Community Chat

[GraceLady]

You have every right to step in and do something, for her safety and for the safety of everyone else. HIPPA laws do not prevent you from speaking to her doctor. Her doctor just can't speak to you without permission. Doctors can have a patient's license revoked. I also know from dealing with my own mom that she thinks her driving is great. The other drivers are all to blame for driving too fast, "running yellow lights", dangerous lane changes...it goes on and on. We have all tried to tell her that she does not have quick reflexes anymore, she doesn't drive aggressively, and she is not aware of her surroundings. The reason we know this is because of one brave grandson who is willing to drive with her. If we only heard her version, we might feel sorry for her. The truth is that she slams on the brakes at green/yellow lights because it is "about to turn red".  She got rear ended that way and her car was totaled. She bought a brand new car at 81. I know it was her fault, but the fault does go to the person that does the rear ending. She gets honked at, then wonders who is doing the honking and why. Grandson tells her that she is the person they are mad at, but she doesn't believe it.  Just recently, she came dangerously close to hitting two people in a parking lot. "Let's not tell anyone about this."  

Her neurologist has told me to just say the word and he will pull her license. But that puts it on me. Luckily she is self-restricting. No freeway or night driving. She stays within a 5 mile radius. We drive Miss Daisy everywhere else. It is very depressing for her which makes the final call so difficult for me and my siblings. You must drive with the person you are concerned about--multiple times. My mom has good days. But the bad moments are bad. My grandma was easy. She just handed over the keys. Not my mom. She wants to keep her independence. 

[colliemom4]

My dad stopped driving in his early 80's because he didn't feel comfortable driving anymore. His dad drove until he was about 90 and ended up in a pretty bad accident. Some people will gladly stop and others won't.

[RedTop]

It is definitely time for the talk.   

My 84 year old mother stopped driving nearly 7 years ago. No accidents, no tickets, no damage to her SUV, but it was time.   

I followed mom from city limits until she turned into her driveway.  Mom had absolutely no clue I was behind her for 10-12 miles!   She drove perfectly; good steady speed, in her lane, didn’t ride the brake- -perfect driving, actually robotic.   But when I talked to her, she had absolutely no recollection of the drive home!   It was a lot more than mom not realizing she had someone behind her; she didn’t see the big hole on the side of the road where the water company was repairing a broken line and she didn’t remember seeing the church friend who blew the horn and waved at her.   Mom had tunnel vision for only what was directly in front of her, but absolutely was not alert and aware of what she was doing.   She proved that she functions in performing repeated familiar tasks but is not a safe driver.   

There was no anger, no arguments, just mom realizing and accepting she was not a safe, alert driver anymore.   

[Annabellethecat66]

Well I'm only 72 but I hate to drive, hate the traffic.  Unfortunately, where I live it's necessary to be able to drive.

Eventually, I'll move closer to 'town' near where my daughter lives.  

My daughter in Denver often takes an Uber when she's had even 1/2 glass of wine or other times.  She's young but she's like me, she used to like to drive but tries to avoid it when she can.  She has a brand new car out of necessity.

I'll probably give my car to my teenage granddaughter in a few years (as soon as I move).

Growing up in the city, we all took buses everywhere.  Back then even 6 and 7 year old kids could ride the bus safely....back in the  50's and 60's.  Things aren't like that now.  Too bad.

Anyway, I love Uber.  

[ALRATIBA]

My father stopped at about 80 or so.  They had moved to a rural area with hilly winding roads .... after a few years he just decided he couldn't deal with it.  My mother never learned to drive.  My brother took them anywhere they wanted to go.

I hated driving and only drove a couple of years - then moved into Manhattan where I didn't need a car.   I was in my early 50s - got rid of the car.

[barb40]

I really appreciate all the great comments and personal stories! There are many factors involved...it will be a work in progress! Thanks!

[staciesmom]

When my Dad started showing signs of dementia, we explained to him we were concerned and offered to run errands, take him places etc. He ignored our pleas and continued to drive - which we couldn't have prevented even if one of us kids were there - he was very stubborn. What ended up happening is he got on the highway and drove almost a mile before being hit by a truck. He escaped without a scratch but his car was totalled. We fibbed and told him his license was suspended and he believed it. That is the only way we got him to stop driving. 6 years later I still shudder to think what could have happened only to him but innocent people on the road. He died the year after that happened. It is really hard to give up this aspect of independence and most elderly people resist it because they don't recognize they are declining.

[jannabelle1]

I know a couple of 20 year old kids who aren't the best drivers because they can't put the cell phones down. If mom is still mentally sharp (no signs of dimentia), and she doesn't have physical limitations that would affect her driving, then I see no reason to take her car away from her. There really isn't an age that would be appropriate for everyone. Don't be in a hurry to take away a person's car/drivers license unless you know for certain that they should not be on the road.

[CrazyDaisy]

Well I have hit a curb and gotten a flat tire before and I am no where near 80.  I also see people driving everyday talking on a cell phone.  Seem sad that just because something happens and they are of a certain age they automatically are labeled incompetent.

[deepwaterdotter]

I cut back when my hearing started to fail.  Hearing aids help, but I still leave driving to someone else whenever possible.