Community Chat

[NYC Susan]

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@bikerbabe wrote:
I’m sorry you are having trouble hearing your friend on the phone. Actually if YOU put her on speaker you might be able to hear her better.

On a sidenote, my best friend and I pretty each other on speaker all the time on our cell phones, including talking while doing things around the house or out and about. No, we are not being rude to each other. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised at the number of posts here that assume that a caller is being rude by doing so. The truth is, if you want to talk to me, I probably am multitasking.

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It's different if neither person has a problem with it.  I know lots of people who use speaker all the time.  And even though I'm not a fan, there are times when I use it too.

But if one person isn't comfortable with it - especially if he/she has trouble hearing - then it IS rude for the other person to keep doing it.  

[aggravated]

Just my opinion, of course.  If you have explained that you have difficulty hearing her while she's moving about the room, one would think she would be able or want to be as least polite enough to speak into the telephone.  You are not asking a great deal.

[RedTop]

I agree that daily communication may be too much.  

[sidsmom]

@LilacTree 

Just saw this on my Facebook feed. 

Hope this might resonate with you 🌼💛

[Bird mama]

You'd be surprised in the power of dead silence  

I guarantee you that if she wanders off talking and doesn't so much as hear a 'uh huh', 'get outta here', 'are you kidding me', yea that's so true' or hmmm, she will wonder if you are still there and say "Are you still there or did I lose you".

I can't tell you how I know this.  

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@lovesrecess wrote:
My daughter does the same thing and it drives me nuts. It sounds like she is speaking into a barrel when she goes to speaker phone and sometimes her voice cuts in and out completely. I finally told her to call me back when she can talk to me without putting me on speaker.
The last straw was terrible white noise in the background...she told me she was taking a shower when she called me!

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Now I have heard it all, she was taking a shower when she called?  Wow!

[Lindsays Grandma]

@LilacTree 

I read all the posts before responding.  I had two friends I communicated with by phone and we would talk a very long time.  When I say long time, I mean over an hour and sometimes two hours or even longer.  At no time would either of us put the other on speaker.  I will admit that most of the conversations were done on landline phones except for one who would occasionally call from her cell phone while driving or shopping, and those calls were short.

It would be a shame for a friendship to end because your friend claims she can't help moving around doing things while talking on the phone. To start, I understand your hearing problem as I too have the same affliction and I find landlines much better than cell phones when talking on the phone.

LilacTree, perhaps you can talk to your friend again about her giving you some time on the phone without moving around.  If she finds that to be intolerable than you should, as has been advised by other posters here, advise her to purchase a BlueTube.  My cell phone friend used one and it worked beautifully, no speaker needed.

Now, should she not take your advice, the next step is complete silence on your end when she speaks, which also has been suggested by other posters.  Sooner or later she will realize you are not talking and will ask, "are you there?", to which you mumble, "what did you say?, I can't hear you."  At that point you will have to be firm with her, firm but not mean.  Remind her that you have discussed this with her in the past.  Now is the time to lay it all out to her with words such as, you don't want to lose her as a friend,  how much you enjoy communicating with her but not being able to properly  understand what she is saying is frustrating, to say the least.  Tell her it causes you not only to lose much of what she is saying, but also straining to understand her gives you a headache.  Or words of your choice, these are just suggestions. 

I apologize for the length of this post and I hope you and she can work something out.  As I previously said, it would be a shame should the friendship end, however, if she is unable to bend it would be unfair for you to continue with the conversations that leave you frustrated.  Please keep us posted as to how it plays out.

[september]

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@RedTop wrote:

I agree that daily communication may be too much.  

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Exactly. I don’t talk to anyone “every single day” by phone. Not even family members that I’m very close to. 

Once a week might work out better for friends.  They would be more interested and not so bored with each other 

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@september wrote:

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@RedTop wrote:

I agree that daily communication may be too much.  

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Exactly. I don’t talk to anyone “every single day” by phone. Not even family members that I’m very close to. 

Once a week might work out better for friends.  They would be more interested and not so bored with each other 

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One of my dear friends who passed away in 2011 from breast cancer and I spoke on the phone "every single day" for years.  We always found so many subjects to talk about and never got bored.   I miss her every day, her passing left a terrible void in my life.  "Every single day" works for some people.

[LilacTree]

@Lindsays Grandma 

Hi LG!  One of the things I was thinking of telling her is that while she is freely walking around the room, I have my landline jammed into my ear so I can try to hear her.  Hopefully that visual might make an impression on her!

As to buying a Blue Tooth, she would never do that.  Although she is quite wealthy, she is extremely frugal.

Our friendship won’t end because of this, but it could wind up with less frequent phone calls.  I have also already tried the silence on my end, and it has worked a few times, but doesn’t last long.  She’s always been a little loopy, and says she just forgets she has put the phone down again.

Thank you and everyone for your caring suggestions . . . I wish this was my worst problem!!