequent post that perhaps there's more going on. Maybe he doesn't listen. Maybe he doesn't remember even if he wants to.

[tsavorite]

Haven't you all seen the comdey routine with Bill Cosby from the 80's? he sits in a chair and basically answers this question perfectly! He talks about fathers/men...that they are the smart ones...purposely messing it up so they can get out of doing it in the 1st place. They can't find anything...don't know where anything is and on and on he goes. This thread title reminded me of his stand up or sit down in chair routine...so funny!!

[Vivian]

Tsavorite, you and Bill may be on to something. When I remark on his forgetfulness,my husband says,"I only remember important stuff."

[kdgn]

On 2/27/2014 Vivian said: Reading your replies has given me some ideas. My husband had a prestigious professional career that involved multiple assistants. Although I had a career too, I took care of most things at home and he had his secretaries and assistants to do things at work. Now we're retired. I think this is the first time he's being asked to do something for someone else without help. It seems so simple-minded to me but it's a whole new world for him...one I don't think he'll ever master. The other issue is that at 71 his brain isn't what it used to be. He is quite forgetful, literally misplacing or outright losing at least one thing each day. Today it was his YMCA pass. Yesterday it was his checkbook. I do worry that more is going on. Today he saw a Wegman's Supermarket truck and asked me when they started using their own trucks. I told him all big supermarkets have their own trucks. It scared me.

I understand doing things himself is a whole new world for him, but is the rest of it? Has he always been on the forgetful side or is this something new or accelerated? When was the last time he had a physical? Is he on any medications that could cause memory loss?

eta: The fact that you wrote explicit directions for the tee shirt you wanted and he still got it wrong is definitely worrisome. Same with the ice cream. How difficult is it to remember vanilla yet he brings home chocolate?

Have a frank and open talk with his doctor if these are new developments.

[Firefly3]

Ego!

[ROMARY]

Could be a subconscious blocking out what they perceive as a mother figure, asking them to do 'this and that'. It is very irritating to tell/ask someone several times to do something (in detail), and then when they say 'what?', and you talk LOUDER (thinking that they are hard of hearing), they accuse you of 'yelling'. Cant win...............

[ROMARY]

p.s. And, then, I wonder.........exactly what kind of employee are they, not following directions.................