Community Chat

[LilacTree]

I talk to an old friend every single day on the phone.  She uses a cell phone and always puts it on speaker.  Then she walks around the room and does odds and ends while she’s talking to me.  Add to that I have some hearing loss which she knows about.

I have to keep saying “what?, what?” constantly.  I have asked her dozens of times to please speak into the phone and she does it for one minute and she’s off again.  She says she can’t help it, she just has to move around and do things, whether she’s on the phone or not.  We are on the phone a long time each time we talk.

I am on the verge of telling her I just can’t handle it anymore, but don’t want to offend her.  I have suggested we text, but she’s poor at that as well and doesn’t like to do it.

I know this is not a big thing, but I’m beginning to dread her calls.  What to do?

[Desertdi]

@LilacTree    I am having the EXACT same challenge with someone.    It's frustrating for me........and I hate to admit this, but sometimes I don't answer when I see the caller ID number............di

[sidsmom]

Can we suggest meeting over coffee or dinner instead of calls?

[software]

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@LilacTree wrote:

I talk to an old friend every single day on the phone.  She uses a cell phone and always puts it on speaker.  Then she walks around the room and does odds and ends while she’s talking to me.  Add to that I have some hearing loss which she knows about.

I have to keep saying “what?, what?” constantly.  I have asked her dozens of times to please speak into the phone and she does it for one minute and she’s off again.  She says she can’t help it, she just has to move around and do things, whether she’s on the phone or not.  We are on the phone a long time each time we talk.

I am on the verge of telling her I just can’t handle it anymore, but don’t want to offend her.  I have suggested we text, but she’s poor at that as well and doesn’t like to do it.

I know this is not a big thing, but I’m beginning to dread her calls.  What to do?

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I understand your frustration

Politely end the call when you've had enough, "I hear you are busy, bye"

You could try to gently ask her to sit & chat, see how that goes over.

It's kinda rude, IMO, but is it worth losing the friend?

[ahoymate]

People who don't give you their full attention by multi-tasking on the phone, to me, aren't worth spending hours on the phone with. Make it short & do as sidsmom suggests, meet face to face and have a conversation.

[LilacTree]

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@sidsmom wrote:

Can we suggest meeting over coffee or dinner instead of calls?

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@sidsmom 

She lives in NC and I live in NJ.

[qbetzforreal]

Keep the calls short.

[esmerelda]

Tell her she has to get a Bluetooth earpiece or a headset or she’ll have to sit while she talks to you.

[RetRN]

I wish I had an easy solution, but I don't. You have to decide if the friendship is worth it or not. As we get older I believe the friendships we have are more valuable than ever, so would propably try to continue. 

[Desertdi]

@LilacTree   I guess I should add.........when this person calls me on the speaker phone, the TV is on in the background, the dog is barking......and the significant other is also talking at the same time.    I HAVE mentioned this to my caller........and the reply has been, "There must be something wrong with YOUR phone".......or "We must have a bad connection."   NO, it's not MY phone...............       Lunch or coffee is out of the question......we live several thousand miles away.    

I simply can't hear with all the noise, water running, pots clanging, etc.