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04-07-2019 01:04 PM
I think in a very nice way you just have to tell her that you can't hear what she is saying when she has you on speaker so if she wants to visit with you she needs to pick a time when she can just speak into the phone. Let her know that the calls may be shorter but at least you will be able to hear her. It is a waste of time and effort if you really can't have a good conversation instead of spending all the time asking her to repeat what she has said. Let her know you enjoy visiting with her but it has to be done differently.
04-07-2019 01:09 PM
You can't hear and she is unable to sit still. Both have a challenge to overcome. Have you tried putting your phone on speaker? If that doesn't help, voice to text is your only solution.
I usually have my phone on speaker but mute the TV for calls. No one has complained or said what. Now that I know it can annoy, I'll asked if it does.
04-07-2019 01:40 PM
I would talk for a couple of minutes, or until the conversation becomes difficult to hear due to her multi tasking.
At that point, I would use this handy phrase "I'm going to let you go. Have a good day. I'll talk to you later."
I don't see a need to have to explain repeatedly what the issues are that are preventing prolonged conversations.
(I'll be the first to admit that I am not a phone person.)
04-07-2019 01:51 PM
04-07-2019 04:12 PM - edited 04-07-2019 06:38 PM
No, it’s not worth losing a friend, especially since we were estranged for a couple of years and several months ago she sent me a friend request on FB and we have both been so glad to be reunited. She is the lifelong friend (70+ years) I have mentioned before. She had an almost lethal stroke in August 2017, but seems to have fully recuperated since then. So it’s complicated, as they say. This constantly having to move around could be related to that.
It's thoughtful of you, @LilacTree, to consider that her need to be active (perhaps restlessness) might be related to residual effects of the stroke.
Also I'm wondering if that might cause her to not remember as well as her brain did before the stroke... and possibly she forgets your gentle requests and reminders from time to time. So, I don't want to assume that she's deliberately ignoring your request.
Until I saw your comment about the stroke I was, initially, thinking that the quote in my siggy might be applicable... now, I don't think so.
Since you've repeatedly tried asking for a change, to no avail, you know that's not working. Continuing to tell her the same thing doesn't sound very productive going forward and she might eventually interpret it as confrontational. It looks like going down that path will just keep getting the same, or worse, results.
If she’s forgetting, or not honoring, your other requests it’s unlikely she will oblige with Bluetooth device when she moves around.
I agree with the suggestions to see if you can find a way to amplify the sound on your phone and also incorporate a friendly way to end the call each time once you begin to feel the stirrings of irritation and annoyance.
When there's a "push-pull" feeling, it's important to note it, be mindful of it, and at least try to find a balance -- especially with a friendship of this nature -- and that's what you're graciously doing. (I remember the history you shared with us, and I think I understand why you value this relationship.) She's lucky to have you as a friend.
Always good to see you here!❤️
04-07-2019 05:54 PM
this is touchy subject. NO matter which way it goes.
if you tell her sternly, she probably won’t listen
if you don’t answer the phone,they she’ll get angry with you
if you ask her to text she doesn’t do that.
it sounds like you 2 live far apart so getting together for coffee / lunch would be out too.
the only alternative left is one of those adapters that hook up to the phone for hearing impaired people that types in the conversation as it goes on, so you can listen and read what is being said.
04-07-2019 06:00 PM
Anyone who is well enough to talk on the phone, is well enough to practice some manner,s and meet their phone guest halfway
When people tell you that what you are doing ,is ruining the conversation, any kind ,and considerate ,person, would stop what they are doing ,and chat for a couple of minutes. A five minute phone call ,isn't going to impinge on anyones life
If they don't have enough respect for their friends,to do this, they simply aren't anyone I want to chat with
04-07-2019 06:07 PM
Suggest she get a headpiece ( microphone ) so you can hear her while she does her tasks. It may be worth the friendship at our age to gift her with one.
It may be a good idea for you too: not having to hold the phone for so long everyday !
04-07-2019 06:48 PM
You’ve been honest and direct in asking her to avoid speakerphone and, instead, to speak directly into thd phone. Her behavior is rude, and it says your call is not important. I would TELL her that. If she continues, I would avoid her calls. What else can you do if she thinks the little tasks she is doing are more important than conversing with you?
i have an aunt who is always making me wait when I call (long distance) to see how she is getting along. “Hold on,” she says without giving me a chance to stop her, And then, when I ask later why she kept me waiting, she said she she adjusts her hearing aid, tries to find the remote to turn off the tv, has to close her door (in assisted living) or open a window or whatever. The other day, I told her this happens every time I call and to just call me back when she can. I am tired of it!
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